DARE: Whatever you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to 'forgive our debts' each day, we must ask him to help us 'forgive our debtors" each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart, "i choose to forgive."
The book states that today's love dare is the toughest one of all! It can big for a person or it can be little. The truth is that forgiveness is just tough! Forgiveness is one of the most complex problems in a marriage. But the truth is forgiveness MUST happen, or a successful marriage won't happen.
Jesus tells a parable in the Bible about a servant who's master forgave him for all his many debt. He was overjoyed, but then the servant wen to collect debts from one who owed him. When the master heard this he immediately handed him over to those who would torture him until all the debt was paid. A day that had begun so happy, had ended in such sorrow because of his unforgiveness.
Isn't this our life? God forgives us over and over and over if we just ask, but yet we hold grudges in our heart. Decide for ourselves that people don't deserve forgiveness but Jesus says "My heavenly Father will also do the same for you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from you heart" Matt 18:35
Uforgiveness not only puts those around us in a prison, it entangles us and puts us there as well. It weighs on our hearts and allows trife and malice to build up. Sometimes it is hard to come to a conclusion that we must forgive, because we are hurt so much. THe person may not even be sorry about what they have done. they may feel jsutified and blame you. BUt forgiveness doesn't absolve anyone of blame. It doesn't clear their record with God. It just clears your from having to worry about it and worry how to punish them. When we forgive someone, we are not turning loose to what they have done, we are turning them over to the one judge, GOD. We are saving ourselves from having to argue with them, decide a punishment, and have decided it isn't about who wins or loses. It is about freedom and our ability to let go!!
But doing it....is hard! "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is MINE, I will repay,' says the Lord. Rom 12:19
HOw do you know you have been successful? their name or face, no longer causes you anguish. Them being around you no longer causes you to be mad. Rather you pity them and hope they get this turned around!
GREAT Marriages are not created by people whop never hurt each other, but by those who chose to keep 'no record of wrongs'. I Cor 13:5
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
today...
I don't know why but today is a struggle for me. AS I text back and forth with a friend who is going through some of the same stuff, I am finding it tougher and tougher to rely on God, when I thought it would be easier and easier. I assume, Satan is just trying to get back in, but today's dare just upset me a bit. I have trouble discerning between how much I should just rely on God, and yet how much I should communicate with Cory to let him know I am feeling. Of course, he is reading this now (hi Cory!), but it is a struggle. I don't want to lust after love from my husband...I want to love God, and allow him to satisfy my needs. But then, what is the point of a marriage? God gave us marriage because he knew it wasn't good for man to be alone, right?! But yet, we should be totally dependent on God right? So, where do we draw the line on communicating to our spouse our needs, and not feel selfish about it?!
(Cory - btw, your are doing great...this is my struggle - not yours! - LU)
(Cory - btw, your are doing great...this is my struggle - not yours! - LU)
Day 24: Love vs Lust
DARE: End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed - today - and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.
Beginning in the garden of Eden, it started with the eyes noticing the unforbidden fruit and then it escaped to the heart, with feelings of shame and regret. Adam and Eve, as with us, were given everything they needed for a productive and full life. The Bible states that God will provide the basic of food and clothing, and we should be content with that. We might say we are and want nothing more, but that would be a lie. We are of this world. We always want more and our flesh wants us to seek more worldly pleasures. we might look, stare and then fantasize, and barely turn our eyes away - but then curiosity captures our heart and we become entangled. THEN we act on our lust.
Lust is generally thought of as a sexual sin, and it can be, but lust can be lusting not just after people. We can lust after possessions, power, higher positions, etc. For me, I have always lusted after love! I know there have been times when I was turned from the face of God, and thought 'if I could only have this'. The Bible says in I Tim 6:9 "But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction." Ive been there. We have all been there. God knows about our secrets...God knows about my desires.
Lust cannot be in a marriage and it cannot be in a Christian life. It, along with selfishness, is a total opposite of LOVE. Lust is the first step out of the fellowship of love. Lust breeds more lusts, and more lusts. And when lusts for someone of something else in a marriage, it breeds anger, numbs hearts and destroys marriages. In our experience - it led straight to loneliness and emptiness.
So whatever your lust, whatever my lust might be - it doesn't have to be for the world to know, like in this blog! :) But I must realize something that has taken years to learn - it is a misguided thirst for satisfaction that only God can fulfill. Ive said this before, but still learning it, lust is not letting God fulfill the desires of your heart. For me, it is putting my spouse on such a high pedestal and wanting to feel that love from him every second, but he can't that. Funny how I tend to LUST for LOVE and the two just don't mingle. That's why today's lesson is so important for me. I can't lust to be loved by Cory - he can't love me the way I need. He can do his best and he should try to love me that way - but true love is when God fills me! When my eyes and my heart and my actions are from him, it will lead to lasting joy!
This is soo soo hard for me. I am strong in every area of my life, but in my 'love' relationship. My sister will tell you, I've always had a man in my life. I've never been single at all. I long for that connection, that security, that love. But I've never been satisfied the way I need to be. I've grown bitter when Cory couldn't give me the love I wanted...when all along God has been ready and willing to give it to me. This is a struggle for me! The worst...this is the one I need your prayers on. Learning to let God love, and not being so hard on Cory when I look to the wrong place, him, for that love. Daily receiving of the unconditional love that HE has already proven to me through His son and the cross, should be enough!
"Do not love the things of this works. If anyone loves the world, the love of the father is not in him." I John 2:15
LUST IS THE BEST THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER, BUT LOVE OFFERS YOU THE BEST LIFE IN THE WORLD! This has to be my daily eternal prayer - Get love from GOD!
Beginning in the garden of Eden, it started with the eyes noticing the unforbidden fruit and then it escaped to the heart, with feelings of shame and regret. Adam and Eve, as with us, were given everything they needed for a productive and full life. The Bible states that God will provide the basic of food and clothing, and we should be content with that. We might say we are and want nothing more, but that would be a lie. We are of this world. We always want more and our flesh wants us to seek more worldly pleasures. we might look, stare and then fantasize, and barely turn our eyes away - but then curiosity captures our heart and we become entangled. THEN we act on our lust.
Lust is generally thought of as a sexual sin, and it can be, but lust can be lusting not just after people. We can lust after possessions, power, higher positions, etc. For me, I have always lusted after love! I know there have been times when I was turned from the face of God, and thought 'if I could only have this'. The Bible says in I Tim 6:9 "But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction." Ive been there. We have all been there. God knows about our secrets...God knows about my desires.
Lust cannot be in a marriage and it cannot be in a Christian life. It, along with selfishness, is a total opposite of LOVE. Lust is the first step out of the fellowship of love. Lust breeds more lusts, and more lusts. And when lusts for someone of something else in a marriage, it breeds anger, numbs hearts and destroys marriages. In our experience - it led straight to loneliness and emptiness.
So whatever your lust, whatever my lust might be - it doesn't have to be for the world to know, like in this blog! :) But I must realize something that has taken years to learn - it is a misguided thirst for satisfaction that only God can fulfill. Ive said this before, but still learning it, lust is not letting God fulfill the desires of your heart. For me, it is putting my spouse on such a high pedestal and wanting to feel that love from him every second, but he can't that. Funny how I tend to LUST for LOVE and the two just don't mingle. That's why today's lesson is so important for me. I can't lust to be loved by Cory - he can't love me the way I need. He can do his best and he should try to love me that way - but true love is when God fills me! When my eyes and my heart and my actions are from him, it will lead to lasting joy!
This is soo soo hard for me. I am strong in every area of my life, but in my 'love' relationship. My sister will tell you, I've always had a man in my life. I've never been single at all. I long for that connection, that security, that love. But I've never been satisfied the way I need to be. I've grown bitter when Cory couldn't give me the love I wanted...when all along God has been ready and willing to give it to me. This is a struggle for me! The worst...this is the one I need your prayers on. Learning to let God love, and not being so hard on Cory when I look to the wrong place, him, for that love. Daily receiving of the unconditional love that HE has already proven to me through His son and the cross, should be enough!
"Do not love the things of this works. If anyone loves the world, the love of the father is not in him." I John 2:15
LUST IS THE BEST THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER, BUT LOVE OFFERS YOU THE BEST LIFE IN THE WORLD! This has to be my daily eternal prayer - Get love from GOD!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Day 23: Love always Protects
DARE:Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.
CHECK!! Accomplished this dare already! God has changed our hearts and our love for each other is not hindered by any addiction or influence! Thank-you God for bringing our hearts to you!
"Love always Protects" I Cor 13:7
"Marriage is made up of many things, including joys, sorrow, successes, failures....and battles." Battles are what today's dare is about. Marriage is a union that is of God. Satan hates marriages that are of God and he hates it when people learn to understand God's love by showing others. Satan knows our weaknesses, especially mine. Cory and I must protect our marriage....and constantly! Some things the book mention to be aware of are below:
Harmful influences. Internet and TC, work are all things that can be enjoyable additions to your life, but they can also bring a destructive corner. The can steal your time away from your spouse and drain hours from your family. You must be there to protect your home. You can't if you are rarely there in flesh or not. I'm struggling with this a lot this week. With the choir and the race coming up, I've been gone three nights this week, and I can tell my little girl misses me, and me and Cory have not been able to be there for each other. Even though what I am doing is a good things, I miss my family.
Unhealthy relationships: This is pretty simple - ANYONE who undermines your marriage does not deserve to be give the title of 'friend'. Stay way from those. And stay away form or be on guard for those opposite-sex relationships at work, the gym, and church...without knowing it, they can draw you emotionally away from your spouse!
Shame: Because a marriage has a way of exposing everything to your spouse, you know all there is to know about them. The book says to never speak negatively about them in public. I used to this all the time about Cory, and to be honest, IW as wrong on two levels. one, it was my selfishness that made me look at him that way when he really was the right one, and two - you should never speak ugly of the one you love. LOVE hides the faults of others. I think I can use this in my marriage and friendships. It covers their shame!
Parasites: Parasites are things which promise pleasure, but end up destroying your marriage. Things like, drugs, gambling, porn, alcohol, etc. Marriages have trouble surviving when their are parasites around. (you must remember - don't focus on your spouse's parasites - they are reading this dare - this is about your parasites) You must destroy them, or they will destroy you!
God warns in the Bible "My flock has become prey...food for all the beasts of the field." We are that to Satan. He knows our buttons, and he will push them, daily! You can't feel your own desires daily, without looking to feed your spouses. Here is the command:
WIVES: Guard your heart from being led away through novels, magazines and other forms of entertainment that can blur the reality and put on unfair expectations of your spouse. Make him feel strong! "the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands." I am going to use this as my dare today. I am going to BUILD HIM UP!
HUSBANDS: YOU are the head of the home. You are responsible before God for guarding the gate and protecting anything that would hurt your marriage and your wife. This is not a small task, but one to be taken seriously. "If the head of the house had known what time of the night the thief was coming, he would have been on alert and would have not allowed his house to be broken into." Know your spouse. Know how to protect her. That's what women want! I have to say that I felt Cory's protection when he stood up for me last week during a crisis in our marriage. For him to reach out and say, 'she is my wife' and emphasize that he wants me and wants to protect me when people try to hurt me....made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Never felt that kind of protection before. Almost like God...I don't care what she has said, what she has done, she is my wife, and I stand by her 100%! THANK-YOU!
CHECK!! Accomplished this dare already! God has changed our hearts and our love for each other is not hindered by any addiction or influence! Thank-you God for bringing our hearts to you!
"Love always Protects" I Cor 13:7
"Marriage is made up of many things, including joys, sorrow, successes, failures....and battles." Battles are what today's dare is about. Marriage is a union that is of God. Satan hates marriages that are of God and he hates it when people learn to understand God's love by showing others. Satan knows our weaknesses, especially mine. Cory and I must protect our marriage....and constantly! Some things the book mention to be aware of are below:
Harmful influences. Internet and TC, work are all things that can be enjoyable additions to your life, but they can also bring a destructive corner. The can steal your time away from your spouse and drain hours from your family. You must be there to protect your home. You can't if you are rarely there in flesh or not. I'm struggling with this a lot this week. With the choir and the race coming up, I've been gone three nights this week, and I can tell my little girl misses me, and me and Cory have not been able to be there for each other. Even though what I am doing is a good things, I miss my family.
Unhealthy relationships: This is pretty simple - ANYONE who undermines your marriage does not deserve to be give the title of 'friend'. Stay way from those. And stay away form or be on guard for those opposite-sex relationships at work, the gym, and church...without knowing it, they can draw you emotionally away from your spouse!
Shame: Because a marriage has a way of exposing everything to your spouse, you know all there is to know about them. The book says to never speak negatively about them in public. I used to this all the time about Cory, and to be honest, IW as wrong on two levels. one, it was my selfishness that made me look at him that way when he really was the right one, and two - you should never speak ugly of the one you love. LOVE hides the faults of others. I think I can use this in my marriage and friendships. It covers their shame!
Parasites: Parasites are things which promise pleasure, but end up destroying your marriage. Things like, drugs, gambling, porn, alcohol, etc. Marriages have trouble surviving when their are parasites around. (you must remember - don't focus on your spouse's parasites - they are reading this dare - this is about your parasites) You must destroy them, or they will destroy you!
God warns in the Bible "My flock has become prey...food for all the beasts of the field." We are that to Satan. He knows our buttons, and he will push them, daily! You can't feel your own desires daily, without looking to feed your spouses. Here is the command:
WIVES: Guard your heart from being led away through novels, magazines and other forms of entertainment that can blur the reality and put on unfair expectations of your spouse. Make him feel strong! "the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands." I am going to use this as my dare today. I am going to BUILD HIM UP!
HUSBANDS: YOU are the head of the home. You are responsible before God for guarding the gate and protecting anything that would hurt your marriage and your wife. This is not a small task, but one to be taken seriously. "If the head of the house had known what time of the night the thief was coming, he would have been on alert and would have not allowed his house to be broken into." Know your spouse. Know how to protect her. That's what women want! I have to say that I felt Cory's protection when he stood up for me last week during a crisis in our marriage. For him to reach out and say, 'she is my wife' and emphasize that he wants me and wants to protect me when people try to hurt me....made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Never felt that kind of protection before. Almost like God...I don't care what she has said, what she has done, she is my wife, and I stand by her 100%! THANK-YOU!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Day 22: Love is Faithful
DARE: Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knew-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them in words similar to these, "I love you. Period. Choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."
Funny how I grew up in church and know stories in the Bible front to back. But as an adult, when I go back and read the same story, I finally get the point. Today's story is about unconditional love. And being faithful to that love, and faithful to God.
In the book of Hosea, God instructs the prophet Hosea to marry a prostititute. In today's world, can you imagine if a Holy man of God marries a prostitute because "God told him too." How many frowns do you think that would get?! But God did tell him too, and Hosea listened. He married Gomer. He had three children with Gomer. But then, this lady who had made her living by living in immortality was not content to stay with just one man. This embarrassed Hosea, and how do you think he felt after God told him to do this. Discouraged? Most likely. Shame? Of course!! I would. But he had grown to love her. They had once been close. As time passed, God spoke to Hosea again and told him to go and reaffirm his love her Gomer. (an example on waiting on God to speak) He had to go and buy her off a slave block. But he did. he paid the price to get his own wife back. He treated her with more love and welcomed her back in and expression of unconditional love.
God placed this story in the Bible I'm sure to demonstrate a life-like love with heavenly meaning. God loves us this way. Even when we don't pay attention, he shows favor on us. We reject Him...He still loves us and remains faithful.
Jesus calls us to this kind of love in our life and in our marriage. He said "love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:27-28 I know I am not persecuted daily for my love for Christ. I do know there are days I get mistreated and get talked about. God tells me to love those who do this, and PRAY FOR them. God has been convicting me a lot lately about my prayer life. So often, people send prayer reqeusts my way, and I say ok I will pray....and I forget! No more....Prayer is my communication with God.
From a marriage persepctive, you would never think that your spouse could become your enemy, but they can. Too often marriages dwindle down to that level, and even to the point of betrayal and people respond so quickly to a rapid divorce. Others, care more about their reputation than each other's happiness and think to keep the charade going with no intention of even liking one another. Unfortunately, I have been on both of those decisions. With the first divorce, I gave up quickly. With Cory, we just kept living an act. Either way, I'm embarrassed on the decsisions that I Have made, but in the same token, I am very thankful. Those decisions have molded me to who I am right now. Katrina Ann Hanks, with a wonderful husband, Cory, a beautiful daughter Naomi, and a part of two great families who love me dearly.
Marriage and love is the model for a follower of Christ. If our love is to be like HIS, it must be around even when it is unwanted or unappreciated. We can give undesevred love to our spouses because God did - over and over again. I am asking Him today, to fill me with the love only He can give me, and help me give it in a way that reflects gratefllness to God for loving me, and shown to Cory and those around me.
Funny how I grew up in church and know stories in the Bible front to back. But as an adult, when I go back and read the same story, I finally get the point. Today's story is about unconditional love. And being faithful to that love, and faithful to God.
In the book of Hosea, God instructs the prophet Hosea to marry a prostititute. In today's world, can you imagine if a Holy man of God marries a prostitute because "God told him too." How many frowns do you think that would get?! But God did tell him too, and Hosea listened. He married Gomer. He had three children with Gomer. But then, this lady who had made her living by living in immortality was not content to stay with just one man. This embarrassed Hosea, and how do you think he felt after God told him to do this. Discouraged? Most likely. Shame? Of course!! I would. But he had grown to love her. They had once been close. As time passed, God spoke to Hosea again and told him to go and reaffirm his love her Gomer. (an example on waiting on God to speak) He had to go and buy her off a slave block. But he did. he paid the price to get his own wife back. He treated her with more love and welcomed her back in and expression of unconditional love.
God placed this story in the Bible I'm sure to demonstrate a life-like love with heavenly meaning. God loves us this way. Even when we don't pay attention, he shows favor on us. We reject Him...He still loves us and remains faithful.
Jesus calls us to this kind of love in our life and in our marriage. He said "love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:27-28 I know I am not persecuted daily for my love for Christ. I do know there are days I get mistreated and get talked about. God tells me to love those who do this, and PRAY FOR them. God has been convicting me a lot lately about my prayer life. So often, people send prayer reqeusts my way, and I say ok I will pray....and I forget! No more....Prayer is my communication with God.
From a marriage persepctive, you would never think that your spouse could become your enemy, but they can. Too often marriages dwindle down to that level, and even to the point of betrayal and people respond so quickly to a rapid divorce. Others, care more about their reputation than each other's happiness and think to keep the charade going with no intention of even liking one another. Unfortunately, I have been on both of those decisions. With the first divorce, I gave up quickly. With Cory, we just kept living an act. Either way, I'm embarrassed on the decsisions that I Have made, but in the same token, I am very thankful. Those decisions have molded me to who I am right now. Katrina Ann Hanks, with a wonderful husband, Cory, a beautiful daughter Naomi, and a part of two great families who love me dearly.
Marriage and love is the model for a follower of Christ. If our love is to be like HIS, it must be around even when it is unwanted or unappreciated. We can give undesevred love to our spouses because God did - over and over again. I am asking Him today, to fill me with the love only He can give me, and help me give it in a way that reflects gratefllness to God for loving me, and shown to Cory and those around me.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Day 21: Love is satisfied in GOD
DARE: Be intentional today about making time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day or reading a chapter in the gospels. As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.
As I have now come face to face with understanding that God is what I need, today is about letting him satisfy your needs...every day. Our spouses will let us down. We will let our spouses down, but God will always be there. He will always do exactly what we need, if we let him. Our spouses will never be able to satisfy all our needs. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. We are both human. However, God is not.
God can give inner peace. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the peace that surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7
God can help you be content. "IN any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled....I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:12-13
Our spouses can complete some of these things, but God can fully satisfy. The needs for me for love, peace and adequacy are very real. I even see it in my child's personality. I need to feel these things. They are are real. But rather than plugging into things that are unstable, I must stay plugged into God. I must seek Him every day.
Date day went great...still re-learning each other at times, but had a wonderful time. Went by way too fast and wish we can have a do-over! :)
As I have now come face to face with understanding that God is what I need, today is about letting him satisfy your needs...every day. Our spouses will let us down. We will let our spouses down, but God will always be there. He will always do exactly what we need, if we let him. Our spouses will never be able to satisfy all our needs. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. We are both human. However, God is not.
God can give inner peace. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the peace that surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7
God can help you be content. "IN any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled....I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:12-13
Our spouses can complete some of these things, but God can fully satisfy. The needs for me for love, peace and adequacy are very real. I even see it in my child's personality. I need to feel these things. They are are real. But rather than plugging into things that are unstable, I must stay plugged into God. I must seek Him every day.
Date day went great...still re-learning each other at times, but had a wonderful time. Went by way too fast and wish we can have a do-over! :)
Monday, January 17, 2011
Half- way there...
On a side note, this dare has changed my life! I hope it is changing the lives of those who read it. My relationship with God, my relationship with Cory, my relationships at work, my relationship with my friends, my relationship with my family has suffered! But now, I am made anew! I worship God with a new attitude, and a new sense of guidance. A new hope. A new dream. God has waited for me for so long to come back into his arms, and strategically planned each step..each day...each door opened! I am His child, and I never want to turn away from Him again!
On day 20 now....20 more to go....a life-time more to go....hope you are along for the ride!
Love yall!
PS, Please say a special prayer for one of my young nieces today. Just pray for comfort and guidance for her and her family.
On day 20 now....20 more to go....a life-time more to go....hope you are along for the ride!
Love yall!
PS, Please say a special prayer for one of my young nieces today. Just pray for comfort and guidance for her and her family.
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