day skipped - Day 13 - Love fights Fair

Well, yesterday I was actually counting up how many days and when I started this dare, and found that I actually skipped a day. Day 13. I won't apologize for this or say I can't believe I done this. I didn't do this. God did this. God has flipped me around in this book and gave me what I needed for the day I needed it. Even when things feel low, I have to remember He is there with His arms wide open. it is me who always pulls away...and I don't want to do that ever again!

So, today, there is a reason I will be going back to Day 13: Love fights fair. it is funny because today I'm feeling a little numb. A little spacy, so today's dare, God conviently put in my lap because he knows Cory and I Hardly ever fight. We don't. We don't have that violent loud relationship like some have, and that works for them. Cory and I only get loud and really fight when things have been boiling for a long time. Good or bad...we both work that way. We don't like confrontation. So, for all you reading this today, I hope it will be something that helps you, and something that helps me, without me knwoing it!

DARE: Talk with yout spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to fight by. Resolve and abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

Mark 3:25 -If a house is divided against itself, that house will NOT be able to stand.

AS I read the verse above, I realize that this DARE is for me today!!! It isn't just fighting that divides a house. It can be silent disagreements. Silent anger. Silent bitterness. All of this can divide house, and the Lord says, it WILL. Who wants to live in a house divided? (and I'm not talking about college football) Of course, there are more verses in the Bible that teach against divorce, so that isn't what this day intends. This day intends for you to stop being divided and start being one. Some days are easy, some days are very hard. Cory and I can a test to that. But God commands His holy Matrimony to be ONE.

Conflict is inevitable. When I married, even though Cory got all my hopes and dreams, he got all my hurts, fears, imperfections, non-stableness, and just baggage! He got it all! All that ugly stuff we tend to hide when we are dating. All the ugliness, that sometimes You don't even realize you have. Cory got it! But this began the marriage, unpleasantly discovering how selfish each of us could be. Pretty soon that pedestal that Cory had me on began to tilt, and I slipped off. And finally revealed to him my private problems and my secret habits...Welcome to sin. Welcome to fallen humanity!

Then life began....work, pregnancy issues, getting used to each other's families, financial issues and many other things began to chip at us. But we aren't alone....i think every couple goes through this at point. Every couple reacts differently, based on their insecurities, and unfortunately, every couple doesn't survive it! Oh God, how I want to survive - for us and for Naomi!

So, I'm pretty sure with all the examples above, this dare won't end conflict. In some ways, conflict is good. But how you deal with conflict is what matters! And did I say, How you deal with conflict TOGETHER? I have always had a bad habit or just telling him to forget about it. Ad typically I do. I'm not one that brings stuff up over and over again. I'd rather ignore, like it never happened and move on. But the book tells me to face it - together.

A real love marriage isn't created to self-destruct. When conflict arises, I must chose to work through it, instead of my usual pattern of trying to sleep it off. And hopefully, one day, Cory and I can have one of the most intimate, trusting relationships you will find.

The book lists some examples of "we" and "me" boundaries. I will list them below and try to think of my own somewhere throughout the day, although these pretty much nail it for me.

"WE"
never mention divorce!
don't bring up past items - forgive and move on
don't 'fight' in public or in front of your kids...period! (discussions fine)
call 'time-out' if getting ugly
never touch each other harmfully
never go to bed angry
failure is not an option

"ME"
Listen before speaking James 1:9
Deal with my own issues up front - Matt 7:3
Speak gentle and keep voice down - Prov 15:1

Fighting fair, the book says, means changing your weapons. Disagree with dignity, like Jesus is in the room watching you - because He is!

Love is not a fight, but it is worth fighting for! (this is my new moto)