Dare 27: Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has told you you’re expecting too much and tell them your sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you’ll seek to understand and assure them of your unconditional love.
Funny how I haven’t been blogging and skipped a couple of days doing the dare, and then today, when I start back, God paces just what I need to hear. Today’s dare is about encouraging your spouse. I know Cory and I both went into our marriage with higher expectations than what we should have had. I’m sure that is one of the biggest mistakes made by newly engaged/married couples. I know I made promises to Cory that I haven’t kept. A lot of marriages make promises that aren’t kept.
The book says that if a wife expects her husband to always be on time, clean up after himself, and UNDERSTAND ALL her needs, she will be constantly disappointed. I know a lot of time for me, I put Cory at such an in-human high standard that he is destined to fail in my eyes. Especially when I want him to read my mind. The truth is that I should understand that he is human, which means, he will forget things, sometimes he will be thoughtless. That way, when he is the opposite of those things, I can responsible in a loving and kind way.
If we don’t allow our spouses to be human, divorce WILL happen. Today’s dare says that is why we must encourage them rather than putting harmful expectations for them. One thing I hear from other couples who are struggling, and the thing I fight with is back to that selfish thing. I must focus more on my personal responsibility and improving myself rather than one demanding more from Cory. This is tough. I have felt like it is my responsibility to tell Cory what he needs to do better. What he needs to do to make me feel loved, but it isn’t about that. It is about changing myself. Only God can change your spouse – and the truth is, I really love Cory for who he is and how he is! The Bible has a verse about this that says “take the log out of your own eye, before pointing out the speck in your brothers.” I’m sure there are days where Cory feels like he has to walk on egg shells around me.
The most common response to something like this is saying that the problem is not yourself but your spouse. If that is the way we feel, then we might as well stop the dare, and stop working on our marriages now. What I think is is important and critical to the future of our marriage, and what I feel I must say he needs to improve on, can cause an attitude where few people will respond totally objectively, but rather critically. When we dated, I would bend over backwards for him, and ignore his minor imperfections, and wasn’t that when we were happiest? Sometimes my goal-oriented personality puts high demands on Cory – but truthfully I need to just make Cory happy. The Bible says, “Encourage one another and build up one another….”
So my goal today is really to quit making excuses for why I don’t respond to Cory in ways that I should be. It will be tough for me, because there is still a lot to overcome, but the truth is that I’m scarring his personality by not responding sometimes in the way he needs to me. He needs that respect from me. This is going to be harder than I thought, because I expect so much from Cory – but really isn’t he perfect just the way he is? There are several areas I can improve with this….one, I expect him to think of doing little special things for me all the time, two I expect him to make me feel important and more loved – and third…well, I think those are big enough for me to overcome!!!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
I'm back...
SO, I know a lot of you have been wondering if I gave up..NO NOT AT ALL! I left for my trip to Hoover and couldn't find my book. Got home, and still couldn't find it, so Cory went and bought me another one Friday night...well, guess what, I found it right after he got it. So, we start the next day....I will blog it tonight. Hope you are still tagging along!
Katrina
Katrina
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Postponed
Hi everyone! It seems I can locate my Love dare book to do my dares the next couple of days. I know I put it out to bring but can't seem to find it now!
I do have some things to post though. Some things on my heart. It seems that every time I turn around, God is placing another lady in my path who needs prayers for marriage. Some I know the private details, some I don't, but even this morning, a lady email me and said she needed prayers for her marriage. How do these people know to turn to me? Is God putting them in my path for a reason? Yes, Ive come along way but am still learning, and still healing in my marriage. I'm not sure where He wants this to go. So, what I am praying about is doing a Love Dare study for women only at the church. Our marraiges are falling apart! This is Satan's design to ruin them. God created marriage to help us understand the LOVE of GOD better....it is a union by God, and Satan seeks to destroy it. Divorce is too easy...anything that is easy, is scary. Marriage is tough for all..anything you have to fight for...is worth it!!!!
Dear God, Please cover marriages today. Bind Satan for ever entering them! He has no authority in them. SEND HIM AWAY! AMEN
I do have some things to post though. Some things on my heart. It seems that every time I turn around, God is placing another lady in my path who needs prayers for marriage. Some I know the private details, some I don't, but even this morning, a lady email me and said she needed prayers for her marriage. How do these people know to turn to me? Is God putting them in my path for a reason? Yes, Ive come along way but am still learning, and still healing in my marriage. I'm not sure where He wants this to go. So, what I am praying about is doing a Love Dare study for women only at the church. Our marraiges are falling apart! This is Satan's design to ruin them. God created marriage to help us understand the LOVE of GOD better....it is a union by God, and Satan seeks to destroy it. Divorce is too easy...anything that is easy, is scary. Marriage is tough for all..anything you have to fight for...is worth it!!!!
Dear God, Please cover marriages today. Bind Satan for ever entering them! He has no authority in them. SEND HIM AWAY! AMEN
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Day 26: Love is responsible
DARE: Take time to pray through your areas of wrong doing. Ask God's forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. Do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for your forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in LOVE. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.
Romans 2:1 - When you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things.
today's dare is a very tough one. The good thing for me is, we have already crossed the road for forgiveness. We have already both become responsible for where we failed each other, and have moved forward from such. It is amazing that when God is control, things likes this just feel right. You can hear those around you saying NO, but hear God's voice above the others saying "do as I say and I will protect you".
But for us, this was a milestone in our marriage. We recommitted to each other and I decided we now have a second anniversary date! It can be the same for you. BUt don't do this dare because you are reading mine. If you feel you have things to take responsibility for, listen to God's voice. He knows when the right time is.
This dare is about responsibility. As time goes on, people seem to take less and less responsibility. In politics, in business, in celebrities, and in our back door, we see excuses after excuses. Everyone is so quick to be justified in their motives, and deflect criticism. In our marriages, we are so quick to blame our spouse, not accepting that we may be pushing them to this craziness. I did....my attitude affected Cory greatly. I pushed him to being someone he didn't like. Someone I didn't like and I made excuse for it. "well if he would do this, I would do this" Doesn't work that way!
We always believe we are right. We always want to blame. "well they did this!" But love doesn't make excuses. Love makes a difference in yourself and in your marriage. The Bible says "Rebuke is more effective for a wise man than a hundred blows on a fool" What would happen if the next time we are fussing with our spouse, we admitted we were wrong first? Worth a try....
Love is responsible and is willing to admit and correct its faults and errors up front. And repent of them. A real heart of repentance may take awhile to grow in you. Pride is very strong, but humility and honesty before God is crucial for a healthy marriage.
Now, this doesn't mean that we should let our spouse walk all over us. This is mainly meaning that if there is something that isn't right between you and God, or you and your spouse, we must take responsibility for it and make it right, and claim the blame for it. We will stumble not doubt, but to keep the favor of God, we must stay clean before Him. We must swallow our pride and take ownership and seek forgiveness no matter how our spouse responds. They should forgive you, but that isn't your responsibility. Your responsibility is responding to God and doing as he says. AS I have found, my sincereness when asking for forgiveness has gone a long way. God can give you strength as well to make this step. Cory and I both noticed this and found that when God was on our side...over coming anything was possible!
Romans 2:1 - When you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things.
today's dare is a very tough one. The good thing for me is, we have already crossed the road for forgiveness. We have already both become responsible for where we failed each other, and have moved forward from such. It is amazing that when God is control, things likes this just feel right. You can hear those around you saying NO, but hear God's voice above the others saying "do as I say and I will protect you".
But for us, this was a milestone in our marriage. We recommitted to each other and I decided we now have a second anniversary date! It can be the same for you. BUt don't do this dare because you are reading mine. If you feel you have things to take responsibility for, listen to God's voice. He knows when the right time is.
This dare is about responsibility. As time goes on, people seem to take less and less responsibility. In politics, in business, in celebrities, and in our back door, we see excuses after excuses. Everyone is so quick to be justified in their motives, and deflect criticism. In our marriages, we are so quick to blame our spouse, not accepting that we may be pushing them to this craziness. I did....my attitude affected Cory greatly. I pushed him to being someone he didn't like. Someone I didn't like and I made excuse for it. "well if he would do this, I would do this" Doesn't work that way!
We always believe we are right. We always want to blame. "well they did this!" But love doesn't make excuses. Love makes a difference in yourself and in your marriage. The Bible says "Rebuke is more effective for a wise man than a hundred blows on a fool" What would happen if the next time we are fussing with our spouse, we admitted we were wrong first? Worth a try....
Love is responsible and is willing to admit and correct its faults and errors up front. And repent of them. A real heart of repentance may take awhile to grow in you. Pride is very strong, but humility and honesty before God is crucial for a healthy marriage.
Now, this doesn't mean that we should let our spouse walk all over us. This is mainly meaning that if there is something that isn't right between you and God, or you and your spouse, we must take responsibility for it and make it right, and claim the blame for it. We will stumble not doubt, but to keep the favor of God, we must stay clean before Him. We must swallow our pride and take ownership and seek forgiveness no matter how our spouse responds. They should forgive you, but that isn't your responsibility. Your responsibility is responding to God and doing as he says. AS I have found, my sincereness when asking for forgiveness has gone a long way. God can give you strength as well to make this step. Cory and I both noticed this and found that when God was on our side...over coming anything was possible!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Day 25: Love forgives
DARE: Whatever you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to 'forgive our debts' each day, we must ask him to help us 'forgive our debtors" each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart, "i choose to forgive."
The book states that today's love dare is the toughest one of all! It can big for a person or it can be little. The truth is that forgiveness is just tough! Forgiveness is one of the most complex problems in a marriage. But the truth is forgiveness MUST happen, or a successful marriage won't happen.
Jesus tells a parable in the Bible about a servant who's master forgave him for all his many debt. He was overjoyed, but then the servant wen to collect debts from one who owed him. When the master heard this he immediately handed him over to those who would torture him until all the debt was paid. A day that had begun so happy, had ended in such sorrow because of his unforgiveness.
Isn't this our life? God forgives us over and over and over if we just ask, but yet we hold grudges in our heart. Decide for ourselves that people don't deserve forgiveness but Jesus says "My heavenly Father will also do the same for you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from you heart" Matt 18:35
Uforgiveness not only puts those around us in a prison, it entangles us and puts us there as well. It weighs on our hearts and allows trife and malice to build up. Sometimes it is hard to come to a conclusion that we must forgive, because we are hurt so much. THe person may not even be sorry about what they have done. they may feel jsutified and blame you. BUt forgiveness doesn't absolve anyone of blame. It doesn't clear their record with God. It just clears your from having to worry about it and worry how to punish them. When we forgive someone, we are not turning loose to what they have done, we are turning them over to the one judge, GOD. We are saving ourselves from having to argue with them, decide a punishment, and have decided it isn't about who wins or loses. It is about freedom and our ability to let go!!
But doing it....is hard! "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is MINE, I will repay,' says the Lord. Rom 12:19
HOw do you know you have been successful? their name or face, no longer causes you anguish. Them being around you no longer causes you to be mad. Rather you pity them and hope they get this turned around!
GREAT Marriages are not created by people whop never hurt each other, but by those who chose to keep 'no record of wrongs'. I Cor 13:5
The book states that today's love dare is the toughest one of all! It can big for a person or it can be little. The truth is that forgiveness is just tough! Forgiveness is one of the most complex problems in a marriage. But the truth is forgiveness MUST happen, or a successful marriage won't happen.
Jesus tells a parable in the Bible about a servant who's master forgave him for all his many debt. He was overjoyed, but then the servant wen to collect debts from one who owed him. When the master heard this he immediately handed him over to those who would torture him until all the debt was paid. A day that had begun so happy, had ended in such sorrow because of his unforgiveness.
Isn't this our life? God forgives us over and over and over if we just ask, but yet we hold grudges in our heart. Decide for ourselves that people don't deserve forgiveness but Jesus says "My heavenly Father will also do the same for you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from you heart" Matt 18:35
Uforgiveness not only puts those around us in a prison, it entangles us and puts us there as well. It weighs on our hearts and allows trife and malice to build up. Sometimes it is hard to come to a conclusion that we must forgive, because we are hurt so much. THe person may not even be sorry about what they have done. they may feel jsutified and blame you. BUt forgiveness doesn't absolve anyone of blame. It doesn't clear their record with God. It just clears your from having to worry about it and worry how to punish them. When we forgive someone, we are not turning loose to what they have done, we are turning them over to the one judge, GOD. We are saving ourselves from having to argue with them, decide a punishment, and have decided it isn't about who wins or loses. It is about freedom and our ability to let go!!
But doing it....is hard! "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is MINE, I will repay,' says the Lord. Rom 12:19
HOw do you know you have been successful? their name or face, no longer causes you anguish. Them being around you no longer causes you to be mad. Rather you pity them and hope they get this turned around!
GREAT Marriages are not created by people whop never hurt each other, but by those who chose to keep 'no record of wrongs'. I Cor 13:5
Friday, January 21, 2011
today...
I don't know why but today is a struggle for me. AS I text back and forth with a friend who is going through some of the same stuff, I am finding it tougher and tougher to rely on God, when I thought it would be easier and easier. I assume, Satan is just trying to get back in, but today's dare just upset me a bit. I have trouble discerning between how much I should just rely on God, and yet how much I should communicate with Cory to let him know I am feeling. Of course, he is reading this now (hi Cory!), but it is a struggle. I don't want to lust after love from my husband...I want to love God, and allow him to satisfy my needs. But then, what is the point of a marriage? God gave us marriage because he knew it wasn't good for man to be alone, right?! But yet, we should be totally dependent on God right? So, where do we draw the line on communicating to our spouse our needs, and not feel selfish about it?!
(Cory - btw, your are doing great...this is my struggle - not yours! - LU)
(Cory - btw, your are doing great...this is my struggle - not yours! - LU)
Day 24: Love vs Lust
DARE: End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed - today - and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.
Beginning in the garden of Eden, it started with the eyes noticing the unforbidden fruit and then it escaped to the heart, with feelings of shame and regret. Adam and Eve, as with us, were given everything they needed for a productive and full life. The Bible states that God will provide the basic of food and clothing, and we should be content with that. We might say we are and want nothing more, but that would be a lie. We are of this world. We always want more and our flesh wants us to seek more worldly pleasures. we might look, stare and then fantasize, and barely turn our eyes away - but then curiosity captures our heart and we become entangled. THEN we act on our lust.
Lust is generally thought of as a sexual sin, and it can be, but lust can be lusting not just after people. We can lust after possessions, power, higher positions, etc. For me, I have always lusted after love! I know there have been times when I was turned from the face of God, and thought 'if I could only have this'. The Bible says in I Tim 6:9 "But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction." Ive been there. We have all been there. God knows about our secrets...God knows about my desires.
Lust cannot be in a marriage and it cannot be in a Christian life. It, along with selfishness, is a total opposite of LOVE. Lust is the first step out of the fellowship of love. Lust breeds more lusts, and more lusts. And when lusts for someone of something else in a marriage, it breeds anger, numbs hearts and destroys marriages. In our experience - it led straight to loneliness and emptiness.
So whatever your lust, whatever my lust might be - it doesn't have to be for the world to know, like in this blog! :) But I must realize something that has taken years to learn - it is a misguided thirst for satisfaction that only God can fulfill. Ive said this before, but still learning it, lust is not letting God fulfill the desires of your heart. For me, it is putting my spouse on such a high pedestal and wanting to feel that love from him every second, but he can't that. Funny how I tend to LUST for LOVE and the two just don't mingle. That's why today's lesson is so important for me. I can't lust to be loved by Cory - he can't love me the way I need. He can do his best and he should try to love me that way - but true love is when God fills me! When my eyes and my heart and my actions are from him, it will lead to lasting joy!
This is soo soo hard for me. I am strong in every area of my life, but in my 'love' relationship. My sister will tell you, I've always had a man in my life. I've never been single at all. I long for that connection, that security, that love. But I've never been satisfied the way I need to be. I've grown bitter when Cory couldn't give me the love I wanted...when all along God has been ready and willing to give it to me. This is a struggle for me! The worst...this is the one I need your prayers on. Learning to let God love, and not being so hard on Cory when I look to the wrong place, him, for that love. Daily receiving of the unconditional love that HE has already proven to me through His son and the cross, should be enough!
"Do not love the things of this works. If anyone loves the world, the love of the father is not in him." I John 2:15
LUST IS THE BEST THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER, BUT LOVE OFFERS YOU THE BEST LIFE IN THE WORLD! This has to be my daily eternal prayer - Get love from GOD!
Beginning in the garden of Eden, it started with the eyes noticing the unforbidden fruit and then it escaped to the heart, with feelings of shame and regret. Adam and Eve, as with us, were given everything they needed for a productive and full life. The Bible states that God will provide the basic of food and clothing, and we should be content with that. We might say we are and want nothing more, but that would be a lie. We are of this world. We always want more and our flesh wants us to seek more worldly pleasures. we might look, stare and then fantasize, and barely turn our eyes away - but then curiosity captures our heart and we become entangled. THEN we act on our lust.
Lust is generally thought of as a sexual sin, and it can be, but lust can be lusting not just after people. We can lust after possessions, power, higher positions, etc. For me, I have always lusted after love! I know there have been times when I was turned from the face of God, and thought 'if I could only have this'. The Bible says in I Tim 6:9 "But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction." Ive been there. We have all been there. God knows about our secrets...God knows about my desires.
Lust cannot be in a marriage and it cannot be in a Christian life. It, along with selfishness, is a total opposite of LOVE. Lust is the first step out of the fellowship of love. Lust breeds more lusts, and more lusts. And when lusts for someone of something else in a marriage, it breeds anger, numbs hearts and destroys marriages. In our experience - it led straight to loneliness and emptiness.
So whatever your lust, whatever my lust might be - it doesn't have to be for the world to know, like in this blog! :) But I must realize something that has taken years to learn - it is a misguided thirst for satisfaction that only God can fulfill. Ive said this before, but still learning it, lust is not letting God fulfill the desires of your heart. For me, it is putting my spouse on such a high pedestal and wanting to feel that love from him every second, but he can't that. Funny how I tend to LUST for LOVE and the two just don't mingle. That's why today's lesson is so important for me. I can't lust to be loved by Cory - he can't love me the way I need. He can do his best and he should try to love me that way - but true love is when God fills me! When my eyes and my heart and my actions are from him, it will lead to lasting joy!
This is soo soo hard for me. I am strong in every area of my life, but in my 'love' relationship. My sister will tell you, I've always had a man in my life. I've never been single at all. I long for that connection, that security, that love. But I've never been satisfied the way I need to be. I've grown bitter when Cory couldn't give me the love I wanted...when all along God has been ready and willing to give it to me. This is a struggle for me! The worst...this is the one I need your prayers on. Learning to let God love, and not being so hard on Cory when I look to the wrong place, him, for that love. Daily receiving of the unconditional love that HE has already proven to me through His son and the cross, should be enough!
"Do not love the things of this works. If anyone loves the world, the love of the father is not in him." I John 2:15
LUST IS THE BEST THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER, BUT LOVE OFFERS YOU THE BEST LIFE IN THE WORLD! This has to be my daily eternal prayer - Get love from GOD!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Day 23: Love always Protects
DARE:Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.
CHECK!! Accomplished this dare already! God has changed our hearts and our love for each other is not hindered by any addiction or influence! Thank-you God for bringing our hearts to you!
"Love always Protects" I Cor 13:7
"Marriage is made up of many things, including joys, sorrow, successes, failures....and battles." Battles are what today's dare is about. Marriage is a union that is of God. Satan hates marriages that are of God and he hates it when people learn to understand God's love by showing others. Satan knows our weaknesses, especially mine. Cory and I must protect our marriage....and constantly! Some things the book mention to be aware of are below:
Harmful influences. Internet and TC, work are all things that can be enjoyable additions to your life, but they can also bring a destructive corner. The can steal your time away from your spouse and drain hours from your family. You must be there to protect your home. You can't if you are rarely there in flesh or not. I'm struggling with this a lot this week. With the choir and the race coming up, I've been gone three nights this week, and I can tell my little girl misses me, and me and Cory have not been able to be there for each other. Even though what I am doing is a good things, I miss my family.
Unhealthy relationships: This is pretty simple - ANYONE who undermines your marriage does not deserve to be give the title of 'friend'. Stay way from those. And stay away form or be on guard for those opposite-sex relationships at work, the gym, and church...without knowing it, they can draw you emotionally away from your spouse!
Shame: Because a marriage has a way of exposing everything to your spouse, you know all there is to know about them. The book says to never speak negatively about them in public. I used to this all the time about Cory, and to be honest, IW as wrong on two levels. one, it was my selfishness that made me look at him that way when he really was the right one, and two - you should never speak ugly of the one you love. LOVE hides the faults of others. I think I can use this in my marriage and friendships. It covers their shame!
Parasites: Parasites are things which promise pleasure, but end up destroying your marriage. Things like, drugs, gambling, porn, alcohol, etc. Marriages have trouble surviving when their are parasites around. (you must remember - don't focus on your spouse's parasites - they are reading this dare - this is about your parasites) You must destroy them, or they will destroy you!
God warns in the Bible "My flock has become prey...food for all the beasts of the field." We are that to Satan. He knows our buttons, and he will push them, daily! You can't feel your own desires daily, without looking to feed your spouses. Here is the command:
WIVES: Guard your heart from being led away through novels, magazines and other forms of entertainment that can blur the reality and put on unfair expectations of your spouse. Make him feel strong! "the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands." I am going to use this as my dare today. I am going to BUILD HIM UP!
HUSBANDS: YOU are the head of the home. You are responsible before God for guarding the gate and protecting anything that would hurt your marriage and your wife. This is not a small task, but one to be taken seriously. "If the head of the house had known what time of the night the thief was coming, he would have been on alert and would have not allowed his house to be broken into." Know your spouse. Know how to protect her. That's what women want! I have to say that I felt Cory's protection when he stood up for me last week during a crisis in our marriage. For him to reach out and say, 'she is my wife' and emphasize that he wants me and wants to protect me when people try to hurt me....made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Never felt that kind of protection before. Almost like God...I don't care what she has said, what she has done, she is my wife, and I stand by her 100%! THANK-YOU!
CHECK!! Accomplished this dare already! God has changed our hearts and our love for each other is not hindered by any addiction or influence! Thank-you God for bringing our hearts to you!
"Love always Protects" I Cor 13:7
"Marriage is made up of many things, including joys, sorrow, successes, failures....and battles." Battles are what today's dare is about. Marriage is a union that is of God. Satan hates marriages that are of God and he hates it when people learn to understand God's love by showing others. Satan knows our weaknesses, especially mine. Cory and I must protect our marriage....and constantly! Some things the book mention to be aware of are below:
Harmful influences. Internet and TC, work are all things that can be enjoyable additions to your life, but they can also bring a destructive corner. The can steal your time away from your spouse and drain hours from your family. You must be there to protect your home. You can't if you are rarely there in flesh or not. I'm struggling with this a lot this week. With the choir and the race coming up, I've been gone three nights this week, and I can tell my little girl misses me, and me and Cory have not been able to be there for each other. Even though what I am doing is a good things, I miss my family.
Unhealthy relationships: This is pretty simple - ANYONE who undermines your marriage does not deserve to be give the title of 'friend'. Stay way from those. And stay away form or be on guard for those opposite-sex relationships at work, the gym, and church...without knowing it, they can draw you emotionally away from your spouse!
Shame: Because a marriage has a way of exposing everything to your spouse, you know all there is to know about them. The book says to never speak negatively about them in public. I used to this all the time about Cory, and to be honest, IW as wrong on two levels. one, it was my selfishness that made me look at him that way when he really was the right one, and two - you should never speak ugly of the one you love. LOVE hides the faults of others. I think I can use this in my marriage and friendships. It covers their shame!
Parasites: Parasites are things which promise pleasure, but end up destroying your marriage. Things like, drugs, gambling, porn, alcohol, etc. Marriages have trouble surviving when their are parasites around. (you must remember - don't focus on your spouse's parasites - they are reading this dare - this is about your parasites) You must destroy them, or they will destroy you!
God warns in the Bible "My flock has become prey...food for all the beasts of the field." We are that to Satan. He knows our buttons, and he will push them, daily! You can't feel your own desires daily, without looking to feed your spouses. Here is the command:
WIVES: Guard your heart from being led away through novels, magazines and other forms of entertainment that can blur the reality and put on unfair expectations of your spouse. Make him feel strong! "the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands." I am going to use this as my dare today. I am going to BUILD HIM UP!
HUSBANDS: YOU are the head of the home. You are responsible before God for guarding the gate and protecting anything that would hurt your marriage and your wife. This is not a small task, but one to be taken seriously. "If the head of the house had known what time of the night the thief was coming, he would have been on alert and would have not allowed his house to be broken into." Know your spouse. Know how to protect her. That's what women want! I have to say that I felt Cory's protection when he stood up for me last week during a crisis in our marriage. For him to reach out and say, 'she is my wife' and emphasize that he wants me and wants to protect me when people try to hurt me....made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Never felt that kind of protection before. Almost like God...I don't care what she has said, what she has done, she is my wife, and I stand by her 100%! THANK-YOU!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Day 22: Love is Faithful
DARE: Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knew-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them in words similar to these, "I love you. Period. Choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."
Funny how I grew up in church and know stories in the Bible front to back. But as an adult, when I go back and read the same story, I finally get the point. Today's story is about unconditional love. And being faithful to that love, and faithful to God.
In the book of Hosea, God instructs the prophet Hosea to marry a prostititute. In today's world, can you imagine if a Holy man of God marries a prostitute because "God told him too." How many frowns do you think that would get?! But God did tell him too, and Hosea listened. He married Gomer. He had three children with Gomer. But then, this lady who had made her living by living in immortality was not content to stay with just one man. This embarrassed Hosea, and how do you think he felt after God told him to do this. Discouraged? Most likely. Shame? Of course!! I would. But he had grown to love her. They had once been close. As time passed, God spoke to Hosea again and told him to go and reaffirm his love her Gomer. (an example on waiting on God to speak) He had to go and buy her off a slave block. But he did. he paid the price to get his own wife back. He treated her with more love and welcomed her back in and expression of unconditional love.
God placed this story in the Bible I'm sure to demonstrate a life-like love with heavenly meaning. God loves us this way. Even when we don't pay attention, he shows favor on us. We reject Him...He still loves us and remains faithful.
Jesus calls us to this kind of love in our life and in our marriage. He said "love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:27-28 I know I am not persecuted daily for my love for Christ. I do know there are days I get mistreated and get talked about. God tells me to love those who do this, and PRAY FOR them. God has been convicting me a lot lately about my prayer life. So often, people send prayer reqeusts my way, and I say ok I will pray....and I forget! No more....Prayer is my communication with God.
From a marriage persepctive, you would never think that your spouse could become your enemy, but they can. Too often marriages dwindle down to that level, and even to the point of betrayal and people respond so quickly to a rapid divorce. Others, care more about their reputation than each other's happiness and think to keep the charade going with no intention of even liking one another. Unfortunately, I have been on both of those decisions. With the first divorce, I gave up quickly. With Cory, we just kept living an act. Either way, I'm embarrassed on the decsisions that I Have made, but in the same token, I am very thankful. Those decisions have molded me to who I am right now. Katrina Ann Hanks, with a wonderful husband, Cory, a beautiful daughter Naomi, and a part of two great families who love me dearly.
Marriage and love is the model for a follower of Christ. If our love is to be like HIS, it must be around even when it is unwanted or unappreciated. We can give undesevred love to our spouses because God did - over and over again. I am asking Him today, to fill me with the love only He can give me, and help me give it in a way that reflects gratefllness to God for loving me, and shown to Cory and those around me.
Funny how I grew up in church and know stories in the Bible front to back. But as an adult, when I go back and read the same story, I finally get the point. Today's story is about unconditional love. And being faithful to that love, and faithful to God.
In the book of Hosea, God instructs the prophet Hosea to marry a prostititute. In today's world, can you imagine if a Holy man of God marries a prostitute because "God told him too." How many frowns do you think that would get?! But God did tell him too, and Hosea listened. He married Gomer. He had three children with Gomer. But then, this lady who had made her living by living in immortality was not content to stay with just one man. This embarrassed Hosea, and how do you think he felt after God told him to do this. Discouraged? Most likely. Shame? Of course!! I would. But he had grown to love her. They had once been close. As time passed, God spoke to Hosea again and told him to go and reaffirm his love her Gomer. (an example on waiting on God to speak) He had to go and buy her off a slave block. But he did. he paid the price to get his own wife back. He treated her with more love and welcomed her back in and expression of unconditional love.
God placed this story in the Bible I'm sure to demonstrate a life-like love with heavenly meaning. God loves us this way. Even when we don't pay attention, he shows favor on us. We reject Him...He still loves us and remains faithful.
Jesus calls us to this kind of love in our life and in our marriage. He said "love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:27-28 I know I am not persecuted daily for my love for Christ. I do know there are days I get mistreated and get talked about. God tells me to love those who do this, and PRAY FOR them. God has been convicting me a lot lately about my prayer life. So often, people send prayer reqeusts my way, and I say ok I will pray....and I forget! No more....Prayer is my communication with God.
From a marriage persepctive, you would never think that your spouse could become your enemy, but they can. Too often marriages dwindle down to that level, and even to the point of betrayal and people respond so quickly to a rapid divorce. Others, care more about their reputation than each other's happiness and think to keep the charade going with no intention of even liking one another. Unfortunately, I have been on both of those decisions. With the first divorce, I gave up quickly. With Cory, we just kept living an act. Either way, I'm embarrassed on the decsisions that I Have made, but in the same token, I am very thankful. Those decisions have molded me to who I am right now. Katrina Ann Hanks, with a wonderful husband, Cory, a beautiful daughter Naomi, and a part of two great families who love me dearly.
Marriage and love is the model for a follower of Christ. If our love is to be like HIS, it must be around even when it is unwanted or unappreciated. We can give undesevred love to our spouses because God did - over and over again. I am asking Him today, to fill me with the love only He can give me, and help me give it in a way that reflects gratefllness to God for loving me, and shown to Cory and those around me.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Day 21: Love is satisfied in GOD
DARE: Be intentional today about making time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day or reading a chapter in the gospels. As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.
As I have now come face to face with understanding that God is what I need, today is about letting him satisfy your needs...every day. Our spouses will let us down. We will let our spouses down, but God will always be there. He will always do exactly what we need, if we let him. Our spouses will never be able to satisfy all our needs. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. We are both human. However, God is not.
God can give inner peace. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the peace that surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7
God can help you be content. "IN any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled....I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:12-13
Our spouses can complete some of these things, but God can fully satisfy. The needs for me for love, peace and adequacy are very real. I even see it in my child's personality. I need to feel these things. They are are real. But rather than plugging into things that are unstable, I must stay plugged into God. I must seek Him every day.
Date day went great...still re-learning each other at times, but had a wonderful time. Went by way too fast and wish we can have a do-over! :)
As I have now come face to face with understanding that God is what I need, today is about letting him satisfy your needs...every day. Our spouses will let us down. We will let our spouses down, but God will always be there. He will always do exactly what we need, if we let him. Our spouses will never be able to satisfy all our needs. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. We are both human. However, God is not.
God can give inner peace. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the peace that surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7
God can help you be content. "IN any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled....I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:12-13
Our spouses can complete some of these things, but God can fully satisfy. The needs for me for love, peace and adequacy are very real. I even see it in my child's personality. I need to feel these things. They are are real. But rather than plugging into things that are unstable, I must stay plugged into God. I must seek Him every day.
Date day went great...still re-learning each other at times, but had a wonderful time. Went by way too fast and wish we can have a do-over! :)
Monday, January 17, 2011
Half- way there...
On a side note, this dare has changed my life! I hope it is changing the lives of those who read it. My relationship with God, my relationship with Cory, my relationships at work, my relationship with my friends, my relationship with my family has suffered! But now, I am made anew! I worship God with a new attitude, and a new sense of guidance. A new hope. A new dream. God has waited for me for so long to come back into his arms, and strategically planned each step..each day...each door opened! I am His child, and I never want to turn away from Him again!
On day 20 now....20 more to go....a life-time more to go....hope you are along for the ride!
Love yall!
PS, Please say a special prayer for one of my young nieces today. Just pray for comfort and guidance for her and her family.
On day 20 now....20 more to go....a life-time more to go....hope you are along for the ride!
Love yall!
PS, Please say a special prayer for one of my young nieces today. Just pray for comfort and guidance for her and her family.
Day 20: Love is Jesus Christ
DARE: Dare to take God at his word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, "Lord Jesus, I'm a sinner. but you have shown your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and you have proven your power to save me from death by your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by your grace."
LOVE IS JESUS CHRIST! True love is found in Christ alone. It isn't until after we have received His gift of new life by accepting death in our place, and accepting His forgiveness of sins......will you be ready for this REAL LOVE DARE!
If you are reading this blog, and focusing on your own marriage, know that the next statement that I make is from the book, however, it is my life story...and maybe yours. Everything I Have failed at and haven't been able to do, every minute I have wasted trying to fix things my own way - all of it is now forgiven and made right by putting my life into the hands of the One who first gave it to me.
We are born sinful. "Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me" Ps 51:5 We are all sinners. That doesn't mean we must make an excuse for sin. If you are Christian, we know better. But the truth is, we all sin. It isn't like God sends innocent people to hell! We all deserve it. One sin isn't worse than another. They are all equal in God's eyes, and Satan's eyes. The smallest thing, like a lie, is probably the worst! As Cory said in Sunday school yesterday, lying is a gateway sin. If satan can get you there, he can gradually get you anywhere. However, God sent His only son so that we might live through him. By His death, he made invalid the idea that we are unloved because of our sin. Sometimes, I admit, I feel that way. I look to this world for love...and even to my husband. But here is the key, if I ever feel that way, my eyes are off the CROSS. All the love I will ever need in this life, should come from the CROSS!
Love like that can't be understood. Love like that can't be earned. Love like that must be received.....And when we get this, we are free to love in ways we are not capable of. Love for my spouse comes from God! No from some little lustful love I once had. True genuine love...which means doing things for him when I don't want to. - Which means, taking him to eat sushy today (yuck). Which means not going in to work on a day off - just to spend time with him. It means putting him first. Finding ways to love him, because God loves him, and God wants me to reveal His love for Cory through me! What an awesome task God has assigned to me!
1 John 4:8 says, the one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. This means I now share the same type of love with Cory. For those reading this and even the moments where I feel Cory is distracted, I must show love even when it isn't shown in return. Doesn't God do that for us over and over again? I can see his flaws and imperections, and still chose to love him. Although I will never be able to meet their needs like God can, I can be used as instrument for God's work. Now until death...and even in death!
So I say it again:
True love is found in Christ alone. It isn't until after we have received His gift of new life by accepting death in our place, and accepting His forgiveness of sins......will you be ready for this REAL LOVE DARE!
LOVE IS JESUS CHRIST! True love is found in Christ alone. It isn't until after we have received His gift of new life by accepting death in our place, and accepting His forgiveness of sins......will you be ready for this REAL LOVE DARE!
If you are reading this blog, and focusing on your own marriage, know that the next statement that I make is from the book, however, it is my life story...and maybe yours. Everything I Have failed at and haven't been able to do, every minute I have wasted trying to fix things my own way - all of it is now forgiven and made right by putting my life into the hands of the One who first gave it to me.
We are born sinful. "Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me" Ps 51:5 We are all sinners. That doesn't mean we must make an excuse for sin. If you are Christian, we know better. But the truth is, we all sin. It isn't like God sends innocent people to hell! We all deserve it. One sin isn't worse than another. They are all equal in God's eyes, and Satan's eyes. The smallest thing, like a lie, is probably the worst! As Cory said in Sunday school yesterday, lying is a gateway sin. If satan can get you there, he can gradually get you anywhere. However, God sent His only son so that we might live through him. By His death, he made invalid the idea that we are unloved because of our sin. Sometimes, I admit, I feel that way. I look to this world for love...and even to my husband. But here is the key, if I ever feel that way, my eyes are off the CROSS. All the love I will ever need in this life, should come from the CROSS!
Love like that can't be understood. Love like that can't be earned. Love like that must be received.....And when we get this, we are free to love in ways we are not capable of. Love for my spouse comes from God! No from some little lustful love I once had. True genuine love...which means doing things for him when I don't want to. - Which means, taking him to eat sushy today (yuck). Which means not going in to work on a day off - just to spend time with him. It means putting him first. Finding ways to love him, because God loves him, and God wants me to reveal His love for Cory through me! What an awesome task God has assigned to me!
1 John 4:8 says, the one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. This means I now share the same type of love with Cory. For those reading this and even the moments where I feel Cory is distracted, I must show love even when it isn't shown in return. Doesn't God do that for us over and over again? I can see his flaws and imperections, and still chose to love him. Although I will never be able to meet their needs like God can, I can be used as instrument for God's work. Now until death...and even in death!
So I say it again:
True love is found in Christ alone. It isn't until after we have received His gift of new life by accepting death in our place, and accepting His forgiveness of sins......will you be ready for this REAL LOVE DARE!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Day 19: Love is Impossible
DARE: Look back over the dares from the previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized the need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask for him to show you where you stand with him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.
This day is deep. So get ready....
This love dare so far has been things to work on on your own. Trying to become less selfish and be more considerate of your spouse. well, today, my eyes are open. I am slowly realizing that true love (agape love) can not come from me. I can't make myself love Cory unconditional. I can't just wake up one day and say 'I'm going to love Cory more now', even though I've tried so many times on my own. It is beyond what I can do. It is only from God. He can only make you love your spouse unconditionally. Because of His great love for ME, and His great love for CORY - he Choses to express HIS love through me! Isn't that amazing?! Think about it. GOD CREATED ME, MADE ME, CHOSE ME to LOVE CORY and EXPRESS HIS LOVE to HIM! FOR HIM! So, my job on this earth is to show my spouse, and others, GOD"s LOVE! WOW.... People see love from other people. God wants us to show HIM to other people. Man I have been missing this all along!
I can't muster up enough unconditional, long-term, sacrificial love from my heart. It isn't in me! I can't! GOD CAN! My sacrificial love has caused me to fail, many many times. Thinking evil against Cory, and against my family....only because of that sacrificial love. How many times I have my love proven tp be incapable of controlling my anger or allowed unforgiveness in my heart? Here is what the Bible says:
We all demonstrate selfishness, hatred, and pride. And unless something is done to cleanse of us of these ungodly attribute, we will stand before God guilty as charged. (paraphrase Romans 6:23) THAT'S WHY IF YOU ARE NOT RIGHT WITH GOD, you can't truly love your spouse, because He is the source of that love! Makes sens huh?! I haven't been able to love Cory the way he needed, the way God intended, because I haven't been truly, truly right with God! I haven't been in His word. I haven't' been praying like I should....But NOW, as this Sunday approaches. TODAY is a day of worship! Today is a day where I am right with God. Today is a day where I will love God, and I Will love Cory through God. Not of myself, but of GOD!
The one thing that is bothering me about today, is those I love who aren't in Christ. Marriages fail because someone isn't in Christ. I confess I haven't prayed for those like I should, and I must begin today. Without God's love in the marriage, things are hopeless. Agape love can't be generated. LOVE IS FROM GOD! (1 John 4:7)
But here is something to remember: "HE is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or thing, according tho the power that works within us" Eph 3:20 This is my new favorite verse!
My goal today: Stop resisting the Love of God. Stop rejecting his forgiveness and forgiveness of others. It is a tough road for me, which has caused depression. But I must focus on the LOVE OF GOD. The truth is I can't live without HIM, and I can't love Cory without him. Just imagine if I out my marriage in HIS hands?! Look what HE has already done!
Pray with me about something...I'm thinking of asking Cory to start doing the dare with me. Today actually starts Day 20 (I didn't blog yesterdays) and I feel that the beginning was all superficial..things I needed. I think we might could start growing as a family if we focus on the next 20, because it seems to be about your relationship with God more too. If he is reading this...maybe he will pray too! :)
This day is deep. So get ready....
This love dare so far has been things to work on on your own. Trying to become less selfish and be more considerate of your spouse. well, today, my eyes are open. I am slowly realizing that true love (agape love) can not come from me. I can't make myself love Cory unconditional. I can't just wake up one day and say 'I'm going to love Cory more now', even though I've tried so many times on my own. It is beyond what I can do. It is only from God. He can only make you love your spouse unconditionally. Because of His great love for ME, and His great love for CORY - he Choses to express HIS love through me! Isn't that amazing?! Think about it. GOD CREATED ME, MADE ME, CHOSE ME to LOVE CORY and EXPRESS HIS LOVE to HIM! FOR HIM! So, my job on this earth is to show my spouse, and others, GOD"s LOVE! WOW.... People see love from other people. God wants us to show HIM to other people. Man I have been missing this all along!
I can't muster up enough unconditional, long-term, sacrificial love from my heart. It isn't in me! I can't! GOD CAN! My sacrificial love has caused me to fail, many many times. Thinking evil against Cory, and against my family....only because of that sacrificial love. How many times I have my love proven tp be incapable of controlling my anger or allowed unforgiveness in my heart? Here is what the Bible says:
We all demonstrate selfishness, hatred, and pride. And unless something is done to cleanse of us of these ungodly attribute, we will stand before God guilty as charged. (paraphrase Romans 6:23) THAT'S WHY IF YOU ARE NOT RIGHT WITH GOD, you can't truly love your spouse, because He is the source of that love! Makes sens huh?! I haven't been able to love Cory the way he needed, the way God intended, because I haven't been truly, truly right with God! I haven't been in His word. I haven't' been praying like I should....But NOW, as this Sunday approaches. TODAY is a day of worship! Today is a day where I am right with God. Today is a day where I will love God, and I Will love Cory through God. Not of myself, but of GOD!
The one thing that is bothering me about today, is those I love who aren't in Christ. Marriages fail because someone isn't in Christ. I confess I haven't prayed for those like I should, and I must begin today. Without God's love in the marriage, things are hopeless. Agape love can't be generated. LOVE IS FROM GOD! (1 John 4:7)
But here is something to remember: "HE is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or thing, according tho the power that works within us" Eph 3:20 This is my new favorite verse!
My goal today: Stop resisting the Love of God. Stop rejecting his forgiveness and forgiveness of others. It is a tough road for me, which has caused depression. But I must focus on the LOVE OF GOD. The truth is I can't live without HIM, and I can't love Cory without him. Just imagine if I out my marriage in HIS hands?! Look what HE has already done!
Pray with me about something...I'm thinking of asking Cory to start doing the dare with me. Today actually starts Day 20 (I didn't blog yesterdays) and I feel that the beginning was all superficial..things I needed. I think we might could start growing as a family if we focus on the next 20, because it seems to be about your relationship with God more too. If he is reading this...maybe he will pray too! :)
Friday, January 14, 2011
Day 18: Love seeks to understand
DARE: Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've barely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.
"How blessed it the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding." -
Prov 3:13
What are my priorities? What do I spend the msot time thinking about? I confess that over the lst couple of years, my priorities have been a little messed up. Before they woudl go soemthing a little like this: Naomi, work, running, church....notice there is no husband, there is no God. Even thought i had a relationship somewhat with both, they weren't on my top list of things to 'get done' that day. I've discovered that things I care most about, I find a way to enjoy. The book lists examples of reading articles above our favorite footbal team to see how they are doing (sorry Cory - from teh book- hehe). Looking up recipres and watching cooking shows ebcause we like to cook. Or for me, looking up running articles and bringing work home. All of these things reflect a subject that appeals to us, and we make it our personal study!!
The question is, how much time do I studying Cory? We all know how it goes. For men, they try to win the heart of their woman by learning likes, dislikes, habits, and hobbies. But after he wins her heart, he marries her, and often stops learning anything about her. The challenge is less intriguing, and interests might drifts to other areas. For a woman, we start by admiring and buildng respect for this man. But after marriage, those feelings fade as we find that our perfect man, isn't so perfect anymore. The problem is, there are still so many things to discover about our mates. EVen recently, I've learned things about Cory I never knew. Things that I wanted from him, but didn't give him enough honor and respect and confidence to folllow through with them. Let's face it ladies, we all want our husbands to eb the leader - the spriritual leader. But I know I haven't been giving Cory much confidence to do that. We all want to feel love and protected - but how can Cory even begin to do these things, we I'm hateful, bitter, and no fun to be around. A man wants a sole mate too! But mroe importantly, he wants to find favor! "Good understanding produces favor" Prov 13:15
So, here is a challenge for me. If hte amount of time I spent studying and dreaming about my spouse was equal to the time before we got married....how much more should I be interested in him now. HOw much more should I know about him now? I confess, no tmuch, but I feel that changing already. One of my friends noticed yesterday that I said "I miss Cory today. I jsut want to go home." What?! Is that Katrina Ms WORAHOLIC?! Another noticed that I wanted to give up running an errand so I could get home to my family. My old anser would have been, "I don't want to take tiem away from Naomi." But that is all about to change. Cory is fun to be around, or I wouldn't have chosen him. TO use his words "I wouldn't have chosen an ugly girl to marry." Which means for me to take this as - "your beautiful" hehehe
One thing you might leanr about your spouse during this process, is your differences. Small ones, big ones, medium ones. We make a big deal about all of these at times. Jude 10 tells us that we tend to 'revile' those things we don't understand. That's why we muist understand. There preferences are who they are. They make their character. BUt we must study to understand why they are that way. I can think of real issue for me right now, is the desire to be loved. I fought this my whole my life. We have finally determined that I feel the need to have the love of a man because of losing my daddy at such a young age. I didn't have that fatherly love when I needed it the most. I still wonder why God chose to take him from us so early, but He did, and that isn't my issue to question, but the result has molded my life. My desire now, and it is a struggle, is to find favor in God, not man. There are going ot be days (preaching to myself) that Cory might not see I need extra loving. My goal is to get it from God! Not whine to Cory, not look for it elsewhere, but turn to my one true comfort God. I've failed miserably at this before.
SO, to gain that closeness, to gain that intimacy with your spouse, here is what the book suggests:
1. Ask Questions
2. Listen
3. ASk for discernment
"By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all the rpecious and pleasant riches." Prov 24:3-4
Today's dare will be hard for me to get accomplished. But I wont' forget it. Our hearts are changing, so wanting to do these great things for our spouse is becoming natural. My goal for the rest of my life, is leanr something new about husband each week. Something different. I've already learned this week he wants to be the spiritual leader -it's a process but he wants the job, he wants to protect me - I need this desperately, and he wants ME - something I thought he didn't even want to be around for years. It is step in the right direction! And I'm learning more and more each day - Cory is amazing!
"How blessed it the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding." -
Prov 3:13
What are my priorities? What do I spend the msot time thinking about? I confess that over the lst couple of years, my priorities have been a little messed up. Before they woudl go soemthing a little like this: Naomi, work, running, church....notice there is no husband, there is no God. Even thought i had a relationship somewhat with both, they weren't on my top list of things to 'get done' that day. I've discovered that things I care most about, I find a way to enjoy. The book lists examples of reading articles above our favorite footbal team to see how they are doing (sorry Cory - from teh book- hehe). Looking up recipres and watching cooking shows ebcause we like to cook. Or for me, looking up running articles and bringing work home. All of these things reflect a subject that appeals to us, and we make it our personal study!!
The question is, how much time do I studying Cory? We all know how it goes. For men, they try to win the heart of their woman by learning likes, dislikes, habits, and hobbies. But after he wins her heart, he marries her, and often stops learning anything about her. The challenge is less intriguing, and interests might drifts to other areas. For a woman, we start by admiring and buildng respect for this man. But after marriage, those feelings fade as we find that our perfect man, isn't so perfect anymore. The problem is, there are still so many things to discover about our mates. EVen recently, I've learned things about Cory I never knew. Things that I wanted from him, but didn't give him enough honor and respect and confidence to folllow through with them. Let's face it ladies, we all want our husbands to eb the leader - the spriritual leader. But I know I haven't been giving Cory much confidence to do that. We all want to feel love and protected - but how can Cory even begin to do these things, we I'm hateful, bitter, and no fun to be around. A man wants a sole mate too! But mroe importantly, he wants to find favor! "Good understanding produces favor" Prov 13:15
So, here is a challenge for me. If hte amount of time I spent studying and dreaming about my spouse was equal to the time before we got married....how much more should I be interested in him now. HOw much more should I know about him now? I confess, no tmuch, but I feel that changing already. One of my friends noticed yesterday that I said "I miss Cory today. I jsut want to go home." What?! Is that Katrina Ms WORAHOLIC?! Another noticed that I wanted to give up running an errand so I could get home to my family. My old anser would have been, "I don't want to take tiem away from Naomi." But that is all about to change. Cory is fun to be around, or I wouldn't have chosen him. TO use his words "I wouldn't have chosen an ugly girl to marry." Which means for me to take this as - "your beautiful" hehehe
One thing you might leanr about your spouse during this process, is your differences. Small ones, big ones, medium ones. We make a big deal about all of these at times. Jude 10 tells us that we tend to 'revile' those things we don't understand. That's why we muist understand. There preferences are who they are. They make their character. BUt we must study to understand why they are that way. I can think of real issue for me right now, is the desire to be loved. I fought this my whole my life. We have finally determined that I feel the need to have the love of a man because of losing my daddy at such a young age. I didn't have that fatherly love when I needed it the most. I still wonder why God chose to take him from us so early, but He did, and that isn't my issue to question, but the result has molded my life. My desire now, and it is a struggle, is to find favor in God, not man. There are going ot be days (preaching to myself) that Cory might not see I need extra loving. My goal is to get it from God! Not whine to Cory, not look for it elsewhere, but turn to my one true comfort God. I've failed miserably at this before.
SO, to gain that closeness, to gain that intimacy with your spouse, here is what the book suggests:
1. Ask Questions
2. Listen
3. ASk for discernment
"By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all the rpecious and pleasant riches." Prov 24:3-4
Today's dare will be hard for me to get accomplished. But I wont' forget it. Our hearts are changing, so wanting to do these great things for our spouse is becoming natural. My goal for the rest of my life, is leanr something new about husband each week. Something different. I've already learned this week he wants to be the spiritual leader -it's a process but he wants the job, he wants to protect me - I need this desperately, and he wants ME - something I thought he didn't even want to be around for years. It is step in the right direction! And I'm learning more and more each day - Cory is amazing!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Verse helping me get through the day....
1 John 3:19-20
By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything.
Philippians 3:13
Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,
Psalm 103:12
As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
Colossians 3:8
But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.
By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything.
Philippians 3:13
Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,
Psalm 103:12
As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
Colossians 3:8
But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.
emotions
I came home lost night discouraged, scared, wondering why God even wanted to use me. Why I was even alive!! But I woke up this morning differently. God has layed his hand on Cory. God has carried him through so much. God has blessed me with him. We shared forgiveness. We hsraed a newness with Christ. And now we get to share a newness with each other all over again. We now have a second anniversary to celebrate the rest of our lives!
My text today from him confirmed his love for me, and his devotion to this family. He wants to be my husband!!!!! He wants to be the spiritual leader (every girls dream)!!! Thank you God for answered prayers. Thank-you for this newness in you! Thank-you for not giving up on us, and opening up the doors for forgiveness and love. REAL LOVE!!!
My text today from him confirmed his love for me, and his devotion to this family. He wants to be my husband!!!!! He wants to be the spiritual leader (every girls dream)!!! Thank you God for answered prayers. Thank-you for this newness in you! Thank-you for not giving up on us, and opening up the doors for forgiveness and love. REAL LOVE!!!
day skipped - Day 13 - Love fights Fair
Well, yesterday I was actually counting up how many days and when I started this dare, and found that I actually skipped a day. Day 13. I won't apologize for this or say I can't believe I done this. I didn't do this. God did this. God has flipped me around in this book and gave me what I needed for the day I needed it. Even when things feel low, I have to remember He is there with His arms wide open. it is me who always pulls away...and I don't want to do that ever again!
So, today, there is a reason I will be going back to Day 13: Love fights fair. it is funny because today I'm feeling a little numb. A little spacy, so today's dare, God conviently put in my lap because he knows Cory and I Hardly ever fight. We don't. We don't have that violent loud relationship like some have, and that works for them. Cory and I only get loud and really fight when things have been boiling for a long time. Good or bad...we both work that way. We don't like confrontation. So, for all you reading this today, I hope it will be something that helps you, and something that helps me, without me knwoing it!
DARE: Talk with yout spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to fight by. Resolve and abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.
Mark 3:25 -If a house is divided against itself, that house will NOT be able to stand.
AS I read the verse above, I realize that this DARE is for me today!!! It isn't just fighting that divides a house. It can be silent disagreements. Silent anger. Silent bitterness. All of this can divide house, and the Lord says, it WILL. Who wants to live in a house divided? (and I'm not talking about college football) Of course, there are more verses in the Bible that teach against divorce, so that isn't what this day intends. This day intends for you to stop being divided and start being one. Some days are easy, some days are very hard. Cory and I can a test to that. But God commands His holy Matrimony to be ONE.
Conflict is inevitable. When I married, even though Cory got all my hopes and dreams, he got all my hurts, fears, imperfections, non-stableness, and just baggage! He got it all! All that ugly stuff we tend to hide when we are dating. All the ugliness, that sometimes You don't even realize you have. Cory got it! But this began the marriage, unpleasantly discovering how selfish each of us could be. Pretty soon that pedestal that Cory had me on began to tilt, and I slipped off. And finally revealed to him my private problems and my secret habits...Welcome to sin. Welcome to fallen humanity!
Then life began....work, pregnancy issues, getting used to each other's families, financial issues and many other things began to chip at us. But we aren't alone....i think every couple goes through this at point. Every couple reacts differently, based on their insecurities, and unfortunately, every couple doesn't survive it! Oh God, how I want to survive - for us and for Naomi!
So, I'm pretty sure with all the examples above, this dare won't end conflict. In some ways, conflict is good. But how you deal with conflict is what matters! And did I say, How you deal with conflict TOGETHER? I have always had a bad habit or just telling him to forget about it. Ad typically I do. I'm not one that brings stuff up over and over again. I'd rather ignore, like it never happened and move on. But the book tells me to face it - together.
A real love marriage isn't created to self-destruct. When conflict arises, I must chose to work through it, instead of my usual pattern of trying to sleep it off. And hopefully, one day, Cory and I can have one of the most intimate, trusting relationships you will find.
The book lists some examples of "we" and "me" boundaries. I will list them below and try to think of my own somewhere throughout the day, although these pretty much nail it for me.
"WE"
never mention divorce!
don't bring up past items - forgive and move on
don't 'fight' in public or in front of your kids...period! (discussions fine)
call 'time-out' if getting ugly
never touch each other harmfully
never go to bed angry
failure is not an option
"ME"
Listen before speaking James 1:9
Deal with my own issues up front - Matt 7:3
Speak gentle and keep voice down - Prov 15:1
Fighting fair, the book says, means changing your weapons. Disagree with dignity, like Jesus is in the room watching you - because He is!
Love is not a fight, but it is worth fighting for! (this is my new moto)
So, today, there is a reason I will be going back to Day 13: Love fights fair. it is funny because today I'm feeling a little numb. A little spacy, so today's dare, God conviently put in my lap because he knows Cory and I Hardly ever fight. We don't. We don't have that violent loud relationship like some have, and that works for them. Cory and I only get loud and really fight when things have been boiling for a long time. Good or bad...we both work that way. We don't like confrontation. So, for all you reading this today, I hope it will be something that helps you, and something that helps me, without me knwoing it!
DARE: Talk with yout spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to fight by. Resolve and abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.
Mark 3:25 -If a house is divided against itself, that house will NOT be able to stand.
AS I read the verse above, I realize that this DARE is for me today!!! It isn't just fighting that divides a house. It can be silent disagreements. Silent anger. Silent bitterness. All of this can divide house, and the Lord says, it WILL. Who wants to live in a house divided? (and I'm not talking about college football) Of course, there are more verses in the Bible that teach against divorce, so that isn't what this day intends. This day intends for you to stop being divided and start being one. Some days are easy, some days are very hard. Cory and I can a test to that. But God commands His holy Matrimony to be ONE.
Conflict is inevitable. When I married, even though Cory got all my hopes and dreams, he got all my hurts, fears, imperfections, non-stableness, and just baggage! He got it all! All that ugly stuff we tend to hide when we are dating. All the ugliness, that sometimes You don't even realize you have. Cory got it! But this began the marriage, unpleasantly discovering how selfish each of us could be. Pretty soon that pedestal that Cory had me on began to tilt, and I slipped off. And finally revealed to him my private problems and my secret habits...Welcome to sin. Welcome to fallen humanity!
Then life began....work, pregnancy issues, getting used to each other's families, financial issues and many other things began to chip at us. But we aren't alone....i think every couple goes through this at point. Every couple reacts differently, based on their insecurities, and unfortunately, every couple doesn't survive it! Oh God, how I want to survive - for us and for Naomi!
So, I'm pretty sure with all the examples above, this dare won't end conflict. In some ways, conflict is good. But how you deal with conflict is what matters! And did I say, How you deal with conflict TOGETHER? I have always had a bad habit or just telling him to forget about it. Ad typically I do. I'm not one that brings stuff up over and over again. I'd rather ignore, like it never happened and move on. But the book tells me to face it - together.
A real love marriage isn't created to self-destruct. When conflict arises, I must chose to work through it, instead of my usual pattern of trying to sleep it off. And hopefully, one day, Cory and I can have one of the most intimate, trusting relationships you will find.
The book lists some examples of "we" and "me" boundaries. I will list them below and try to think of my own somewhere throughout the day, although these pretty much nail it for me.
"WE"
never mention divorce!
don't bring up past items - forgive and move on
don't 'fight' in public or in front of your kids...period! (discussions fine)
call 'time-out' if getting ugly
never touch each other harmfully
never go to bed angry
failure is not an option
"ME"
Listen before speaking James 1:9
Deal with my own issues up front - Matt 7:3
Speak gentle and keep voice down - Prov 15:1
Fighting fair, the book says, means changing your weapons. Disagree with dignity, like Jesus is in the room watching you - because He is!
Love is not a fight, but it is worth fighting for! (this is my new moto)
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
from a dear friend..
Remember, you are valuable to each other, and most important you are valuable to Christ, who gave himself for you. We are given times of trouble to discover what true love is and to understand that I love you means I LOVE YOU!
A wound that is infected must be opened and scrubbed clean before it can heal.
Oh my...how I love CORY!
A wound that is infected must be opened and scrubbed clean before it can heal.
Oh my...how I love CORY!
Prayers
Could use lots of prayers today....i hate to be selfish and ask for them...but we really need them.
Day 17: Love Promotes Intimacy
As I wake up this morning after a night filled with discussion and honesty, I sit down to read today's Dare. By the title, you might think that this Dare is about sex. It's not. It is about far more than that. And as God has been in with me by my side for the last few weeks, God again is right here, taking good care of me, when I feel so humble and unworthy. You see, without feeling the least bit conceited or 'finger'pointing', today's dare is not for me. Today's dare is for Cory. Today's dare is without doubt something that I need from him. And because I feel the Holy Spirit just engulfing me, I know that today, I need to just hand this book to Cory. Funny how God knew today would be the day that I needed this from him. Funny how everything has been planned to a "T" by God. He planned for me to tell Cory early on about this blog, so he can read today's. He planned the exact moment that things would happen in my life to force decisions to be made. He planned the exact moment to sit down and have open communication of honest with my spouse. Unbelievable how much He loves me and wants such great things for me.
So, today, I'm going to spend time in His word. And I am going to hand the book to Cory. But on a note to those reading this daily, today is a new day for me. Today I begin my true walk with Christ. Today, you will hopefully see a change. I'm putting on my armor now, because I know God wants to use me, which means Satan is coming! Satan is finally scared of me! And he better be! I'm letting God be on my side.
Sorry to keep the dare from you. I'll come back to it one day....maybe today will yield awesome results, and I can type about it tonight! That would be my prayer. Please let that be yours!
So, today, I'm going to spend time in His word. And I am going to hand the book to Cory. But on a note to those reading this daily, today is a new day for me. Today I begin my true walk with Christ. Today, you will hopefully see a change. I'm putting on my armor now, because I know God wants to use me, which means Satan is coming! Satan is finally scared of me! And he better be! I'm letting God be on my side.
Sorry to keep the dare from you. I'll come back to it one day....maybe today will yield awesome results, and I can type about it tonight! That would be my prayer. Please let that be yours!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Day 16: Love intercedes
DARE: Begin praying for your spouse's heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.
"You cannot change your spouse. As much as you may want to, you cannot play God and reach into their heard and mold them into what you want them to be. But that's what most couples spend a large part of their time trying to do- change their spouse."
Todays dare is on interceding for your spouse. We all have things that bug us about our spouses. Since mine is reading this now, it might a little weird jsut stating the things I want to change, but here is the thing. It isn't my place to change them. The books says something profound. We all know what the definition is of insanity right? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. But isn't that what happens every time we ladies nag, nag, nag at our spouses? Or complain that they don't something we want them to do? For example, I haven't watched an AUburn game with Cory all year for one reason. Last night I entitle him Mr. Negative Auburn Fan. (and btw WAR EAGLE) He knows it! He is one of the most negative true fans I have ever seen. And it bugs me! But reading today's lesson gives me new perspective. WHO CARES if he is negative?! That is the only thing I can really think of in his WHOLE life that he has negativity towards - that's it! And he LOVES some Auburn football! Hanging out with him is really a blessing, and I really should have been more excited that he wanted to watch the game with me! I know that is nothing compared to what some of you may be going through. But here is what the book suggests:
We have to turn it over to God. Most of us ladies long for our husbands to be more spiritual leaders in the household. But we have to turn it over to God. We are doing this dare to nurture our spouses heart by changing ourselves from the inside out. Then depend on God' for the results! Of course, we can do it alone. Why would we try? We need to focus one something more powerful that anything else we have...Prayer! Believe me, it works! Look at us?! Prayer can keep us from giving up. Pray can bring peace. Prayer can make a difference. I have had so many of you praying for us, Cory's family, my family, Cory's best friend, our friends....Prayer works! But you must remember, the God is sovereign. he might not do it our way and may not give us every little thing we wish for, but He does desire a close relationship with us, with me and with you!
There are some key points that must be in place for prayer to work. The Bible says "Confess your sins toone another and pray for one another...The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much." James 5:16 This may be the answer some of us are looking for!
Isn't funny how God gives us such close insight into our spouses faults? We no them better than anyone. Wonder why? Not so we can nag and scold them and try to make them a better person, but so we can intimately pray for them. We find we can fix each other better than we can fix ourselves. But me, a wife, can accomplish more through strategic prayer than from all her persuasive efforts. And it is a much more pleasant way to live, than stressing day by day about what Cory is doing wrong!
So today, I will pray specifically for Cory. After my dare challenge, on my hands and knees. The book suggests to: Pray for his heart. Pray for attitude. Pray for his responsibilities to God. pray for truth to replace lies. Pray for forgiveness that would replace bitterness. And pray for your heart's desires - for love and honor to become the norm. Pray for romance and intimacy.
Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you."
"You cannot change your spouse. As much as you may want to, you cannot play God and reach into their heard and mold them into what you want them to be. But that's what most couples spend a large part of their time trying to do- change their spouse."
Todays dare is on interceding for your spouse. We all have things that bug us about our spouses. Since mine is reading this now, it might a little weird jsut stating the things I want to change, but here is the thing. It isn't my place to change them. The books says something profound. We all know what the definition is of insanity right? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. But isn't that what happens every time we ladies nag, nag, nag at our spouses? Or complain that they don't something we want them to do? For example, I haven't watched an AUburn game with Cory all year for one reason. Last night I entitle him Mr. Negative Auburn Fan. (and btw WAR EAGLE) He knows it! He is one of the most negative true fans I have ever seen. And it bugs me! But reading today's lesson gives me new perspective. WHO CARES if he is negative?! That is the only thing I can really think of in his WHOLE life that he has negativity towards - that's it! And he LOVES some Auburn football! Hanging out with him is really a blessing, and I really should have been more excited that he wanted to watch the game with me! I know that is nothing compared to what some of you may be going through. But here is what the book suggests:
We have to turn it over to God. Most of us ladies long for our husbands to be more spiritual leaders in the household. But we have to turn it over to God. We are doing this dare to nurture our spouses heart by changing ourselves from the inside out. Then depend on God' for the results! Of course, we can do it alone. Why would we try? We need to focus one something more powerful that anything else we have...Prayer! Believe me, it works! Look at us?! Prayer can keep us from giving up. Pray can bring peace. Prayer can make a difference. I have had so many of you praying for us, Cory's family, my family, Cory's best friend, our friends....Prayer works! But you must remember, the God is sovereign. he might not do it our way and may not give us every little thing we wish for, but He does desire a close relationship with us, with me and with you!
There are some key points that must be in place for prayer to work. The Bible says "Confess your sins toone another and pray for one another...The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much." James 5:16 This may be the answer some of us are looking for!
Isn't funny how God gives us such close insight into our spouses faults? We no them better than anyone. Wonder why? Not so we can nag and scold them and try to make them a better person, but so we can intimately pray for them. We find we can fix each other better than we can fix ourselves. But me, a wife, can accomplish more through strategic prayer than from all her persuasive efforts. And it is a much more pleasant way to live, than stressing day by day about what Cory is doing wrong!
So today, I will pray specifically for Cory. After my dare challenge, on my hands and knees. The book suggests to: Pray for his heart. Pray for attitude. Pray for his responsibilities to God. pray for truth to replace lies. Pray for forgiveness that would replace bitterness. And pray for your heart's desires - for love and honor to become the norm. Pray for romance and intimacy.
Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you."
Monday, January 10, 2011
Day 15: Love is honorable
DARE: Chose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It my be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.
Today's verse: I Pet 3:7, Live with your wives in an understanding way....and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.
Today's lesson is about showing honor. This is something that I have neglected to show Cory for some time now. I'd like to blame it on my type "A" personality, but that's no excuse. I'm not the head of this household, and I shouldn't try to be...I can't be. God didn't design me to be, and as soon as I start dishonoring the position Cory has....things falls apart!
The word itself, HONOR, has such a powerful meaning. It means to respect and treat someone with great worth. The book lists the following things to show honor to your spouse, some of which I fail tremendously. Speak clean. Be courteous and polite. When they speak, LISTEN. When asks to do something, try to accommodate and do it out of respect if possible. Honoring your spouse means giving them full attention, not talking with one eye on the tv, or one eye on Naomi (for me). And finally, when making big decisions for your family, give each mate's voice and equal opinion and influence.
The book list another word that isn't often used with marriage. It is HOLY. Holiness comes from the basis of honor. To say that we should be be 'holy' to each other, doesn't mean we will be perfect. Holiness simply means we are set apart for a higher purpose. A person who is holy to you is a person who is sacred and holds a special place in your heart, that NO ONE can take. Hence the word 'holy matrimony'. So, it seems to me that I haven't been putting Cory in that sacred place. I forgotten how sacred he was to me. How God sent him to me, when I least deserved it, and gave me a honorable man, who has loved me through it all. And I know, no matter what mistakes I have ever made, I know without a shadow of a doubt, he regards me as holy. In that sacred place of his heart, because he has stuck by me. Because he loves me. Because I'm SACRED to HIM! Real love honors when rejected. Real love treats its beloved as special and when they get that ungrateful attitude in return...and my oh my, Cory has gotten that from me day by day!
Dear God, I'm so broken. I'm so sorry for not protecting that holy spot you placed in my heart for my loving husband. I'm so sorry i didn't respect you or him.
So this is the real love dare: "Of all the relationships I have, I will value mine and Cory's the most. Of all the things I am willing to sacrifice, I will sacrifice the most for him. With all his failures (which aren't many), sins, faults and mistakes - past and present - I still chose to honor you. I still chose to love you! I still choose to be your wife...and that we never change from this day forward!"
This love dare is not about the dare any more for me. It is about understanding how God wants my marriage to be!
Today's verse: I Pet 3:7, Live with your wives in an understanding way....and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.
Today's lesson is about showing honor. This is something that I have neglected to show Cory for some time now. I'd like to blame it on my type "A" personality, but that's no excuse. I'm not the head of this household, and I shouldn't try to be...I can't be. God didn't design me to be, and as soon as I start dishonoring the position Cory has....things falls apart!
The word itself, HONOR, has such a powerful meaning. It means to respect and treat someone with great worth. The book lists the following things to show honor to your spouse, some of which I fail tremendously. Speak clean. Be courteous and polite. When they speak, LISTEN. When asks to do something, try to accommodate and do it out of respect if possible. Honoring your spouse means giving them full attention, not talking with one eye on the tv, or one eye on Naomi (for me). And finally, when making big decisions for your family, give each mate's voice and equal opinion and influence.
The book list another word that isn't often used with marriage. It is HOLY. Holiness comes from the basis of honor. To say that we should be be 'holy' to each other, doesn't mean we will be perfect. Holiness simply means we are set apart for a higher purpose. A person who is holy to you is a person who is sacred and holds a special place in your heart, that NO ONE can take. Hence the word 'holy matrimony'. So, it seems to me that I haven't been putting Cory in that sacred place. I forgotten how sacred he was to me. How God sent him to me, when I least deserved it, and gave me a honorable man, who has loved me through it all. And I know, no matter what mistakes I have ever made, I know without a shadow of a doubt, he regards me as holy. In that sacred place of his heart, because he has stuck by me. Because he loves me. Because I'm SACRED to HIM! Real love honors when rejected. Real love treats its beloved as special and when they get that ungrateful attitude in return...and my oh my, Cory has gotten that from me day by day!
Dear God, I'm so broken. I'm so sorry for not protecting that holy spot you placed in my heart for my loving husband. I'm so sorry i didn't respect you or him.
So this is the real love dare: "Of all the relationships I have, I will value mine and Cory's the most. Of all the things I am willing to sacrifice, I will sacrifice the most for him. With all his failures (which aren't many), sins, faults and mistakes - past and present - I still chose to honor you. I still chose to love you! I still choose to be your wife...and that we never change from this day forward!"
This love dare is not about the dare any more for me. It is about understanding how God wants my marriage to be!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Day 14: Love takes delight
DARE: Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just be together!
To all my ladies out there reading this blog. Today is for us. I know some of your stories, and you know mine. It is time to lead our hearts back out and learn to delight in our spouse once again!!
The lesson today starts by saying the most important thing that I should learn from the Love Dare is to not follow my heart. I should lead it. Don't let my feelings and emotions do the driving. Tell them where you are going. I think for me, and even yesterday as I thought I was discouraged, I decide how my day is based on feelings. I think I finally figured out yesterday that I was depressed because I hadn't been able to do anything special for Cory that day. I had a big run that morning and was so worn out all day, and spent more of my selfish time on me and getting him to do stuff for me, than I him. And I think they got to me....I was feeling very loving. But today's lesson reminds me that my heart will go through this. I won't always feel constantly thrilled at the thought of spending every moment with my spouse, although right now..I do. There will be a moment where I don't, and he doesn't either. You can have that burning desire on feelings alone. I have to make the decision to delight in my spouse and to love him no matter how long we've been together, or more importantly if the newness wears off. Love that choses to love is just as powerful as the love the feels likes loving. Does that makes sense? I think choosing to love may actually be a stronger love, than the goo-goo love we all experience.
He is going to aggravate me! But my days are too short to waste being aggravated. If I am irritable, it is because I chose to be! OUCH! If I can't function without a clean house, it is because I have decided there is no other way. OUCH! And if I criticize him more than praise him, I led MYSELF into a life of criticism.
So, today's dare is merely a radical change of heart. For me, I will take a small step of show how delighted I am in him. For some of you, it may be a huge leap, but with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! The goal is to relearn what you love about this one to whom you have promised our love forever!
To all my ladies out there reading this blog. Today is for us. I know some of your stories, and you know mine. It is time to lead our hearts back out and learn to delight in our spouse once again!!
The lesson today starts by saying the most important thing that I should learn from the Love Dare is to not follow my heart. I should lead it. Don't let my feelings and emotions do the driving. Tell them where you are going. I think for me, and even yesterday as I thought I was discouraged, I decide how my day is based on feelings. I think I finally figured out yesterday that I was depressed because I hadn't been able to do anything special for Cory that day. I had a big run that morning and was so worn out all day, and spent more of my selfish time on me and getting him to do stuff for me, than I him. And I think they got to me....I was feeling very loving. But today's lesson reminds me that my heart will go through this. I won't always feel constantly thrilled at the thought of spending every moment with my spouse, although right now..I do. There will be a moment where I don't, and he doesn't either. You can have that burning desire on feelings alone. I have to make the decision to delight in my spouse and to love him no matter how long we've been together, or more importantly if the newness wears off. Love that choses to love is just as powerful as the love the feels likes loving. Does that makes sense? I think choosing to love may actually be a stronger love, than the goo-goo love we all experience.
He is going to aggravate me! But my days are too short to waste being aggravated. If I am irritable, it is because I chose to be! OUCH! If I can't function without a clean house, it is because I have decided there is no other way. OUCH! And if I criticize him more than praise him, I led MYSELF into a life of criticism.
So, today's dare is merely a radical change of heart. For me, I will take a small step of show how delighted I am in him. For some of you, it may be a huge leap, but with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! The goal is to relearn what you love about this one to whom you have promised our love forever!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Day 12: Love lets the other win
DARE: Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first!
Does it seem to you that these dares are just hitting harder and harder? Not so much the dare, but the content of the dare. Although I found this afternoon, that I look forward to these challenges. And the fact that I haven't done them early in the morning the last two days, has severely discouraged me. Not discouraged my love for Cory and our family, just discouraged me. (although it could also be from that 20 mile run my girlfriends drug me on!)I told Cory when we go in the truck to go get our pics made, that I felt discouraged today. The great thing was, he was immediately concerned, and that felt great! Cory has been doing so good. He was waiting for me outside with Naomi after my run today. He has asked me all day how I was feeling. He has taken ownership in helping my get rest because he knows I have a very difficult run tomorrow again. He has been very patient and understanding with me, and I LOVE IT! But back to being discouraged. I am making a vow that I won't let it go all day before I do my dare. That kind of defeats the purpose, and I think tried to let satan sneak in and ruin my Saturday to spend with my family. From now on, when my feet hit the floor....the blogging begins!
Philippians 2:4 Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Sounds like this goes back to being selfish again...and of course, it does!
The book ask for you to name three areas where you and your spouse disagree. It stated that most could likely do it without thinking, and some could even produce ten quickly, but for once...I don't fall into this category. I had forgotten how Cory and i agree on almost everything. I forgot how easy going he was. Of course, I don't want to ever control Cory's thoughts, and I am pretty sure I never will. We are both very stubborn, but I am very strong-willed. Having said that, stubbornness pretty comes standards for spouse these days. We all think we have some sort right to always be right and always have our way...but in a marriage, WE DON'T! It is detrimental to always disagree and often steals away precious time and productivity.
The only time the book says that stubbornness is warranted..yes, there is a time for me (hehe)...is in our priorities, morals and our obedience to God. The kind of stuff should be guarded and never challenged by our spouse. However, how to fold the towels, put dished in the cabinet, hang a picture, etc is not something we should regularly debate! There are tough times that are very tense in a marriage. Like when one goes to counseling and the other doesn't. Or one wants a extended family vacation and the others does. Though they don't pop up all the time, they never go away. There is only one way to get beyond them.
The opposite word of stubborn is "willing". It is an attitude and a spirit of cooperation. The best example of this type of love is Jesus. He had the right to refuse us. To live peace. But even with the torture on the cross, he cooperated and was willing to do His father's will, and not His own.
All it takes in our marriage is one to say, "I'm willing to go your way on this one." And its over! You make think it hurts your pride, but how foolish do we look when we fight?!We aren't going to see eye to eye on everything. We aren't designed way. It would be boring if we were. Let us be willing to bend and demonstrate love to our spouses. Give up our rights to chose the one we love! And I love CORY MICHAEL HANKS
Does it seem to you that these dares are just hitting harder and harder? Not so much the dare, but the content of the dare. Although I found this afternoon, that I look forward to these challenges. And the fact that I haven't done them early in the morning the last two days, has severely discouraged me. Not discouraged my love for Cory and our family, just discouraged me. (although it could also be from that 20 mile run my girlfriends drug me on!)I told Cory when we go in the truck to go get our pics made, that I felt discouraged today. The great thing was, he was immediately concerned, and that felt great! Cory has been doing so good. He was waiting for me outside with Naomi after my run today. He has asked me all day how I was feeling. He has taken ownership in helping my get rest because he knows I have a very difficult run tomorrow again. He has been very patient and understanding with me, and I LOVE IT! But back to being discouraged. I am making a vow that I won't let it go all day before I do my dare. That kind of defeats the purpose, and I think tried to let satan sneak in and ruin my Saturday to spend with my family. From now on, when my feet hit the floor....the blogging begins!
Philippians 2:4 Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Sounds like this goes back to being selfish again...and of course, it does!
The book ask for you to name three areas where you and your spouse disagree. It stated that most could likely do it without thinking, and some could even produce ten quickly, but for once...I don't fall into this category. I had forgotten how Cory and i agree on almost everything. I forgot how easy going he was. Of course, I don't want to ever control Cory's thoughts, and I am pretty sure I never will. We are both very stubborn, but I am very strong-willed. Having said that, stubbornness pretty comes standards for spouse these days. We all think we have some sort right to always be right and always have our way...but in a marriage, WE DON'T! It is detrimental to always disagree and often steals away precious time and productivity.
The only time the book says that stubbornness is warranted..yes, there is a time for me (hehe)...is in our priorities, morals and our obedience to God. The kind of stuff should be guarded and never challenged by our spouse. However, how to fold the towels, put dished in the cabinet, hang a picture, etc is not something we should regularly debate! There are tough times that are very tense in a marriage. Like when one goes to counseling and the other doesn't. Or one wants a extended family vacation and the others does. Though they don't pop up all the time, they never go away. There is only one way to get beyond them.
The opposite word of stubborn is "willing". It is an attitude and a spirit of cooperation. The best example of this type of love is Jesus. He had the right to refuse us. To live peace. But even with the torture on the cross, he cooperated and was willing to do His father's will, and not His own.
All it takes in our marriage is one to say, "I'm willing to go your way on this one." And its over! You make think it hurts your pride, but how foolish do we look when we fight?!We aren't going to see eye to eye on everything. We aren't designed way. It would be boring if we were. Let us be willing to bend and demonstrate love to our spouses. Give up our rights to chose the one we love! And I love CORY MICHAEL HANKS
Friday, January 7, 2011
Day 11: Love Cherishes
DARE:What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there hosuework you could help with? Chose a gesture that says I CHERISH YOU and do it with a smile.
Since I read this dare earlier today, I had an opportunity to complete this dare, and funny things is, without knowing it, Cory did too! Today, I went to Cory's office and complete a task that he has been asking me to do for a while. I went and helped him decorate. Granted, it still needs lots of love, but it looks much better now! And Cory, well, I forgot to pick up my medicine, and without hesitation he said he would go get it. I told him I didn't want him to, because I missed him!
I can't tell you about the lesson today without basically quoting it from the book. There is no way I could ever get the point across to those reading this, without using the same examples. So, please hang tight.
Two scenarios:
1. A man's old care breaks down. He is told it needs a complete over-haul. Instead of paying for the expensive repairs, he uses his money to get a new one!
2. A man breaks his hand and has to have surgery. He decided to use what money he has to get the doctor to fix it.
I know these sound silly, but think about it. Which is your marriage? Do you want to just forget it and start over? Or do want to hang on to the one you got and fix it right? I'm ashamed to say for years, I wanted to just forget it. It was the easy way out. We didn't have to deal with each other's insecurities that way. We could divorce and move on. Find something better. But as the saying goes, the grass is not greener on the other side. And now I find myself in the second scenario. Hence, the love dare. Which experiencing the first one, I didn't have the bond that God designs us to have with our spouse. It is supposed to be more like the second. You wouldn't cut off your hand to get a new one. You would fix it because it is a part of you. So should your marriage be. Your spouse is who you want. Who you chose. Who God chose. Why cut it off?
Marriage is a beautiful mystery that God created for two to live as one. Not two live as two, like we have done just being roommates over the years, but as ONE. Our relationship should be that when he hurts, I hurt. When he is happy, I am happy...because we are ONE. But somewhere along the way, we feel disappointment, resentment, and realize that our spouse isn't as perfect as we thought.
As imperfect as they may be, here is what the Bible says. "Husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife, loves himself; and no one hates his own flesh." I laugh at this because if you know Cory, you know he has a bit of conceited side. I giggle at the fact that he can love me as much as he loves that body...you know the one! The one where he looks at himself every time he passes a mirror, or the ones he spends 5 minutes in front of flexing his muscles, and watches his boobies, I mean pecks, shake! But the fact is, this is a command for husbands. Not to harp on him now that he might be reading it. God gets us wives later! But Cory loves me as much as he loves his own body! He has stuck by me for three years! What an amazing feet! :)When he shows love to me, and I show love to him, we are actually showing love to ourselves!
But of course, there is the other side. If we mistreat them, we are hurting ourselves. Our lives are interwoven so. That is a marriage. I can't be one with my husband and treat him bad, because in return I am treating myself bad.
So, now when I look at Cory, I'm going to realize that he is a part of me. I love him. God loves him. I should treat him well. Talk highly of him. Nourish and cherish him for the rest of my time that God gives me!
Since I read this dare earlier today, I had an opportunity to complete this dare, and funny things is, without knowing it, Cory did too! Today, I went to Cory's office and complete a task that he has been asking me to do for a while. I went and helped him decorate. Granted, it still needs lots of love, but it looks much better now! And Cory, well, I forgot to pick up my medicine, and without hesitation he said he would go get it. I told him I didn't want him to, because I missed him!
I can't tell you about the lesson today without basically quoting it from the book. There is no way I could ever get the point across to those reading this, without using the same examples. So, please hang tight.
Two scenarios:
1. A man's old care breaks down. He is told it needs a complete over-haul. Instead of paying for the expensive repairs, he uses his money to get a new one!
2. A man breaks his hand and has to have surgery. He decided to use what money he has to get the doctor to fix it.
I know these sound silly, but think about it. Which is your marriage? Do you want to just forget it and start over? Or do want to hang on to the one you got and fix it right? I'm ashamed to say for years, I wanted to just forget it. It was the easy way out. We didn't have to deal with each other's insecurities that way. We could divorce and move on. Find something better. But as the saying goes, the grass is not greener on the other side. And now I find myself in the second scenario. Hence, the love dare. Which experiencing the first one, I didn't have the bond that God designs us to have with our spouse. It is supposed to be more like the second. You wouldn't cut off your hand to get a new one. You would fix it because it is a part of you. So should your marriage be. Your spouse is who you want. Who you chose. Who God chose. Why cut it off?
Marriage is a beautiful mystery that God created for two to live as one. Not two live as two, like we have done just being roommates over the years, but as ONE. Our relationship should be that when he hurts, I hurt. When he is happy, I am happy...because we are ONE. But somewhere along the way, we feel disappointment, resentment, and realize that our spouse isn't as perfect as we thought.
As imperfect as they may be, here is what the Bible says. "Husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife, loves himself; and no one hates his own flesh." I laugh at this because if you know Cory, you know he has a bit of conceited side. I giggle at the fact that he can love me as much as he loves that body...you know the one! The one where he looks at himself every time he passes a mirror, or the ones he spends 5 minutes in front of flexing his muscles, and watches his boobies, I mean pecks, shake! But the fact is, this is a command for husbands. Not to harp on him now that he might be reading it. God gets us wives later! But Cory loves me as much as he loves his own body! He has stuck by me for three years! What an amazing feet! :)When he shows love to me, and I show love to him, we are actually showing love to ourselves!
But of course, there is the other side. If we mistreat them, we are hurting ourselves. Our lives are interwoven so. That is a marriage. I can't be one with my husband and treat him bad, because in return I am treating myself bad.
So, now when I look at Cory, I'm going to realize that he is a part of me. I love him. God loves him. I should treat him well. Talk highly of him. Nourish and cherish him for the rest of my time that God gives me!
Today....
So I know a lot of you are wondering about today. All I can really say is that relationships were mended and families are being drawn closer together. The one thing that I truly regret, and I can't say enough, is the wasted time. The time I wasted not loving Cory and the bitterness that kept me from loving his family. I'm telling you...bitterness is an awful thing! You have to get past it. Bitterness from Cory and me, and stubbornness, is what got us into the mess we have be scratching to get out of. And both those, stem from, yep, you guessed it...SELFISHNESS! Can I say that enough? Selfishness can ruin a marriage.
So, I guess you read that Cory knows. Cory has seen such a change in my heart that has has begun to ask a lot of questions these last few days. I don't feel right not telling them truth, so he has now read this blog. It doesn't mean I will quit. This book has 40 days worth of things every marriage needs to know, and I plan on learning it! Whether it hurts to bring up, it is God's way of healing me, and healing us!
So, I guess you read that Cory knows. Cory has seen such a change in my heart that has has begun to ask a lot of questions these last few days. I don't feel right not telling them truth, so he has now read this blog. It doesn't mean I will quit. This book has 40 days worth of things every marriage needs to know, and I plan on learning it! Whether it hurts to bring up, it is God's way of healing me, and healing us!
waiting....
I know a lot of you are waiting on my DARE today...it is coming! I have had a break-through today! THings are wonderful and God is blessing us daily!!
I am out working on sponsors today, but will update soon!
Oh and BTW, due to today's activities, Cory was asking questions about why I had changed soo...he wasn't satisfied, so I broke. He knows about the dare, and he knows about the blog. We shared tears at his office. I talked to sister and his Mom, and things are great!!
LOVE YALL!
I am out working on sponsors today, but will update soon!
Oh and BTW, due to today's activities, Cory was asking questions about why I had changed soo...he wasn't satisfied, so I broke. He knows about the dare, and he knows about the blog. We shared tears at his office. I talked to sister and his Mom, and things are great!!
LOVE YALL!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Day 10: Love is Unconditional
DARE:Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse - something that process (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite desert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.
God demonstrates His own love to us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Rom 5:8 (one of my old Bible memorization verses I learned as a kid) Reality - God died for me seeing all the horrible sin I would commit against Him, my daddy, my father, my GOD! how heart-breaking, yet happy, to know someone loves me that much!
The book asks WHY DO YOU LOVE YOUR SPOUSE? If someone ask you that, what would you say. Well, I have already stated some things about him that i love. He is a Christian. He is hot. He takes care of his family. He has stuck with me through thick and thin. he is hot. He is super duper smart! He is hot! and the list goes on and on...But the book ask what would happen if he stopped all these things. If his Christian walk was failing. If he got fat! If he stopped educating himself and got dumb. If he gave up on us.....Would I still love him? I would have to say over the last three years, my answer would be no. I wouldn't. I didn't. But now I'm trying to gain this unconditional love for him and for GOD, that will never falter! The only way love can last a lifetime and we can grown old together is if it is unconditional. Love is not determined by the one being loved, but rather by the one choosing to love. This kind of love is agape love; the kind of love God has for us!
Agape love differs from other types of love: Phileo (friendship), and Eros (Sexual). Both of these must take place in a marriage, but the foundation of these types loves has to be based on an agape love. Phileo and Eros are based on feelings. Agape is selfless and unconditional. Agape is in sickness and health, for richer for poorer, for BETTER for WORSE. Thank you Lord for sending a man, a husband for me, who has stuck by me through all of these things!
Although we can never fully obtain God agape love for us for our spouse...we can strive for it. You see, man can fall in and out of love, if it is not unconditional love. Cory has had unconditional love for me, and I am chosing to have it for him. Thick or thin...I will love him. Not just about friendship and sex, even though they are good, but about unconditional love. If agape love is the foundation, the enjoyment of all the 'loves' come into play. The trick is knowing that we can not obtain agape love on our own. It has to come from God. Not within, not from my own works, but from God!
The Bible says, "neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. This is God's love...and by our choice, it can be my kind of love too! AMEN!
Once this love is gained, the book says to not be surprised when your spouse begins living confidentially under its shade, or becomes more lovable to you..because then it is no longer "i love you because...", it is " I love you, period."
My prayer today is regain unconditional love for Cory and allow him to feel it. To make him comfortable in our marriage again. To let him know I am his, he is mine, and I will be here no matter what!
God demonstrates His own love to us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Rom 5:8 (one of my old Bible memorization verses I learned as a kid) Reality - God died for me seeing all the horrible sin I would commit against Him, my daddy, my father, my GOD! how heart-breaking, yet happy, to know someone loves me that much!
The book asks WHY DO YOU LOVE YOUR SPOUSE? If someone ask you that, what would you say. Well, I have already stated some things about him that i love. He is a Christian. He is hot. He takes care of his family. He has stuck with me through thick and thin. he is hot. He is super duper smart! He is hot! and the list goes on and on...But the book ask what would happen if he stopped all these things. If his Christian walk was failing. If he got fat! If he stopped educating himself and got dumb. If he gave up on us.....Would I still love him? I would have to say over the last three years, my answer would be no. I wouldn't. I didn't. But now I'm trying to gain this unconditional love for him and for GOD, that will never falter! The only way love can last a lifetime and we can grown old together is if it is unconditional. Love is not determined by the one being loved, but rather by the one choosing to love. This kind of love is agape love; the kind of love God has for us!
Agape love differs from other types of love: Phileo (friendship), and Eros (Sexual). Both of these must take place in a marriage, but the foundation of these types loves has to be based on an agape love. Phileo and Eros are based on feelings. Agape is selfless and unconditional. Agape is in sickness and health, for richer for poorer, for BETTER for WORSE. Thank you Lord for sending a man, a husband for me, who has stuck by me through all of these things!
Although we can never fully obtain God agape love for us for our spouse...we can strive for it. You see, man can fall in and out of love, if it is not unconditional love. Cory has had unconditional love for me, and I am chosing to have it for him. Thick or thin...I will love him. Not just about friendship and sex, even though they are good, but about unconditional love. If agape love is the foundation, the enjoyment of all the 'loves' come into play. The trick is knowing that we can not obtain agape love on our own. It has to come from God. Not within, not from my own works, but from God!
The Bible says, "neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. This is God's love...and by our choice, it can be my kind of love too! AMEN!
Once this love is gained, the book says to not be surprised when your spouse begins living confidentially under its shade, or becomes more lovable to you..because then it is no longer "i love you because...", it is " I love you, period."
My prayer today is regain unconditional love for Cory and allow him to feel it. To make him comfortable in our marriage again. To let him know I am his, he is mine, and I will be here no matter what!
Day 9 synopsis...
hug, kiss, and well...can't write the other! Had a great day!
Although, this morning, Satan arrived! I had something from my past come to haunt me this morning, but here is the key! For the first time in MY LIFE....instead of me trying to fix it, I literally unbound my hands, threw them up, and said "OK GOD1 You know my heart, I don't want to fix my life anymore. I don't want to rationalize things and say if I do this, then this...I'm just going to let you take the whell and drive me straight through this. I know there will always be consequences for sin, and for the first time, I am prepared for that. But my relationship with YOU will not stumble. Please just handle this the way you see fit, and until you tell me otherwise, I'm not responding at all!"
And you know what...whatever the consequence....it feels great! My first trial, my first test is over...and I love God for being on my side! My God is stronger!
Although, this morning, Satan arrived! I had something from my past come to haunt me this morning, but here is the key! For the first time in MY LIFE....instead of me trying to fix it, I literally unbound my hands, threw them up, and said "OK GOD1 You know my heart, I don't want to fix my life anymore. I don't want to rationalize things and say if I do this, then this...I'm just going to let you take the whell and drive me straight through this. I know there will always be consequences for sin, and for the first time, I am prepared for that. But my relationship with YOU will not stumble. Please just handle this the way you see fit, and until you tell me otherwise, I'm not responding at all!"
And you know what...whatever the consequence....it feels great! My first trial, my first test is over...and I love God for being on my side! My God is stronger!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Day 9: Love makes good Impressions
DARE: Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.
Well, good morning! I can just feel the Holy Spirit in my life. I'm happier. I look forward to waking up in the morning. I look forward to spending time with Him. It is really awesome feeling. I still have the scare. That fear that my world is about to crash..but as one of my friends said, WAKE UP AND PUT ON THE ARMOUR OF GOD! So, I am....everyday, I will put on my Armour!
Today's verse is "greet one another with a kiss of love - 1 Peter 5:14"
So, far I have been learning about showing love through patience, kindness, and encouragement. Even though they aren't always easy for me...it is amazing how easy they have been, with God changing my heart. Today's lesson is about something that may seem inconsequential, but this small thing can carry a surprising significance!
The book says that you can tell a lot about the state of a couple's relationship by how they greet one another. I have always found it funny to watch couples at a restaurant, and just watch their interaction. You can tell a lot about their history by how they relate to one another and speak to one another. This can be done without even a drop of physical contact. The Bible has a lot to say about this sort of thing.
Paul named each of his 27 friends in a greeting. Jesus stated on the sermon on the mount that even the pagans speak kindly to people they like, but what about the enemies? Being godly and being humble and gracious to address even your enemies is what Jesus commands. I think today's lesson goes back to something I said early on. I can be friendly and respectful to a total stranger, or walk on pins and needles at work just to make someone happy, but I don't have the same impact with my husband. When he and Naomi come home, I greet Naomi. Ask her about her day. If I would communicate more with him and acknowledge that i am happy to see him, how much would it increase his self-worth? It is kind of like that story of the prodigal son. No matter what he had done, how far away he was, his father saw him and ran and embraced him.
So for this dare, I plan to greet Cory at least with a hug EVERY TIME we have been away and I see him. I am happy to see him, so I need to show him that. I want him to be valued, to be missed, to be loved. I remember an old Sunday school teacher when I was in auburn told me that his wife made it a point to have herself and the kids greet her husband when he comes home, before the dog. To give as much excitement for him as the family pet. After all....isn't the dog a man's best friend?! Sounds like she has it right!
Well, good morning! I can just feel the Holy Spirit in my life. I'm happier. I look forward to waking up in the morning. I look forward to spending time with Him. It is really awesome feeling. I still have the scare. That fear that my world is about to crash..but as one of my friends said, WAKE UP AND PUT ON THE ARMOUR OF GOD! So, I am....everyday, I will put on my Armour!
Today's verse is "greet one another with a kiss of love - 1 Peter 5:14"
So, far I have been learning about showing love through patience, kindness, and encouragement. Even though they aren't always easy for me...it is amazing how easy they have been, with God changing my heart. Today's lesson is about something that may seem inconsequential, but this small thing can carry a surprising significance!
The book says that you can tell a lot about the state of a couple's relationship by how they greet one another. I have always found it funny to watch couples at a restaurant, and just watch their interaction. You can tell a lot about their history by how they relate to one another and speak to one another. This can be done without even a drop of physical contact. The Bible has a lot to say about this sort of thing.
Paul named each of his 27 friends in a greeting. Jesus stated on the sermon on the mount that even the pagans speak kindly to people they like, but what about the enemies? Being godly and being humble and gracious to address even your enemies is what Jesus commands. I think today's lesson goes back to something I said early on. I can be friendly and respectful to a total stranger, or walk on pins and needles at work just to make someone happy, but I don't have the same impact with my husband. When he and Naomi come home, I greet Naomi. Ask her about her day. If I would communicate more with him and acknowledge that i am happy to see him, how much would it increase his self-worth? It is kind of like that story of the prodigal son. No matter what he had done, how far away he was, his father saw him and ran and embraced him.
So for this dare, I plan to greet Cory at least with a hug EVERY TIME we have been away and I see him. I am happy to see him, so I need to show him that. I want him to be valued, to be missed, to be loved. I remember an old Sunday school teacher when I was in auburn told me that his wife made it a point to have herself and the kids greet her husband when he comes home, before the dog. To give as much excitement for him as the family pet. After all....isn't the dog a man's best friend?! Sounds like she has it right!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
So what you think...
So here is an email I sent to Cory to satisyf today's dare. I even took him lunch today to his office and helped him figure out how to decorate it! I enjoyed it! and I think he did too!
From: Hanks, Katrina [mailto:katrina.hanks@adfs.alabama.gov]
Sent: Tuesday, January 04, 2011 9:47 AM
To: Hanks, Cory M.
Subject:
I hope you are having a great day! I know I have given you a hard time about making work a priority over me, but know that I am very proud of you and your accomplishments!
LU
From: Hanks, Cory M. [mailto:CMHanks@southernco.com]
Sent: Tuesday, January 04, 2011 9:54 AM
To: Hanks, Katrina
Subject: RE:
Well thank you and also know that I am extremely proud of your work achievements as well as what you have done with S2S and finishing 2 marathons and soon to be a 3rd (I admire that because I don’t think I could or would want to do it!)
LU2
From: Hanks, Katrina [mailto:katrina.hanks@adfs.alabama.gov]
Sent: Tuesday, January 04, 2011 9:51 AM
To: Hanks, Cory M.
Subject: RE:
I think I am missing parts of my brain at times to do all this silly stuff! I like looking at dead people, and running 26.2 miles! Yeh…definitely sick in the head! And, I wasted three years not loving the love of my life!
So, did I pass? :)
From: Hanks, Katrina [mailto:katrina.hanks@adfs.alabama.gov]
Sent: Tuesday, January 04, 2011 9:47 AM
To: Hanks, Cory M.
Subject:
I hope you are having a great day! I know I have given you a hard time about making work a priority over me, but know that I am very proud of you and your accomplishments!
LU
From: Hanks, Cory M. [mailto:CMHanks@southernco.com]
Sent: Tuesday, January 04, 2011 9:54 AM
To: Hanks, Katrina
Subject: RE:
Well thank you and also know that I am extremely proud of your work achievements as well as what you have done with S2S and finishing 2 marathons and soon to be a 3rd (I admire that because I don’t think I could or would want to do it!)
LU2
From: Hanks, Katrina [mailto:katrina.hanks@adfs.alabama.gov]
Sent: Tuesday, January 04, 2011 9:51 AM
To: Hanks, Cory M.
Subject: RE:
I think I am missing parts of my brain at times to do all this silly stuff! I like looking at dead people, and running 26.2 miles! Yeh…definitely sick in the head! And, I wasted three years not loving the love of my life!
So, did I pass? :)
Picture
So if you really know me, and know my family...we take pictures all the time!! For the last three years, Cory, Naomi and I have had only one family picture...therefore, I scheduled us an apt for Sat! Can't wait!
Day 8: Love is not Jealous...
Dare: Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
Did you know we serve a funny God? Sometimes I wonder if he sits and laughs at me sometimes. One of my favorite memories of my daddy was him laughing at me. Before he died, I remember begging him to let me mow the grass on the riding lawn mower. I remember doing just fine, and then all of sudden I got stuck in a corner. After countless efforts of trying to maneuver it out of the corner, I looked up and saw daddy standing there with cap in hand, scratching his head and just laughing at me. Of course, I didn't find it all that funny at first, but then when I saw how funny it was to him, I started laughing too! Sometimes, I think of God that way. He sits up there in Heaven watching me maneuver my life like I know what to do with it, and watches me making a mess of it...knowing I would come back to him. I'm sure it breaks his heart too, but I bet the funniest moments to God are like something that happened yesterday....
Yesterday, I text Cory to see if I could crash his lunch plans and go eat with them. He said sure but they were going out to the causeway. That was too far for me for just an hour so I told him I would pass. He said they were taking the new co-op girl out to eat lunch. Jokingly, yet serious, I said "is she hot? I just got you to fall in love with me again...hehehe" He replied, "she is fairly attractive, but doesn't hold a candle to you!" Now that made my day!! However, when I sat down last night to just review what today's lesson had in store for me, I just busted out laughing. LOVE IS NOT JEALOUS. Really God?! I was just kidding...I'm not really that jealous, or am I?!
Of course, that isn't what today's lesson is exactly about, but thought it funny that I had jealous streak in me yesterday, and then God wants to tell me stop the next day! The lesson however describes two different kinds of jealously. Every daily lesson brings on a whole new outlook for me, and this one didn't fail me. God has not failed me!
1. legitimate jealously: this is when someone you love, who belongs to you, turns his or her heart away and replaces you with someone else. (tearing) The jealous person here longs to have back what is rightfully there's. You can relate this to God. I have always heard God was jealous God but didn't always get it. Well, now I do. It isn't that God is envious of us, wishing He had what we have. He already owns everything. It's that He deeply, sincerely longs for us, desiring for us to keep Him as his first love! I want God to be my first love. I posted on face book today for God to have hold of my life, because when I take over...It is a MESS!
2. Illegitimate jealously - this is the bad kind. This is opposite of love, the one that is rooted in selfishness and envy. I don't struggle with being jealous of what others have, or to be more popular, or any of that. Some do. Some of you reading this may struggle with wanting to be like others. I have struggles much more prominent than this. But I do have a problem with a form of this jealously. And it is very common. This jealously is throughout the Bible: Cain, Sarah, Joseph's brothers, the chief priests against Jesus. And it still exists today, even in me.
When Cory and I were married, I'm sure he would say what the books says. I was his biggest fan. His biggest cheerleader. I always wanted the enjoyment of him. But then as we were married, selfishness sank in. I might be cleaning the house, doing the laundry, paying the bills, taking care of Naomi, working 50 hours a week, and he gets to go to his friends house and watch football! I like football too you know! Whether he was right or wrong, selfishness sank in. I have to give up my 'self' for this marriage. I should be happy he has good friends to watch Auburn football with, and not those that would sit around and just get drunk watching the game. I should be thankful he wants to watch football and not go hang out at some bar until 4 in the morning. I should be thankful that football is his passion. We aren't competing for who does what at the house. I'm guilty of this. I'm jealous that a pile of laundry can sit there for two days and it not bother him. I'm jealous that he can relax when I have to get ready for the next day...but you know what?! Who cares anymore? He is the love of my life!!! Anything that makes him feel better is what I want for him...and you know what? With that attitude, you would be shocked how much he has helped him this week! SHOCKED!
So, since I can't shred my list from yesterday(because I didn't want to list his negative things), I'm revamping some of my dare today. Today, I will focus on making an effort to publicly praise him. Brag on him. Tell him how proud I am of him. Throw a celebration of his life, instead of wallowing in his weaknesses!
Have a great day!
Did you know we serve a funny God? Sometimes I wonder if he sits and laughs at me sometimes. One of my favorite memories of my daddy was him laughing at me. Before he died, I remember begging him to let me mow the grass on the riding lawn mower. I remember doing just fine, and then all of sudden I got stuck in a corner. After countless efforts of trying to maneuver it out of the corner, I looked up and saw daddy standing there with cap in hand, scratching his head and just laughing at me. Of course, I didn't find it all that funny at first, but then when I saw how funny it was to him, I started laughing too! Sometimes, I think of God that way. He sits up there in Heaven watching me maneuver my life like I know what to do with it, and watches me making a mess of it...knowing I would come back to him. I'm sure it breaks his heart too, but I bet the funniest moments to God are like something that happened yesterday....
Yesterday, I text Cory to see if I could crash his lunch plans and go eat with them. He said sure but they were going out to the causeway. That was too far for me for just an hour so I told him I would pass. He said they were taking the new co-op girl out to eat lunch. Jokingly, yet serious, I said "is she hot? I just got you to fall in love with me again...hehehe" He replied, "she is fairly attractive, but doesn't hold a candle to you!" Now that made my day!! However, when I sat down last night to just review what today's lesson had in store for me, I just busted out laughing. LOVE IS NOT JEALOUS. Really God?! I was just kidding...I'm not really that jealous, or am I?!
Of course, that isn't what today's lesson is exactly about, but thought it funny that I had jealous streak in me yesterday, and then God wants to tell me stop the next day! The lesson however describes two different kinds of jealously. Every daily lesson brings on a whole new outlook for me, and this one didn't fail me. God has not failed me!
1. legitimate jealously: this is when someone you love, who belongs to you, turns his or her heart away and replaces you with someone else. (tearing) The jealous person here longs to have back what is rightfully there's. You can relate this to God. I have always heard God was jealous God but didn't always get it. Well, now I do. It isn't that God is envious of us, wishing He had what we have. He already owns everything. It's that He deeply, sincerely longs for us, desiring for us to keep Him as his first love! I want God to be my first love. I posted on face book today for God to have hold of my life, because when I take over...It is a MESS!
2. Illegitimate jealously - this is the bad kind. This is opposite of love, the one that is rooted in selfishness and envy. I don't struggle with being jealous of what others have, or to be more popular, or any of that. Some do. Some of you reading this may struggle with wanting to be like others. I have struggles much more prominent than this. But I do have a problem with a form of this jealously. And it is very common. This jealously is throughout the Bible: Cain, Sarah, Joseph's brothers, the chief priests against Jesus. And it still exists today, even in me.
When Cory and I were married, I'm sure he would say what the books says. I was his biggest fan. His biggest cheerleader. I always wanted the enjoyment of him. But then as we were married, selfishness sank in. I might be cleaning the house, doing the laundry, paying the bills, taking care of Naomi, working 50 hours a week, and he gets to go to his friends house and watch football! I like football too you know! Whether he was right or wrong, selfishness sank in. I have to give up my 'self' for this marriage. I should be happy he has good friends to watch Auburn football with, and not those that would sit around and just get drunk watching the game. I should be thankful he wants to watch football and not go hang out at some bar until 4 in the morning. I should be thankful that football is his passion. We aren't competing for who does what at the house. I'm guilty of this. I'm jealous that a pile of laundry can sit there for two days and it not bother him. I'm jealous that he can relax when I have to get ready for the next day...but you know what?! Who cares anymore? He is the love of my life!!! Anything that makes him feel better is what I want for him...and you know what? With that attitude, you would be shocked how much he has helped him this week! SHOCKED!
So, since I can't shred my list from yesterday(because I didn't want to list his negative things), I'm revamping some of my dare today. Today, I will focus on making an effort to publicly praise him. Brag on him. Tell him how proud I am of him. Throw a celebration of his life, instead of wallowing in his weaknesses!
Have a great day!
Day 7 Synopsis...
OK...so I typed a whole thing from my heart....and evidenetally God or satan one didn't want me to send it. I deleted it..hehe The just of it was realizing that this dare isn't about cory. It is about me. It is about changing me. And it feels good!
I have to admit that I went to think about writing down the list of negative attributes for Cory last, but I didn't want to. I already feel a change in my heart and I don't want to focus on those things. Right now, we are so in love, I might be blinded by them! heheh I can focus on the positive: He is a Christian. I don't have to ask him to go to church. He is giving to those in need. He is a good daddy. He takes his career seriously. He provides for the family. He has begun to help me so much more. He cares about the way he looks. He has a friendly personality and would never meet a stranger. He can fit in with numerous different crowds. He is just awesome!!
OK...heading to run with my girls Hope to discuss and up and coming cruise we may all go on with our husbands! I will do the DAY 8 when I get to work....Before 8AM of course. Wouldn't spend your tax dollars to pay my salary to do non-related work stuff...hehehe
I have to admit that I went to think about writing down the list of negative attributes for Cory last, but I didn't want to. I already feel a change in my heart and I don't want to focus on those things. Right now, we are so in love, I might be blinded by them! heheh I can focus on the positive: He is a Christian. I don't have to ask him to go to church. He is giving to those in need. He is a good daddy. He takes his career seriously. He provides for the family. He has begun to help me so much more. He cares about the way he looks. He has a friendly personality and would never meet a stranger. He can fit in with numerous different crowds. He is just awesome!!
OK...heading to run with my girls Hope to discuss and up and coming cruise we may all go on with our husbands! I will do the DAY 8 when I get to work....Before 8AM of course. Wouldn't spend your tax dollars to pay my salary to do non-related work stuff...hehehe
Monday, January 3, 2011
responses from Cory..
We are all adults right? After a week of the love dare, intimate relations three times, hugs and kisses, I love you flying everywhere, and a plea from me for his forgiveness for these years?! And the response from Cory, "It was my fault. I will do what I said I couldn't do, and that's to make you happy!"
More emotion this week, than we have had in three years! I'm serious!
Tears of joy...THANK-YOU GOD for being my healer! For changing my heart! Thank-you for my husband!
More emotion this week, than we have had in three years! I'm serious!
Tears of joy...THANK-YOU GOD for being my healer! For changing my heart! Thank-you for my husband!
Day 7: Love believes the BEST...
DARE: For today's dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minute writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with the negative things on the second sheet=. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, picka positive attribute from teh frist list and thank your spouse for having this characterisitic!
Before I again, two things MUST be said.
1. DEAR GOD, I AM SO SORRY FOR Failing to find Cory's positive attirbutes in our marriage. This DARE has nailed it for me, and I think it began that negativity in our marraige! It is my fault. I sinned. Please forgive me. And thank-you for opening my eyes to such a horrible sin!
2. To all my friends out there reading this, struggling with your marraige and not working on it. This is a good place to begin! No exceptions. Start here....
The book states there are two rooms in our hearts.
The appreciation room: where we go to encounter positive and encouraging things about our spouse. The walls are covered with kind words and phrases. These phrases feel the wall on your heart typically at the beginning of your relationship. For Cory and I, I remember I loved him because of few things. He went church without being made and was a christain. He was from a great family. He was Hot! He was considerate. He wanted to be with me. He was HOT! He spent money on me. He was HOT! He managed his life very well. He was HOT! He had a great career! hE WAS HOT! Just to name a few......I spent a lot of time dwelling on these things...which led to my desire to want ot be married to him. But then, after marriage, there came the....
Depreciation room: where the walls are covered with things that irrate me. They were placed there out of frustration, hurt feelings, and disappointment of unmet expectations. I stayed in thhis wrong too long during my pregnancy. I got hurt and Satan used my unstable hormones to fill this room with all of Cory's negative habits. I started thinking..."he is a jerk. he is so selfish. I'm carrying his baby and just need a little love and attention. How could I have married the wrong person again!" I dwelled on these things and in this room....which ultimately led to sin! I would tell myself and convinced others that all these things in this room were true. He was hurtful. He showed me attention. He could name ever football player on Auburn's team and where they went to high school, but couldn't remember by doctor's apt?! Serously! That hurt! BUT, as those things are true in that room, so are the things true in the appreciation room....
Everyone fails! I fail! Everyone needs growth. I need growth! But I have tendency to downplay my own negative attributes, whle putting his failure's under a mganifying glass. Like his are what led to our issues. It isn't right! It hurt my wonderful relationship with the most wonderful man in this world!! REAL LOVE choses not to live in this room.. I now chose not to live in this room! I (and my friends out there) MUST stop running to this room and lingering there for any amount of time and especially after any frustrating event in my relationship! It is time to be different. Be the change!
The book says the only reason you should EVER glance in the door of depreciation is to know how to pray for your spouse! WHAT?! I pray for my friends. I pray for total strangers from message on face book, but i NEVER pray for Cory and the things that might line his wall in the depreciation room. The book says that if I must go in there to find what to prayer for, I need to write in big letters...COVERED IN LOVE!!!!
So, today, I am going to focus on one telling Cory how thankful I am for him. He has stuck by me. He loves me. I will change my focus from the negative thougts and focus more on the positives attributes on Cory. There are so many! Whether he deserves it or not!
LOVEY YALL!
Before I again, two things MUST be said.
1. DEAR GOD, I AM SO SORRY FOR Failing to find Cory's positive attirbutes in our marriage. This DARE has nailed it for me, and I think it began that negativity in our marraige! It is my fault. I sinned. Please forgive me. And thank-you for opening my eyes to such a horrible sin!
2. To all my friends out there reading this, struggling with your marraige and not working on it. This is a good place to begin! No exceptions. Start here....
The book states there are two rooms in our hearts.
The appreciation room: where we go to encounter positive and encouraging things about our spouse. The walls are covered with kind words and phrases. These phrases feel the wall on your heart typically at the beginning of your relationship. For Cory and I, I remember I loved him because of few things. He went church without being made and was a christain. He was from a great family. He was Hot! He was considerate. He wanted to be with me. He was HOT! He spent money on me. He was HOT! He managed his life very well. He was HOT! He had a great career! hE WAS HOT! Just to name a few......I spent a lot of time dwelling on these things...which led to my desire to want ot be married to him. But then, after marriage, there came the....
Depreciation room: where the walls are covered with things that irrate me. They were placed there out of frustration, hurt feelings, and disappointment of unmet expectations. I stayed in thhis wrong too long during my pregnancy. I got hurt and Satan used my unstable hormones to fill this room with all of Cory's negative habits. I started thinking..."he is a jerk. he is so selfish. I'm carrying his baby and just need a little love and attention. How could I have married the wrong person again!" I dwelled on these things and in this room....which ultimately led to sin! I would tell myself and convinced others that all these things in this room were true. He was hurtful. He showed me attention. He could name ever football player on Auburn's team and where they went to high school, but couldn't remember by doctor's apt?! Serously! That hurt! BUT, as those things are true in that room, so are the things true in the appreciation room....
Everyone fails! I fail! Everyone needs growth. I need growth! But I have tendency to downplay my own negative attributes, whle putting his failure's under a mganifying glass. Like his are what led to our issues. It isn't right! It hurt my wonderful relationship with the most wonderful man in this world!! REAL LOVE choses not to live in this room.. I now chose not to live in this room! I (and my friends out there) MUST stop running to this room and lingering there for any amount of time and especially after any frustrating event in my relationship! It is time to be different. Be the change!
The book says the only reason you should EVER glance in the door of depreciation is to know how to pray for your spouse! WHAT?! I pray for my friends. I pray for total strangers from message on face book, but i NEVER pray for Cory and the things that might line his wall in the depreciation room. The book says that if I must go in there to find what to prayer for, I need to write in big letters...COVERED IN LOVE!!!!
So, today, I am going to focus on one telling Cory how thankful I am for him. He has stuck by me. He loves me. I will change my focus from the negative thougts and focus more on the positives attributes on Cory. There are so many! Whether he deserves it or not!
LOVEY YALL!
Day 6 synopsis...
I have to confess that I didn't really complete the Dare for Day 6. Yesterday was such a good day for us, that there were no tough circumstances to respond to. We went to church and we worshipped together, and that made for a great day. My friends even said we looked like two love birds! I love it! There will probably days where I need to go back and read this one. Because I know Satan will come. I sat in the shower last night and jsut cried out to God and told him how much I wanted to be ready for his attacks. I'm scared of when they do come. Things seem to be so perfect right now.
I do have to say that confirmed this dare over and over again. The message this morning was very powerful. He stated that the opposite of love was selfishness ....hummm heard that before?! I looked over at friend who had been reading my blog and we just grinned! Thank-you God for the daily reminder that you are with me! I hope that these fears of satan's attacks will go away soon!! I don't want to lose my marriage!
Something to remember from yesterday days message. It's not about making God your top priority in life and family second. That is wrong. It is about making GOD YOUR LIFE! He is your life..not a priority!
I do have to say that confirmed this dare over and over again. The message this morning was very powerful. He stated that the opposite of love was selfishness ....hummm heard that before?! I looked over at friend who had been reading my blog and we just grinned! Thank-you God for the daily reminder that you are with me! I hope that these fears of satan's attacks will go away soon!! I don't want to lose my marriage!
Something to remember from yesterday days message. It's not about making God your top priority in life and family second. That is wrong. It is about making GOD YOUR LIFE! He is your life..not a priority!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Day 6: Love is not Irritable....
Dare: Choose today to react to tough circumstancs in your marragie in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to realease from your life.
Really? Love is not irratable? Seems to be my middle name. Ive been know to get irritated about eevrything. If you don't do this way, or plan this way, or do this or do that...I'm irritated. Mostly with Cory only and not other people in my past. I jsut seem to be the hardest on him.
Proverbs 16:32 states "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, andhe whol rules his spirit, than he who captures a city."
God has a way of jsut saying like it is, huh. He who is slow to anger is mighty. Why do I get upset about the smallest stupidest things. For example, I'm a creature of habit. I don't mind change at all, especially if I see some good in it, but I do like to keep some things the same. I get this from my mom. For example, we have to our house insurance because they drop our wind policy. Not big deal, I get that. But now we are looking into changing my car insurance. I don't like it. Although this time, when cory talked to me about he was very patient and said we had to make a decision. All I said was, i prefer to stay with mine because he has been there for me for so much. He sai, OK...that's fine. It is only a little more per month. So, that was that...no getting defensive, no argueing, nothing. It worked! We are both smart grown adults. Making decisions shouldn't be based on self motives!
Ok...that was tangent... Here is what the book says. Real love is hard to offend and quick to forgive. There have been times in the last few years where Cory never had a chance. And even recently...I was just waiting for a moment to prove to him that we would never make it. I looked for opportunities to frustrate him and overreact to silly stuff, just to make it hard for me. I blamed him for so much...when it truth, look how easy it has been for me to get a reaction from him. Five days, and we are falling in love again. Yes, I'm scared...I'm scared my insecurities will sneak back in again...but this time, I'm focussed more on God, on Him helping us. It is amazing how this journey is affecting so many lives...not just ours!
This irritable thing does get me. I'm under pressure a lot with work, and not to mention how busy I keep my schedule. But I chose to make my schedule this way. There is no reason for me to cranky or be overly sensitive because I have so much to do! If I am under the influence of God and experience love, I will be a joy for him to be around. (and btw, he gave up going to a friends house tonight late, to just shoot the breeze....) So why do I get irritable? The book gives two key reasons:
1. STRESS: it weights you down, drains your energy by overworking, overplaying, and overspending. And it can be caused by deficiencies: Not getting enough exercise, nutrition, or rest. Again..LIFE IS A MARATHON, NOT A SPRINT. We can't go full steam ahead and grasp for air. Instead, the Bible has a different take. Colosians says to let Love guide your relationships. Phillipians says to pray through your anxieties. Exodus says to delegate when over-worked. And proverbs says to avoid overindulgence. The big one hear for me that I have been working on is praying through my stress. I read a book that said why pray for God to help, and then continue to try and fix it on your own. Pray, knowing and trusting God will handle it, or you are hsowing lack of faith in the Heavenly Father.
2. SELFISHNESS: Man, do yo notice this book focusses a lot of being selfish. the true opposite of love. When you arr irritable, the primary problem is a problem of the heart. This is so true. How quick we are to get bothered by what someone else is doing, when the true issue lies with satisfaction of the heart. Some people are like lemons: when life squeezes, the pour our sour responses. Some are mroe like peaches: When just a tiny bit or a lot of pressure is on, the result is always sweet. May I be more like a peach in marraige, my walk with Christ, and my other relationships.
In being selfish, the book lists that there are hidden area of indicators where love is supposed to be. Selfishness can wear many masks:
a) lust - being ungrateful for what you have and choosing to covert or burng with passion for something forbidden. My new moto, if you have to hide something, then it is WRONG! (thanks friend - you know who you are)
b) bitterness - unresolved anger leaking out; I have had a lot of that these last few years; this can drain you- cause you to sleep more, depression, etc.
c) greed - for more money, possessions will frustrate you - I'm not so greedy.
d) pride - acting harshly to rpotect your reputation - this blog has really helped me to not be prideful. Even though there are parts I am emlinated to protect myself and others, this blog has allowed me to open up and let people know my weaknesses, and as a result, others have the same problem. Again, God knows who you need in your life!
Strategy today: BE HAPPY with who I have! Cory is a wonderful man who has stood by when I didn't deserve it. He still loves me, and I him. So, be happy, be content, encourage him, etc. And our marraige will get the response God intends!
Love yall...it is 2:30 and couldn't wait to do this! Better get some sleep! It is Sunday,and I am ready to WORSHIP!
Day 5 synopsis....
This dare was a litte hard to pull off without Cory knowing what was going on, but I sort of did. I figure I have the rest of our lives to figure out what I can trim out that aggravates him. I did have a chance to ask him if there was anything I did to annoy him, and he said probably not. He also said he probably has a lot more things to annoy me. The old Katrina would have said, YEP...like this and this and this...but I didn't. I just smiled and shook my head. Thank you Lord fr guiding my heart!
Today was a good day for us. He hasn't taken much for us to start re-connecting again. I know I still have my own demons to to fight, and probably he as well, but the step is worht taking. We even talked about more kids today. The sad thing that happened and opened both of our eyes, was I went over and sat close to him. Naomi immediately said, Momma why you sit with daddy? Tell me kids don't know this stuff. Thank goodness we are on the road to mending. Or else, Naomi would never know what love really meant at an early age!
I do have one friend that I need to thank today. God puts people in your life for a reason, and thank goodness he has blessed me with this one! She has been tasked by God to pray for me and Cory every day for over a year. Can you believe she has beenon her hands and knees praying for us every since then? Thank-you for you obedience to God's commands! Now I mus pass this on and pray for three more friends, who are following this journey and trying to mend their relationship with their spouse.
Prayer is real. God is real, and He only wants the best for us!
Today was a good day for us. He hasn't taken much for us to start re-connecting again. I know I still have my own demons to to fight, and probably he as well, but the step is worht taking. We even talked about more kids today. The sad thing that happened and opened both of our eyes, was I went over and sat close to him. Naomi immediately said, Momma why you sit with daddy? Tell me kids don't know this stuff. Thank goodness we are on the road to mending. Or else, Naomi would never know what love really meant at an early age!
I do have one friend that I need to thank today. God puts people in your life for a reason, and thank goodness he has blessed me with this one! She has been tasked by God to pray for me and Cory every day for over a year. Can you believe she has beenon her hands and knees praying for us every since then? Thank-you for you obedience to God's commands! Now I mus pass this on and pray for three more friends, who are following this journey and trying to mend their relationship with their spouse.
Prayer is real. God is real, and He only wants the best for us!
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