Dare: What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse's life right now? IS there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can do to meet that need.
This has been a rough couple of weeks for me. I'm at the point where I really don't even want to work anymore, which if you know very well....that's crazy talk! I haven't felt good the last couple of days, and am just worn slap out with everything going on. But today's dare is about sacrifice. I have just realized that I have been so focussed on do the things for other people, and myself, I haven't really dont anything special for Cory lately, but yet, he needs that too. Today's dare is about sacrifice. It's about genuinely caring for your spouse. Making sure we understand when they are under pain or pressure. Instead of seeing our spouse as complaining and bickering, see it in love...and do what you can to help. A couple of things the book mentioned:
Is he hungry and needing sex even when you don't want it?
Is he thirsty and craving attention that you are giving someone else?
Does he feel like a stranger and find safety in home?
Is he naked and ashamed and desperate for your love?
Is he feeling sick and tired of needing you to help him free of interruptions?
Does he feel in prison and has become fearful and depressed?
I know I can see moments where Cory was each of these. I wasn't giving him the things he needed on every level. But Praise God he was brought up to never give up and he stuck with me. Praise God he has an attitude of forgiveness and commitment that his parents put in Him. But I have to continue to meet these needs..because I want to, because of love.
Love has to make sacrifices. How can this work...by simply stating "what can I do for you?" Show those eyes of compassion and eyes of commitment, and be sincere!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Day 27: Love encourages
Dare 27: Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has told you you’re expecting too much and tell them your sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you’ll seek to understand and assure them of your unconditional love.
Funny how I haven’t been blogging and skipped a couple of days doing the dare, and then today, when I start back, God paces just what I need to hear. Today’s dare is about encouraging your spouse. I know Cory and I both went into our marriage with higher expectations than what we should have had. I’m sure that is one of the biggest mistakes made by newly engaged/married couples. I know I made promises to Cory that I haven’t kept. A lot of marriages make promises that aren’t kept.
The book says that if a wife expects her husband to always be on time, clean up after himself, and UNDERSTAND ALL her needs, she will be constantly disappointed. I know a lot of time for me, I put Cory at such an in-human high standard that he is destined to fail in my eyes. Especially when I want him to read my mind. The truth is that I should understand that he is human, which means, he will forget things, sometimes he will be thoughtless. That way, when he is the opposite of those things, I can responsible in a loving and kind way.
If we don’t allow our spouses to be human, divorce WILL happen. Today’s dare says that is why we must encourage them rather than putting harmful expectations for them. One thing I hear from other couples who are struggling, and the thing I fight with is back to that selfish thing. I must focus more on my personal responsibility and improving myself rather than one demanding more from Cory. This is tough. I have felt like it is my responsibility to tell Cory what he needs to do better. What he needs to do to make me feel loved, but it isn’t about that. It is about changing myself. Only God can change your spouse – and the truth is, I really love Cory for who he is and how he is! The Bible has a verse about this that says “take the log out of your own eye, before pointing out the speck in your brothers.” I’m sure there are days where Cory feels like he has to walk on egg shells around me.
The most common response to something like this is saying that the problem is not yourself but your spouse. If that is the way we feel, then we might as well stop the dare, and stop working on our marriages now. What I think is is important and critical to the future of our marriage, and what I feel I must say he needs to improve on, can cause an attitude where few people will respond totally objectively, but rather critically. When we dated, I would bend over backwards for him, and ignore his minor imperfections, and wasn’t that when we were happiest? Sometimes my goal-oriented personality puts high demands on Cory – but truthfully I need to just make Cory happy. The Bible says, “Encourage one another and build up one another….”
So my goal today is really to quit making excuses for why I don’t respond to Cory in ways that I should be. It will be tough for me, because there is still a lot to overcome, but the truth is that I’m scarring his personality by not responding sometimes in the way he needs to me. He needs that respect from me. This is going to be harder than I thought, because I expect so much from Cory – but really isn’t he perfect just the way he is? There are several areas I can improve with this….one, I expect him to think of doing little special things for me all the time, two I expect him to make me feel important and more loved – and third…well, I think those are big enough for me to overcome!!!
Funny how I haven’t been blogging and skipped a couple of days doing the dare, and then today, when I start back, God paces just what I need to hear. Today’s dare is about encouraging your spouse. I know Cory and I both went into our marriage with higher expectations than what we should have had. I’m sure that is one of the biggest mistakes made by newly engaged/married couples. I know I made promises to Cory that I haven’t kept. A lot of marriages make promises that aren’t kept.
The book says that if a wife expects her husband to always be on time, clean up after himself, and UNDERSTAND ALL her needs, she will be constantly disappointed. I know a lot of time for me, I put Cory at such an in-human high standard that he is destined to fail in my eyes. Especially when I want him to read my mind. The truth is that I should understand that he is human, which means, he will forget things, sometimes he will be thoughtless. That way, when he is the opposite of those things, I can responsible in a loving and kind way.
If we don’t allow our spouses to be human, divorce WILL happen. Today’s dare says that is why we must encourage them rather than putting harmful expectations for them. One thing I hear from other couples who are struggling, and the thing I fight with is back to that selfish thing. I must focus more on my personal responsibility and improving myself rather than one demanding more from Cory. This is tough. I have felt like it is my responsibility to tell Cory what he needs to do better. What he needs to do to make me feel loved, but it isn’t about that. It is about changing myself. Only God can change your spouse – and the truth is, I really love Cory for who he is and how he is! The Bible has a verse about this that says “take the log out of your own eye, before pointing out the speck in your brothers.” I’m sure there are days where Cory feels like he has to walk on egg shells around me.
The most common response to something like this is saying that the problem is not yourself but your spouse. If that is the way we feel, then we might as well stop the dare, and stop working on our marriages now. What I think is is important and critical to the future of our marriage, and what I feel I must say he needs to improve on, can cause an attitude where few people will respond totally objectively, but rather critically. When we dated, I would bend over backwards for him, and ignore his minor imperfections, and wasn’t that when we were happiest? Sometimes my goal-oriented personality puts high demands on Cory – but truthfully I need to just make Cory happy. The Bible says, “Encourage one another and build up one another….”
So my goal today is really to quit making excuses for why I don’t respond to Cory in ways that I should be. It will be tough for me, because there is still a lot to overcome, but the truth is that I’m scarring his personality by not responding sometimes in the way he needs to me. He needs that respect from me. This is going to be harder than I thought, because I expect so much from Cory – but really isn’t he perfect just the way he is? There are several areas I can improve with this….one, I expect him to think of doing little special things for me all the time, two I expect him to make me feel important and more loved – and third…well, I think those are big enough for me to overcome!!!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
I'm back...
SO, I know a lot of you have been wondering if I gave up..NO NOT AT ALL! I left for my trip to Hoover and couldn't find my book. Got home, and still couldn't find it, so Cory went and bought me another one Friday night...well, guess what, I found it right after he got it. So, we start the next day....I will blog it tonight. Hope you are still tagging along!
Katrina
Katrina
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Postponed
Hi everyone! It seems I can locate my Love dare book to do my dares the next couple of days. I know I put it out to bring but can't seem to find it now!
I do have some things to post though. Some things on my heart. It seems that every time I turn around, God is placing another lady in my path who needs prayers for marriage. Some I know the private details, some I don't, but even this morning, a lady email me and said she needed prayers for her marriage. How do these people know to turn to me? Is God putting them in my path for a reason? Yes, Ive come along way but am still learning, and still healing in my marriage. I'm not sure where He wants this to go. So, what I am praying about is doing a Love Dare study for women only at the church. Our marraiges are falling apart! This is Satan's design to ruin them. God created marriage to help us understand the LOVE of GOD better....it is a union by God, and Satan seeks to destroy it. Divorce is too easy...anything that is easy, is scary. Marriage is tough for all..anything you have to fight for...is worth it!!!!
Dear God, Please cover marriages today. Bind Satan for ever entering them! He has no authority in them. SEND HIM AWAY! AMEN
I do have some things to post though. Some things on my heart. It seems that every time I turn around, God is placing another lady in my path who needs prayers for marriage. Some I know the private details, some I don't, but even this morning, a lady email me and said she needed prayers for her marriage. How do these people know to turn to me? Is God putting them in my path for a reason? Yes, Ive come along way but am still learning, and still healing in my marriage. I'm not sure where He wants this to go. So, what I am praying about is doing a Love Dare study for women only at the church. Our marraiges are falling apart! This is Satan's design to ruin them. God created marriage to help us understand the LOVE of GOD better....it is a union by God, and Satan seeks to destroy it. Divorce is too easy...anything that is easy, is scary. Marriage is tough for all..anything you have to fight for...is worth it!!!!
Dear God, Please cover marriages today. Bind Satan for ever entering them! He has no authority in them. SEND HIM AWAY! AMEN
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Day 26: Love is responsible
DARE: Take time to pray through your areas of wrong doing. Ask God's forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. Do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for your forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in LOVE. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.
Romans 2:1 - When you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things.
today's dare is a very tough one. The good thing for me is, we have already crossed the road for forgiveness. We have already both become responsible for where we failed each other, and have moved forward from such. It is amazing that when God is control, things likes this just feel right. You can hear those around you saying NO, but hear God's voice above the others saying "do as I say and I will protect you".
But for us, this was a milestone in our marriage. We recommitted to each other and I decided we now have a second anniversary date! It can be the same for you. BUt don't do this dare because you are reading mine. If you feel you have things to take responsibility for, listen to God's voice. He knows when the right time is.
This dare is about responsibility. As time goes on, people seem to take less and less responsibility. In politics, in business, in celebrities, and in our back door, we see excuses after excuses. Everyone is so quick to be justified in their motives, and deflect criticism. In our marriages, we are so quick to blame our spouse, not accepting that we may be pushing them to this craziness. I did....my attitude affected Cory greatly. I pushed him to being someone he didn't like. Someone I didn't like and I made excuse for it. "well if he would do this, I would do this" Doesn't work that way!
We always believe we are right. We always want to blame. "well they did this!" But love doesn't make excuses. Love makes a difference in yourself and in your marriage. The Bible says "Rebuke is more effective for a wise man than a hundred blows on a fool" What would happen if the next time we are fussing with our spouse, we admitted we were wrong first? Worth a try....
Love is responsible and is willing to admit and correct its faults and errors up front. And repent of them. A real heart of repentance may take awhile to grow in you. Pride is very strong, but humility and honesty before God is crucial for a healthy marriage.
Now, this doesn't mean that we should let our spouse walk all over us. This is mainly meaning that if there is something that isn't right between you and God, or you and your spouse, we must take responsibility for it and make it right, and claim the blame for it. We will stumble not doubt, but to keep the favor of God, we must stay clean before Him. We must swallow our pride and take ownership and seek forgiveness no matter how our spouse responds. They should forgive you, but that isn't your responsibility. Your responsibility is responding to God and doing as he says. AS I have found, my sincereness when asking for forgiveness has gone a long way. God can give you strength as well to make this step. Cory and I both noticed this and found that when God was on our side...over coming anything was possible!
Romans 2:1 - When you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things.
today's dare is a very tough one. The good thing for me is, we have already crossed the road for forgiveness. We have already both become responsible for where we failed each other, and have moved forward from such. It is amazing that when God is control, things likes this just feel right. You can hear those around you saying NO, but hear God's voice above the others saying "do as I say and I will protect you".
But for us, this was a milestone in our marriage. We recommitted to each other and I decided we now have a second anniversary date! It can be the same for you. BUt don't do this dare because you are reading mine. If you feel you have things to take responsibility for, listen to God's voice. He knows when the right time is.
This dare is about responsibility. As time goes on, people seem to take less and less responsibility. In politics, in business, in celebrities, and in our back door, we see excuses after excuses. Everyone is so quick to be justified in their motives, and deflect criticism. In our marriages, we are so quick to blame our spouse, not accepting that we may be pushing them to this craziness. I did....my attitude affected Cory greatly. I pushed him to being someone he didn't like. Someone I didn't like and I made excuse for it. "well if he would do this, I would do this" Doesn't work that way!
We always believe we are right. We always want to blame. "well they did this!" But love doesn't make excuses. Love makes a difference in yourself and in your marriage. The Bible says "Rebuke is more effective for a wise man than a hundred blows on a fool" What would happen if the next time we are fussing with our spouse, we admitted we were wrong first? Worth a try....
Love is responsible and is willing to admit and correct its faults and errors up front. And repent of them. A real heart of repentance may take awhile to grow in you. Pride is very strong, but humility and honesty before God is crucial for a healthy marriage.
Now, this doesn't mean that we should let our spouse walk all over us. This is mainly meaning that if there is something that isn't right between you and God, or you and your spouse, we must take responsibility for it and make it right, and claim the blame for it. We will stumble not doubt, but to keep the favor of God, we must stay clean before Him. We must swallow our pride and take ownership and seek forgiveness no matter how our spouse responds. They should forgive you, but that isn't your responsibility. Your responsibility is responding to God and doing as he says. AS I have found, my sincereness when asking for forgiveness has gone a long way. God can give you strength as well to make this step. Cory and I both noticed this and found that when God was on our side...over coming anything was possible!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
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