Tough..

Some days...marriage is just tough. I wonder how God ever expected us to understand the other?! I know we are suppose to be the fulfillment of God himself....his beauty, his toughness, his thoughtfulness, his fairness, and on and on....but how oh how can two people so different be meant to be together. Don't get me wrong. I love Cory, and i love our marriage, and I wouldn't change it. But men and women are sooo different. Help me God to realize that I am important to him, because I am, and not be so needy to hear him tell me that or have him make me feel like I am. Help me to not be so selfish! There's that word again....

:)

Happy Easter to the loves of my life!

life purpose

SO, as day by day goes along, do you ever wonder what your purpose is? I mean, I know God has used me in many ways. He gracefully has chosen me to be a wife to Cory, a mom to Cory, a daughter to my mom, and a sister to two ladies, but He has also used me to help start a running group for ladies, lead a Bible devotion at work, and be an ear and help to a few ladies who have battled the same things I have battled. But what else is there? I see the things that my good friends Matt and Tara are doing with the Ransom Cafe and with the trip to Africa, and wonder, can God use me in a miraculous way? Or is His plan for me to be a light in the mundane. Can use me on something large scale or does He want me to satisfied with blessing one person that I run into daily. My prayer is that I make myself available for HIM. I want every turn I make to be another opportunity to serve Him. I don't want me job, my friends or even my family to be above Him. I want to be where He wants me. Where he can use...and pray that my friends, family and job can be a part of that!

I desperately beginning to pray for the mission trip in June. Eleven days away from my family, friends and job will be trying, but I am praying that this trip is for His glory and that when I return, I will be uplifting and know more of how He wants to use me. We have everything we need of this world...but I want more. I want more of God. More of Him, less of the world. Please show me God how I can get there. How I can be like those of the Bible and have such a close relationship with you. I want that...where can You use me?

So the only way I can get past some things, is too verbalize them. I realize there a lot of you that might be reading this, but not know my whole life story. I don't even know my whole story at times. My struggle is with everything that has happened, how do you communicate well, without sounding selfish? I feel like I need to change my prayers again. Change my thought process again. Because the things the I want, the things I desire, aren't easy to express. I don't know if the wounds have healed. I don't know if I have a right to be selfish. I don't know if I have a right to desires. So, here is my prayer...

"Dear God.... I have no idea what to pray for. I have no idea what I even want to ask of you, but God you do. You know where I am weak. Lord, please somehow, someway, fill this void for me. Whatever it is my heart longs for, please fill it. I want to be all I can be for YOU, for my husband, for my daughter, for my family, for my friends, for my employees, for those I met on the path of life. But Lord - it feels empty at times. I feel lost. Can you take over? Can you change my heart so I am satisfied in your LOVE and in YOUR SPIRIT and in YOUR BLESSINGS? Please oh God...I love you."

Power of a praying wife

A great friend bought this book for me. I have been reading it about once a week, and trying to the prayers for my husband. I've been reading Crazy Love too, so I Have been going back and forth. Although, right now, I think I need to start praying more for Cory. If you noticed, that's where I stopped the Love Dare on day 38 because having prayer time is tough for me. I like to sleep sometimes more than pray. That is awful isn't it!?! SO, now I am recommitting myself to prayer. for my husband...For my family...and to spend some quality time with God! Posts to come.....

Easter

I've begun to realize that year after year, from birth until now, just about every Sunday has been spent in church. Easter has always been one of my favorite time of year. Not Christmas, not my birthday...but Easter. I remember growing up when Mom would roll my hair in sponge rollers the night before and we would wake up and go to sunrise service with the rollers still in my hair. I remember thinking that the church had the best breakfast ever after our service! Then we would go home, nap and get ready in our NEW EASTER Dresses that we have spent hours trying to find the perfect one. We ALWAYS got a new dress and shoes for Easter. No matter how broke we were. Easter meant a lot to my family. AS it still does to me....but this Easter it is especially SPECIAL to me. Although I have been a child of God for years, I truly feel like this is the first year that I feel His grace, His mercy, His love, His power and a true relationship with Him. And the best part is I get to share it with the two most important people in my life, Cory and Naomi.

You ARE MORE

You Are More lyrics
There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

Lord my God, my Savior...fill this void!

Jesus I need to give myself up. I am not strong enough to love you and walk with YOU on my own. I can't do it. And I need You. I need you deeply and desperately. I believe You are worth it, that You are better than anything else I have in this life and will ever have in this life. I want You. And when I don't....when I close the door in your face, I still want to want YOU. Be all in me. take all of me. Everything. Have Your way with me! Please..Amen!

Our first vacation since our honeymoon...

LOVE

Isn't amazing how God has such a perfect plan?! My life has taken a complete turn-around from the moment I accepted God's influence in my life until now. My marriage has turned around and have fallen in love with two very important people...GOD and CORY! I'm ready for this journey. I think.....