Dare: Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you can do for them.
A week ago, this dare would have been hard for me. But by the blood of Jesus coming over me, I started doing this dare last week! We are both off work today for New Years Eve, so I'm sure I can continue this trend sometime today. Before last week, you should hear my conversations with Cory. They pretty much went like this "Whatcha doing. working. You picking up Naomi? Yes. Ok. See you later. Bye". Not that they are 100% better this week, but they are a little better. We haven't told each other I love you on the phone in three year! And probably just wrote it one a card once since then. How could we have ignored this?
So today, love is thoughtful. Psalm 139:17 states "How precious also are your thoughts to me....how vast is the sm of them! If I should count them, they would out number the sand."
Isn't it itneresting how when you date someone, you can't get them off your mind. When your 'in love', it seems to be all you can think about it. But then marraige, work, maybe kids...thinking of our spouse seems to dwindle. This of course goes back to yesertdays post about being selfish, but lets be honest...it happens in almost every marraige. But we have to change our thinking. I have to change my thinking. Can you beleive I forgot our anniversary last year? It wasn't that I got busy and it just slipped up on me. I forgot! Good thing is that cory and my relationship has gotten so out dull, that we don't do gifts anymore for any event but birthday from each other. I've gotten him stuff, but said it was from Naomi. I really don't have too mcuh trouble being thoughtful, I just have trouble with that 'wanting credit' dare yesterday. But if I continue to miss moments of thoughtfulness, I am missing love. And isn't that all I really want?
It is true that Cory probably struggles with this more than me. My one arguments when we fuss, which is rare, is that I just want to feel important, like I'm his priority. But for men, even if I am that priority, some have a hard time showing it. A man can focus in on one thing, and be good at it, but a woman, can do 100 things at one time and still get mad because he isn't helping her do them! Right? It is like that book we studied at church Spaghetti and Waffles. Men are like waffles and compartmentalize stuff, and women are like noodles and intertwine EVERYTHING! SO, I KNOW THIS.....but realizing it at the moment is tough for me. But you know what? God intended us to be this way. Yes, men could be more sensitive,and women could be more focussed, but God made us this way. He knew man need a helpmate to think about all these things. Maybe I should start thinking of things like, 'God sent me to help Cory. To help him mutli-task. To help get things that he just can't get done.'
The book says that if a couple doesn't understand this concenpt, it will results in endless disagreements. He is frustrated because I speak in riddles; I am frustrated because he is thoughtless in inconsiderate. But we have to figure it out.
The sad thing is....lack of thoughtfulness is probably what ruined my part of our marraige. However, as I type this, I just cry out because of the hurt. I need to try to remember that he can't read my mind. Could he probably do a little better? Maybe, but this isn't about him, and I have to tell myself that. There will be a time and palce for that. but right now, I'm working, no God is working on ME! One thing I have been working on for about a year is letting my YES be my YES or saying what I mean and not beat around the bush. That makes it very tricky for Cory. Cory works great with direction. If I tell him to do something, albeit he might need reminding a few times, he can do it, and do it right!
So today, I will also spend some more time thinking about an immediate need of his I can meet. I'm sure you can all think of one...he is a man! :) But today I will focus more on an inner need.
Ok...running at 6 with my girls. It will be hard to give updates during the days the next few days because we will both be home, but I will try. Just continue to pray for me. I have a lot of inner stuff I'm fighting day by day. I have a lot of things I'm praying about....Love yall!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Ring
Cory doesn't know this, because well, without putting him down, he has the 'non-observant' male gene...but I have refrained from wearing my wedding ring for several years on a consistent basis. Granted, in my defense, since I had Naomi, it has gotten a little snug, but still wearable. So Since Monday, I have been wearing it again! It is more of a mental thing for not wearing it because our marriage seemed to be going downhill fast, but now the committed is there.
Quotes for the day...
"You will find, as you look back upon your life, that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." Henry Drummond
And from one of new best friends:
"he may not be understanding what is going on. he doesn't trust you yet....it is like SHREK. His heart...its like an onion. The center is a tender heart covered with layers of hard protection. It is going to take a long time to reach that tender heat but every effort you make is peeling a layer off one at a time. AS long as though layers stay there, you can't hurt him. That's why it is so hard, but the result of all the layers being gone is you finally reaching his heart and his love again!"
I have some fabulous friends! Thanks for the prayers and support! God is using each of you!
And from one of new best friends:
"he may not be understanding what is going on. he doesn't trust you yet....it is like SHREK. His heart...its like an onion. The center is a tender heart covered with layers of hard protection. It is going to take a long time to reach that tender heat but every effort you make is peeling a layer off one at a time. AS long as though layers stay there, you can't hurt him. That's why it is so hard, but the result of all the layers being gone is you finally reaching his heart and his love again!"
I have some fabulous friends! Thanks for the prayers and support! God is using each of you!
Day 3: Love is NOT selfish...
Dare: Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today."
The dare for today will not be hard for me. My love language is gifts, so buying something for Cory comes easy. However, the content of the reading for today's dare hit home very, very hard.
Phil 2:3 "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important that yourselves." I had to read this verse about three times just because it felt like it was written just for me. I have been apart of this environment where I focus on my appearance, feelings and personal desires rather than what i should be focused on for my happiness. It seems that this dare is not only about my relationship with my husband, but my relationship with God and others. Day by day I keep learning that if I get myself right with God, the rest will fall into place.
So, because the topic is selfishness, I want to clear up and more importantly remind myself, that I'm not doing this blog or dare to get recognition. Although, I have to admit, Satan tries to put that in my head every now and then. I'm not trying to seek my own praise. I simply documenting this road, in hopes to restore relationships, and maybe help someone along the way. Only three days, and things have been tough. It is hard to feel love so quickly. But my accountability partner said, 'Katrina, YOU AREN'T DOING THIS! God is!' And she is so right...this is not from me, but from HIM!
OK...so to the reading...just some things I needed to get off my chest.
The book says that if there is ever an opposite word for LOVE it is SELFISHNESS! It states that every sinful action that is ever committed is almost always related to a selfish motive. I never heard it put that way, but so true. Every sin that I have struggled with for my whole life has been about my selfish motive. About what I want. About what makes me happy. You can't bring that into a marriage. And I can't use being the baby as an excuse! But the truth is, if I can give up generous actions with selfish motives, I can find LOVE. Love will lead me to an inner joy that I can't even imagine!
The book states this won't be easy. To me, this may be the toughest of the three so far. We are all born selfish, but the world teaches us to be more selfish. Cory even has a bigger challenge of loving a selfish person. So, I have to be the first to demonstrate real love to him, with eyes wide open.
Katrina: Be Patient, Be Kind, And Do Not be Selfish!
Practical: I left my book at work last night. I like to read over my daily dare the night before it happens, just to get my thoughts going. Luckily I glanced over it before I left yesterday, and knew what the dare was. So I thought, since Cory is off work all week, I will get up early while he is asleep and go to the store. We were out of diet cokes, so I bought a sleeve of those and put them in the frig, bought him a newspaper to read, and made him some coffee. The human side of me of course got a little upset. I didn't tell him about the diet cokes. But I put some coffee by his bed. I didn't think he saw it, so I told him it was there. He said he knew that. :( Then when he left, he still hadn't touched it. I had Naomi, because I'm a slacker, take the newspaper back to him in bed. I was hoping to get a thank-you by text this morning, but didn't. LESSON TO BE LEARNED? It isn't about getting self-recognition! It isn't about getting a thank-you, even though it would have made me feel much better. It is about not being SELFISH! This is harder than I thought...I try to say, well, maybe Naomi didn't get the paper to him. She is only 2 years old! And maybe he wanted to sleep longer and wasn't ready for coffee. All justifiable reasons, but the selfish side of ME wants praise! This may take more than a day to develop..maybe a lifetime!
The dare for today will not be hard for me. My love language is gifts, so buying something for Cory comes easy. However, the content of the reading for today's dare hit home very, very hard.
Phil 2:3 "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important that yourselves." I had to read this verse about three times just because it felt like it was written just for me. I have been apart of this environment where I focus on my appearance, feelings and personal desires rather than what i should be focused on for my happiness. It seems that this dare is not only about my relationship with my husband, but my relationship with God and others. Day by day I keep learning that if I get myself right with God, the rest will fall into place.
So, because the topic is selfishness, I want to clear up and more importantly remind myself, that I'm not doing this blog or dare to get recognition. Although, I have to admit, Satan tries to put that in my head every now and then. I'm not trying to seek my own praise. I simply documenting this road, in hopes to restore relationships, and maybe help someone along the way. Only three days, and things have been tough. It is hard to feel love so quickly. But my accountability partner said, 'Katrina, YOU AREN'T DOING THIS! God is!' And she is so right...this is not from me, but from HIM!
OK...so to the reading...just some things I needed to get off my chest.
The book says that if there is ever an opposite word for LOVE it is SELFISHNESS! It states that every sinful action that is ever committed is almost always related to a selfish motive. I never heard it put that way, but so true. Every sin that I have struggled with for my whole life has been about my selfish motive. About what I want. About what makes me happy. You can't bring that into a marriage. And I can't use being the baby as an excuse! But the truth is, if I can give up generous actions with selfish motives, I can find LOVE. Love will lead me to an inner joy that I can't even imagine!
The book states this won't be easy. To me, this may be the toughest of the three so far. We are all born selfish, but the world teaches us to be more selfish. Cory even has a bigger challenge of loving a selfish person. So, I have to be the first to demonstrate real love to him, with eyes wide open.
Katrina: Be Patient, Be Kind, And Do Not be Selfish!
Practical: I left my book at work last night. I like to read over my daily dare the night before it happens, just to get my thoughts going. Luckily I glanced over it before I left yesterday, and knew what the dare was. So I thought, since Cory is off work all week, I will get up early while he is asleep and go to the store. We were out of diet cokes, so I bought a sleeve of those and put them in the frig, bought him a newspaper to read, and made him some coffee. The human side of me of course got a little upset. I didn't tell him about the diet cokes. But I put some coffee by his bed. I didn't think he saw it, so I told him it was there. He said he knew that. :( Then when he left, he still hadn't touched it. I had Naomi, because I'm a slacker, take the newspaper back to him in bed. I was hoping to get a thank-you by text this morning, but didn't. LESSON TO BE LEARNED? It isn't about getting self-recognition! It isn't about getting a thank-you, even though it would have made me feel much better. It is about not being SELFISH! This is harder than I thought...I try to say, well, maybe Naomi didn't get the paper to him. She is only 2 years old! And maybe he wanted to sleep longer and wasn't ready for coffee. All justifiable reasons, but the selfish side of ME wants praise! This may take more than a day to develop..maybe a lifetime!
Day 2 Synopsis...
So, even on day 2, I had a little reality check last night. Cory's mom and dad were in town, so we met them for supper. While we were waiting on them to get there, I reached over and just rubbed Cory's shoulder gently. His response, "If you meant to rub Naomi, you missed and rubbed me!". OUCH! Not ouch to his response. Ouch that my husband doesn't even recolonize my touch anymore because it has been gone for so long. Of course this is probably due to both our insecurities right now, but more so...MINE! So, even as day two was all about being KIND...I learned that even I don't feel like showing him kindness, I must. He is a man, and without the kindness of his wife, he is not himself anymore and doesn't know how to act around me! Sad that my actions pushed him to this....
But on the brighter side...I felt that God was helping me through the day, by being patient and kind to him. I hope he has already begun to see a change!
But on the brighter side...I felt that God was helping me through the day, by being patient and kind to him. I hope he has already begun to see a change!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
update... from those who can help, and need help....
So, today, i God is showing me more. This challenge is mostly about Him and my marraige, but realized today that is about much more..... my friends need guidance too. Check the emails below... (names removed for protection)
So proud of you! You are teaching me just as much as you are
learning! I am learning so much from reading your blog and am also
going to do the love dare on XXXXX (I am following along right behind
you). I know it is hard but you are awesome and I admire what you are
doing for the Lord and for your family.
So very proud of you. I am praying for you and watching to see what God does through your desire and obedience. I am sad to say, I am not at that place right now...I want to be, but so scared and hurt. Please pray for me. Thanks for being there for me without judging. Can't share my stuff with many.....Anyway, I love ya and am praying for ya!
I will definitely be praying for you my dear friend! I will pray that God gives you all that you need to complete this challenge AND that He gives Cory the things he needs to be open and accepting of it. It will be a hard path but one that I think will lead you two back together with God in the center. I love you Kat! And I am always here for you whatever you need.
Thanks for being so open. This made me cry. My husband and I have fallen out of love too, but I am too ashamed to admit that to anyone. Thank you for once again lighting my path, Katrina. I am by your side and hope you will lean on me anytime. Love you
Kat I think what you are doing is great! XXXX and I watched that movie when it came out and we thought it was a great movie!
I know I have said before that XXXXX and I went through many struggles a few years back, however I never elaborated on them (not sure I will ever be able too, even after thousands of dollars of therpy...lol). Anyhow, with that said I also have several books that really helped me during our rough times. If you would likw to borrow any of them, feel free. Marriage is HARD work, but remember it takes 2 people to make it work. I think everyone just wants acceptance and security in life, especially from their spouse! I know I want to feel confident about my marriage. Communication is the key....good, bad or ugly! There were days I blamed XXXX for everything, then days I blamed myself for everything, guilt can be a horrible feeling, but it cannot overcome you! I read you wrote you want to do it for him and your families...what about YOU Kat....you have to do it for YOU!! It sounds like you do want to do it for you because your putting a lot of heart and soul into it! Remember why you fell in love, what made him so special! People tell me all the time XXXX and I are crazy for doing so much stuff together, but I know what happens to a marriage when you put everything and everybody before your marriage and you end up as just "roommates!" We grew apart and it was a scary feeling to think this person that GOD had created for me was no longer apart of my "Team!" I don't think at the time either of us wanted to make our marriage actually work, but since we had kids, we decided to give it a shot....We dug deep and actually put each other first (believe me I know its hard to do, but its possible) and things started to turn around! Again everyone wants to feel accepted and secure, especially in their marriage! I will be praying for you, your such a strong woman, you can do anything you put your mind to and succeed!!.....
And lastly.....THANKS FOR THE SHOVE
So proud of you! You are teaching me just as much as you are
learning! I am learning so much from reading your blog and am also
going to do the love dare on XXXXX (I am following along right behind
you). I know it is hard but you are awesome and I admire what you are
doing for the Lord and for your family.
So very proud of you. I am praying for you and watching to see what God does through your desire and obedience. I am sad to say, I am not at that place right now...I want to be, but so scared and hurt. Please pray for me. Thanks for being there for me without judging. Can't share my stuff with many.....Anyway, I love ya and am praying for ya!
I will definitely be praying for you my dear friend! I will pray that God gives you all that you need to complete this challenge AND that He gives Cory the things he needs to be open and accepting of it. It will be a hard path but one that I think will lead you two back together with God in the center. I love you Kat! And I am always here for you whatever you need.
Thanks for being so open. This made me cry. My husband and I have fallen out of love too, but I am too ashamed to admit that to anyone. Thank you for once again lighting my path, Katrina. I am by your side and hope you will lean on me anytime. Love you
Kat I think what you are doing is great! XXXX and I watched that movie when it came out and we thought it was a great movie!
I know I have said before that XXXXX and I went through many struggles a few years back, however I never elaborated on them (not sure I will ever be able too, even after thousands of dollars of therpy...lol). Anyhow, with that said I also have several books that really helped me during our rough times. If you would likw to borrow any of them, feel free. Marriage is HARD work, but remember it takes 2 people to make it work. I think everyone just wants acceptance and security in life, especially from their spouse! I know I want to feel confident about my marriage. Communication is the key....good, bad or ugly! There were days I blamed XXXX for everything, then days I blamed myself for everything, guilt can be a horrible feeling, but it cannot overcome you! I read you wrote you want to do it for him and your families...what about YOU Kat....you have to do it for YOU!! It sounds like you do want to do it for you because your putting a lot of heart and soul into it! Remember why you fell in love, what made him so special! People tell me all the time XXXX and I are crazy for doing so much stuff together, but I know what happens to a marriage when you put everything and everybody before your marriage and you end up as just "roommates!" We grew apart and it was a scary feeling to think this person that GOD had created for me was no longer apart of my "Team!" I don't think at the time either of us wanted to make our marriage actually work, but since we had kids, we decided to give it a shot....We dug deep and actually put each other first (believe me I know its hard to do, but its possible) and things started to turn around! Again everyone wants to feel accepted and secure, especially in their marriage! I will be praying for you, your such a strong woman, you can do anything you put your mind to and succeed!!.....
And lastly.....THANKS FOR THE SHOVE
Day 2: Love is KIND
Dare: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at east one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
So I officially begin day 2 of this love dare. I read it this morning (when I was supposed to be running with my girls...sorry ladies...) and thought oh, I can do this! But then the more I read, the more I thought...I'm really not that kind to my husband. I take advantage of him and his easy-going attitude. The verse of the day was Ephesians 4:32 "Be Ye KIND one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you". (if my sister is keeping up with this blod, I'm sure she is singing this verse the way we learned it when we grew up!)
The day started out stating the the first day was patience for a reason. Patience can avoid a problem, but day 2 - kindness creates a blessing. Can I get an amen? Patience avoids problems, and kindness creates a blessing for the giver and the receiver! Patience is preventative, where kindness is proactive. Kindness makes us likable?! Yes, it does. I see it all around me, at work, with friends, and even more at home. We usually only want to be around KIND people. If I take advantage of my husband, and am ugly to him...why on earth would he want to be around me? I choose my friends based on kindness...maybe I should treat him the same way.
The book says there are four basic core ingredients to kindness. This gets a little deep for me...but here goes.
1. Gentleness: Kindness means being careful how you treat your spouse. This is being tender, being sensitive. Some days, Cory tries to tell me about a bad day at work, and i just shrug shoulders and think, he has no clue! My days are much worse. Why would a wife do that? I should sensitive to him...sensitive to his feelings! Guys have feelings too! :)
2. Helpfulness: Kindness means meeting the need of the moment... no matter what it is. If he wants me to do cook, get busy. If he wants me to listen, open my ears and focus. And this is big for me...because I'm the baby of the family. BE WILLING to be helpful without worrying about what is in it for me! OUCH! The return might be him being curious to find out more of what I need...but that shouldn't be my intention. My needs right now...MUST be put on hold! He has been here for me through thick and thin! Any needs I long for right now...I must turn to GOD!
3. Willingness: Kindness inspires you to be a agreeable! Rather than complaining and making excuses for what I don't want to do, I should be willing to compromise and accommodate. After all, this marriage isn't just about me. Listen, and be flexible! If you know me real well, you know I don't typically go and 'do stuff' with other people. I like to be a home-body, but Cory, well, if you know him...he likes to be out socializing all the time. Like a little social butterfly! So, we had been invited to a New Years Cook-out. At first I didn't want to go, but it is one of my best friends, and we never do anything for New Years...so I asked him if he wanted to go. Of course, he said YES! I'm sure we will have a fabulous time. Especially since God is changing my attitude!
4. Initiative: Kindness thinks ahead, and makes the first step. It is very, very often, I'm ashamed to say, that when Cory and Naomi walk in the house after not seeing them all day, I rarely speak to him. So, from now on...I will greet him with a smile first and then move on to my child (baby steps). After all, I chose him way before she came along. The kind spouse greets first, smiles first, serves first and forgives first! It doesn't require me asking him to get his act together first...which has been our vicious cycle all along. "If you would do this, you would get this!" over and over and over again....When I see the need, I must make a move to show him kindness
This all goes back to the story of the good Samaritan. Years of strife and division can be ended with one act of kindness!
The book states that sometimes it is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel no motivation. And right now is tough for me..believe me, it is tough. But as Dr Quiett and the book said, Love is not based on feeling. Love in its truest sense is determined by thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. I will never love Cory the way God intends until I am able to be more kind to him...STARTING TODAY! :)
DEAR LORD, YOU KNOW MY HEART! You know my insecurities, please satisfy my soul while I enter in to a realm of the unknown, and try to fulfill the plan you have designed for me! Help to be more like you by showing Cory acts of patience and kindness! I love you! Amen!
PRACTICAL: My random act of kindness this morning, was trying to keep Naomi quiet while Cory was off work, and trying to sleep in. I then took the PILES of trash from Christmas to the road for trash pick-up today. Small...but effective I hope. I'm sure my kindness won't stop there!
So I officially begin day 2 of this love dare. I read it this morning (when I was supposed to be running with my girls...sorry ladies...) and thought oh, I can do this! But then the more I read, the more I thought...I'm really not that kind to my husband. I take advantage of him and his easy-going attitude. The verse of the day was Ephesians 4:32 "Be Ye KIND one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you". (if my sister is keeping up with this blod, I'm sure she is singing this verse the way we learned it when we grew up!)
The day started out stating the the first day was patience for a reason. Patience can avoid a problem, but day 2 - kindness creates a blessing. Can I get an amen? Patience avoids problems, and kindness creates a blessing for the giver and the receiver! Patience is preventative, where kindness is proactive. Kindness makes us likable?! Yes, it does. I see it all around me, at work, with friends, and even more at home. We usually only want to be around KIND people. If I take advantage of my husband, and am ugly to him...why on earth would he want to be around me? I choose my friends based on kindness...maybe I should treat him the same way.
The book says there are four basic core ingredients to kindness. This gets a little deep for me...but here goes.
1. Gentleness: Kindness means being careful how you treat your spouse. This is being tender, being sensitive. Some days, Cory tries to tell me about a bad day at work, and i just shrug shoulders and think, he has no clue! My days are much worse. Why would a wife do that? I should sensitive to him...sensitive to his feelings! Guys have feelings too! :)
2. Helpfulness: Kindness means meeting the need of the moment... no matter what it is. If he wants me to do cook, get busy. If he wants me to listen, open my ears and focus. And this is big for me...because I'm the baby of the family. BE WILLING to be helpful without worrying about what is in it for me! OUCH! The return might be him being curious to find out more of what I need...but that shouldn't be my intention. My needs right now...MUST be put on hold! He has been here for me through thick and thin! Any needs I long for right now...I must turn to GOD!
3. Willingness: Kindness inspires you to be a agreeable! Rather than complaining and making excuses for what I don't want to do, I should be willing to compromise and accommodate. After all, this marriage isn't just about me. Listen, and be flexible! If you know me real well, you know I don't typically go and 'do stuff' with other people. I like to be a home-body, but Cory, well, if you know him...he likes to be out socializing all the time. Like a little social butterfly! So, we had been invited to a New Years Cook-out. At first I didn't want to go, but it is one of my best friends, and we never do anything for New Years...so I asked him if he wanted to go. Of course, he said YES! I'm sure we will have a fabulous time. Especially since God is changing my attitude!
4. Initiative: Kindness thinks ahead, and makes the first step. It is very, very often, I'm ashamed to say, that when Cory and Naomi walk in the house after not seeing them all day, I rarely speak to him. So, from now on...I will greet him with a smile first and then move on to my child (baby steps). After all, I chose him way before she came along. The kind spouse greets first, smiles first, serves first and forgives first! It doesn't require me asking him to get his act together first...which has been our vicious cycle all along. "If you would do this, you would get this!" over and over and over again....When I see the need, I must make a move to show him kindness
This all goes back to the story of the good Samaritan. Years of strife and division can be ended with one act of kindness!
The book states that sometimes it is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel no motivation. And right now is tough for me..believe me, it is tough. But as Dr Quiett and the book said, Love is not based on feeling. Love in its truest sense is determined by thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. I will never love Cory the way God intends until I am able to be more kind to him...STARTING TODAY! :)
DEAR LORD, YOU KNOW MY HEART! You know my insecurities, please satisfy my soul while I enter in to a realm of the unknown, and try to fulfill the plan you have designed for me! Help to be more like you by showing Cory acts of patience and kindness! I love you! Amen!
PRACTICAL: My random act of kindness this morning, was trying to keep Naomi quiet while Cory was off work, and trying to sleep in. I then took the PILES of trash from Christmas to the road for trash pick-up today. Small...but effective I hope. I'm sure my kindness won't stop there!
Day 1 synopsis....PATIENCE
Yesterday wasn't that bad, but probably because I only saw him about 2 hours the whole day. :) However, you and I both know that this isn't about just doing it on the dare day, it is about continuing to do it. Continuing to be patient...continuing to try to understand him better! As I stated yesterday, I am a planner. So giving up 'planning' his and Naomi's day may not seem huge to you, but if you know me...you know it gigantic! I did realize at the end of the evening, I am blessed to have a husband who doesn't plan. I have to be more patient with that. Last night I had a friend come over to chat a bit...kind of an accountability thing for both of us (love her!), and I asked Cory earlier in the day when he and Naomi would be home, because, I like to plan. He said maybe 5 or 6. I explained that I needed some time to talk to a friend, and what did he do? He said, 'what can I do?'. I said, well, it would be great if you wasted a little time and picked up some milk and tide. And you know what, he did?! Spur of the moment, I told him I needed some privacy and he gave it to me. He even took care of supper for himself and Naomi so I could have a little extra time! (although I did give him a hard time about not bringing me back something....shame on me!) So whether it means anything to anyone else or not, it means something to me. LOVE IS PATIENT....when I want to plan the day minute by minute, and he doesn't because he works better that way....BE PATIENT KATRINA.....God gave him that gift for a reason! :)
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Four reasons...
Four reasons to want to save my marraige...
1. God commands me too
2. For Cory
3. For Naomi
4. For ME!!!
Day 1: Love is Patient
DARE: Demonstrate patience and say nothing negative to your spouse at all today! If the temptation arises, don't say anything, and hold your tongue.
So, I read Day 1 yesterday, and as the day went on, I knew I needed to do Day 1 again. Patience is something we joke about day by day, but I think I finally realized something today. LOVE IS PATIENT. Anything I quote or say in this blog is going to be straight out of the book, so I will go ahead and reference that, but it says LOVE is built on two pillars of PATIENCE and KINDNESS. Really? Two simple words I've heard my whole life, but patient and be nice. I find that I can be both of these to total strangers, to my employees (at times - hehe to those reading this), but find it extremely hard to be patient to Cory?!
The one thing that stood out abruptly in my first day's dare was "Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human. Patience understands that everyone fails." Wow! Basically, I need to listen to the words of this book, and Dr. Quiett who told me to quit thinking that my husband will be perfect. Think of all the things he is patient with me about? God is the only one in this world who will not harm me or forsake me. Everyone else, including me, is human, therefore will make mistakes against each other. So TODAY my goal is to be more patient. Believe me, Cory has patience 100 times what I have when it comes to him.
So..that's that...today is patience. I can't get the marriage I want by getting all heated inside. I thirst for love; we all thirst for love. And with it, it changes our motivation for living. The book says to not overreact in angry, foolish, and regrettable ways. Patience can stop people in their tracks. So, I'm going to think of like this...my husband is a good, godly man who unfortunately can't read my mind and do everything I want him to do. I need to be more patient and understanding of this. He is man, and I am woman. We ARE DIFFERENT!
Practical: I had to just leave this morning. He is off all week, and I'm sad to say that I am slammed at work. He has gotten to go visit with his family yesterday and today, and I wished I was caught up enough to go visit with them too. I know I know, family first, but I do have responsibilities at work too. Me, being a planner, wanted to plan the day step by step, but he being a partial procrastinator does thing a little different. So, I told him and my little girl good bye, and fully expect them to make it through the day without my planning! RIGHT?!
If you haven't read anything else, this was my confirmation that I am doing this dare because God commanded me too. The last sentence of DAY 1 said "Think of this as a marathon, not a sprint. But it's a race worth running." For those who know me...this speaks volumes!
So, I read Day 1 yesterday, and as the day went on, I knew I needed to do Day 1 again. Patience is something we joke about day by day, but I think I finally realized something today. LOVE IS PATIENT. Anything I quote or say in this blog is going to be straight out of the book, so I will go ahead and reference that, but it says LOVE is built on two pillars of PATIENCE and KINDNESS. Really? Two simple words I've heard my whole life, but patient and be nice. I find that I can be both of these to total strangers, to my employees (at times - hehe to those reading this), but find it extremely hard to be patient to Cory?!
The one thing that stood out abruptly in my first day's dare was "Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human. Patience understands that everyone fails." Wow! Basically, I need to listen to the words of this book, and Dr. Quiett who told me to quit thinking that my husband will be perfect. Think of all the things he is patient with me about? God is the only one in this world who will not harm me or forsake me. Everyone else, including me, is human, therefore will make mistakes against each other. So TODAY my goal is to be more patient. Believe me, Cory has patience 100 times what I have when it comes to him.
So..that's that...today is patience. I can't get the marriage I want by getting all heated inside. I thirst for love; we all thirst for love. And with it, it changes our motivation for living. The book says to not overreact in angry, foolish, and regrettable ways. Patience can stop people in their tracks. So, I'm going to think of like this...my husband is a good, godly man who unfortunately can't read my mind and do everything I want him to do. I need to be more patient and understanding of this. He is man, and I am woman. We ARE DIFFERENT!
Practical: I had to just leave this morning. He is off all week, and I'm sad to say that I am slammed at work. He has gotten to go visit with his family yesterday and today, and I wished I was caught up enough to go visit with them too. I know I know, family first, but I do have responsibilities at work too. Me, being a planner, wanted to plan the day step by step, but he being a partial procrastinator does thing a little different. So, I told him and my little girl good bye, and fully expect them to make it through the day without my planning! RIGHT?!
If you haven't read anything else, this was my confirmation that I am doing this dare because God commanded me too. The last sentence of DAY 1 said "Think of this as a marathon, not a sprint. But it's a race worth running." For those who know me...this speaks volumes!
Monday, December 27, 2010
The challenge
So, I decided to blog my new challenge. My husband of four years has no clue what is about to hit him. As time goes on, I will open up more and let you know where our struggles lie. But for now, I will keep it simple and by the book.
We have a tough four years of marriage. At the 'in love' stage, all was well. Our struggles today we never worked through and never got past.
So, today, I have started the LOVE DARE based on the movie Fireproof Your Marraige. I figured it I blogged it, I would be held accountable. I couldn't back out. I want to make it this work for him, for both of our families, and for my savior JESUS CHRIST.
So, today's challenge was patience. I decided, to start back over tomorrow, and plan a specific time to wake up each day, to read my challenge. Post my fears, my anxiety, etc. and then that night, or the next day, blog how it went.
Again, he has no clue. But hopefully you can follow me through this challenge to make this right. My husband is a great man, and has stood beside me through many turmoils. I have to find a way for he and I to fall in love again!
See you tomorrow!
We have a tough four years of marriage. At the 'in love' stage, all was well. Our struggles today we never worked through and never got past.
So, today, I have started the LOVE DARE based on the movie Fireproof Your Marraige. I figured it I blogged it, I would be held accountable. I couldn't back out. I want to make it this work for him, for both of our families, and for my savior JESUS CHRIST.
So, today's challenge was patience. I decided, to start back over tomorrow, and plan a specific time to wake up each day, to read my challenge. Post my fears, my anxiety, etc. and then that night, or the next day, blog how it went.
Again, he has no clue. But hopefully you can follow me through this challenge to make this right. My husband is a great man, and has stood beside me through many turmoils. I have to find a way for he and I to fall in love again!
See you tomorrow!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)