an email I sent to my running sisters today....

So, I thought I would share with you ladies my 'ahahaha God moment' today.

This isn't meant to cast stones or judgment, but it put things in a better perspective for me this morning.

As most of you know, I was out of town last week for an audit. I was so proud of myself. I got up everyday at 5AM and spent a good 30-45 minutes with God, in prayer, devotion and worship. It felt great!!! Then, of course, I get home and set my clock for 5:15 to do the same thing...pumped! Well, Monday and Tuesday rolled by, and I didn't sleep well, so when the alarm went off at 5:15AM, I just reset if for 6:00AM and told myself, 'that will still give me time to just read through my devotion quickly'. SO, I did. By Wed, I was so out of the habit, I just set my clock for 6AM anyway. THEN TODAY HAPPENED, my alarm went off at 4:15AM, I rolled over and thought to myself, "UGH I don't want to get up and go running. I'll just text Laura and sleep in. No. I can't do that. I would let my friends down"....then ding ding ding.....GOD, "but you have been doing that to me all week!" OUCH....that hurt. I love you ladies, but I wasn't put on this earth to worship you, or running. I wasn't put here to put priorities of sleep, running, work, family, or anything else OVER MY CREATOR, OVER MY GOD! So, here is where I am. I am making this commitment to myself, to my God, and to you. My day will start with God. No rushing through it. No sleeping in. If I sleep in and eliminate my time with Him from here on out...I will not run that week. I can't make running my priority over my Savior!

Katrina

Satan!!

One thing I have found as I feel my Christian faith growing is that Satan's attacks grow too. He must feel like I am damaging his work because it seems every time God leads me a certain way, he comes to destroy me. And at times, he is successful. My prayer yesterday was for Cory and our finances so guess what happened. We got into a big fuss about something to do with money!! So much so, I don't even know if we are speaking right now. Satan has used so many things to against Gods work and I feel at times that I'm fighting with hil on this earth alone. So even though I have a set prayer to pray for Cory, and we need this prayer too, I need to pray for God to bind Satan from interfering with Gods plan, and with my marriage. I want Cory and I to fight Satan together with God. And right now, I fight with Gods help and it seems alone.

My prayer designed for Cory today is more for me. We as with any marraige really need God to take over our sexual desires and help me to be a great fulfillment for him. Unfortunately when you get married studies show it takes about two years to lose that phileo (sp?) love so that's why the agape love from God must take over. We need both of those right now. Cory seems a little unhappy lately and I'm sure that's why so I pray that this can be restored. That we can find the balance God intends for us to have. I pray that we can have open communication and remain sensitive to what each other needa and desires. I pray we can remain pure and close out any unrighteous lustful or illicit thought that comes from below. I pray that God can help deliver us from past mistakes and that He can take away anyone or anything that could tempt us. I pray that we only desire each other.

And for me, where I know I'm slacking, I pray that I realize I an important part if my ministry as a wife is to my husband sexually. Help me to committ this area to my Lord and allow Him to make it continually new and alive. Help me to never use it as a weapon or a means of manipulation.

TOUGH SPOT in my life!!

Finances

Today I am instructed to pray for our finances and Cory's role in that. May we both be good stewards of all that He has given us. For we have been very, very blessed. I pray that where we have made bad decisions, one God will reveal that to us, and two he will restore us and brings us wisdom and guidance. I pray that we both find it easy to give to God and to those in need, for it is all God's anyway. As the main caretaker of our finances, I pray that Cory will be able to find the perfect balance between 'my' (hehe) spending needlessly. I mostly pray that he will never be anxious about finances, but will seek His kingdom first, knowing that as He does, we have all we need. (Luke 12:31)

Praying for Cory and his work

One thing that Cory and I disagree on is his job. I don't want to get into a battle of who is is right and who is wrong because it is always so much easier to point out the grain of sand in one's eye without seeing the plank in your own, as the Bible says. So what I am praying for Cory about today is mainly his satisfaction with where God has him. It is pretty evident to me, that God still has a plan for him and for us where we are. God has shut doors for Cory that Cory was practically already standing in the doorway. Things that we felt were a shoo-in, God felt differently. We pray for His guidance for His will to be done, but sometimes trusting His decision comes as a metnal road block. I know Cory has the desire to be more successful. I know it is engrained in just about every man. But it is very hard for me to understand this. Even thouogh I am career oriented as well and have goals of my own, I still struggle with understanding the outward-appearing priorities of Cory. So, here is what I want, or where God is leading me to pray for Cory today.

Dearest most gracious God, I first want to pray that you open my eyes to the pressure that Cory feels as a man, as a husband, and as a father when it comes to his career. I pray that you help me understand it all better so that I Can be a better wife and support for him. I don't want to be this nagging wife who finds all his weaknesses, but rather his support, his guidance, and his friend and be able to offer advice with a pure heart and from you. Help him to then open his ears to listen and know I am those things for him, and help him to see my heart. That I want to help him get closer to God, and help him understand trust, satisfaction, and renewed mercies daily with You.

And God I pray that you bless the work of his hands. That his work not only bring about success and prosperity but great FULFILLMENT as well. Lord, reveal to him where you want him and what your goals for him are. Reveal to him where you can use him DAILY. Guide him down the right path. And oppositely, help him see that he doesn't have to work himself to death, or grasp at for successful gain AT ALL. For if you want him to gain, it will be miraculously from You and be a gift from You to him.

GIVE HIM THE ABILITY TO ENJOY HIS CURRENT SUCCESS WITHOUT STRIVING FOR MORE. Help him to excel, but FREE HIM FROM THE PRESSURE within himself and those close around him to do so.

Dear Heavenly father..YOU are the God of everything Please be the God of our lives, and be that DAILY. We love you! Amen

My prayer for me and Cory

Lord, please make me the kind of woman that Cory can be proud of. Make me his companion, champion, friend, and support with a peaceful, restful, safe place for him to come home too each day. Teach me Lord to take care of myself and stay attractive for him and be rich in mind, body and spirit. Help me to accept him the way he is and release him from the BURDEN of fulfilling me in areas where I should be looking at YOU dear God. Give my husband a new wife, and please let it be me!

Katrina

Giddy Love....

So I find lately that God doesn't ever want to give up me. He usually gives me about three chances to listen. I've been reading Psalms and hearing what David had to say about his love for God. He says in Psalm 63 "O God you are my God. Earnestly I seek You. My soul thirsts for You. In a dry and weary land where there is no water."

I want this love for God. I want this live for me husband.


Dear Lord,
I want to fall in love with Cory like when we were dating. I know love changes at different times in your life, but I want that 'giddy-love' back. I know humanly it is hard to go back to that, but if I allow you to take control, it can happen. SO I give you permission! :) Amen PS...I ditto these request (X100) for you GOD!!

Isn't He good?

Isn't He good?! Isn't He good?! Hasn't he done what He said He would?!

I tell you..just when you think you don't know why God tells you to do things, He reminds you that HE IS IN CONTROL!

About 6 months ago, I decided that I wanted to go on a mission trip. Unknown to me, I really didn't want to go, but God wanted me to go. Why? Well that has yet to be determined! But I have had three experiences that prove to me that He is behind this and His plan is for me to be committed to be there.

I started having much anxiety about leaving Naomi for ten days. Would she forget me? Would she be mad at me? Could I stand how much I would miss her and worry about her? Would it just be too much for her and she break down? I started looking for reasons not to go. Then the series of events happened....

1. Cory bid on two jobs. If he got them, this meant that we would be moving about the time that I would be leaving. I told God, I'm sorry but I can't go. I can't as a mother do that to Naomi. And then guess what happened, he didn't get the jobs. I'm not saying this is why he didn't get the jobs, but I am saying that this eliminated me from saying NO to GOD.
2. Then, I got an email saying that the price tickets would be close to $300 more. I told Cory that this was my out. I didn't want to put any more money into this and maybe this was God's way of letting me out lightly. So he said pray about. And I did. I said God I need a billboard. (me and my friend Laura often joke about God giving us billboards to make it easier) "God, I don't know what to do. I have sooo much anxiety about this trip. People telling me leaving my kids for ten days would be too tough for them to do. And then other family discouraging me. Dear Lord, I need to know and I need to know clearly. I can't make this decision. I don't want to disobey you. I want to do what you want me to do. But this is so hard.. Can you help me, please Oh God?! 30 minutes later - email ding. It is Dr. Quiet, my team leader telling me that were able to get the tickets and for less than originally planned!! The only kicker would be now we would be gone for 11 days and not 10. SERIOUSLY GOD! Do I have to fight this battle with you?! So I called my friend Laura and asked her what she thought. She laughed at me and literally said, "Katrina, quit fighting with God. You have to go." (this is a true friend) I still argued but finally decided God wanted me to go. Eleven days would be tough...but I'm in. No more anxiety. I'm going.
3. Then came God's divine intervention for trusting Him. See I was already sweating that I had to be out of town for two weeks in May for Audits. And then it happened. The tornadoes. The storms. Literally. And Cory got called out for storm duty. Granted, I hate to be the one blessed in these times of sorrow and death, but God used this. Cory had to be gone for storm duty, eliminating me being gone for Naomi an extra week for audits, and guess how many days he was gone...exactly 11 days! Now, tell me that God wasn't giving me the peace of mind, that a) I got some quality time with my little girl and b) He showed me that Naomi would make it 11 days without me! She will miss me. She will ask about me. But she will be fine!

This is where God wants me. To fully rely on Him, with no strings attached! I trust you God! And I love you!

Tough..

Some days...marriage is just tough. I wonder how God ever expected us to understand the other?! I know we are suppose to be the fulfillment of God himself....his beauty, his toughness, his thoughtfulness, his fairness, and on and on....but how oh how can two people so different be meant to be together. Don't get me wrong. I love Cory, and i love our marriage, and I wouldn't change it. But men and women are sooo different. Help me God to realize that I am important to him, because I am, and not be so needy to hear him tell me that or have him make me feel like I am. Help me to not be so selfish! There's that word again....

:)

Happy Easter to the loves of my life!

life purpose

SO, as day by day goes along, do you ever wonder what your purpose is? I mean, I know God has used me in many ways. He gracefully has chosen me to be a wife to Cory, a mom to Cory, a daughter to my mom, and a sister to two ladies, but He has also used me to help start a running group for ladies, lead a Bible devotion at work, and be an ear and help to a few ladies who have battled the same things I have battled. But what else is there? I see the things that my good friends Matt and Tara are doing with the Ransom Cafe and with the trip to Africa, and wonder, can God use me in a miraculous way? Or is His plan for me to be a light in the mundane. Can use me on something large scale or does He want me to satisfied with blessing one person that I run into daily. My prayer is that I make myself available for HIM. I want every turn I make to be another opportunity to serve Him. I don't want me job, my friends or even my family to be above Him. I want to be where He wants me. Where he can use...and pray that my friends, family and job can be a part of that!

I desperately beginning to pray for the mission trip in June. Eleven days away from my family, friends and job will be trying, but I am praying that this trip is for His glory and that when I return, I will be uplifting and know more of how He wants to use me. We have everything we need of this world...but I want more. I want more of God. More of Him, less of the world. Please show me God how I can get there. How I can be like those of the Bible and have such a close relationship with you. I want that...where can You use me?

So the only way I can get past some things, is too verbalize them. I realize there a lot of you that might be reading this, but not know my whole life story. I don't even know my whole story at times. My struggle is with everything that has happened, how do you communicate well, without sounding selfish? I feel like I need to change my prayers again. Change my thought process again. Because the things the I want, the things I desire, aren't easy to express. I don't know if the wounds have healed. I don't know if I have a right to be selfish. I don't know if I have a right to desires. So, here is my prayer...

"Dear God.... I have no idea what to pray for. I have no idea what I even want to ask of you, but God you do. You know where I am weak. Lord, please somehow, someway, fill this void for me. Whatever it is my heart longs for, please fill it. I want to be all I can be for YOU, for my husband, for my daughter, for my family, for my friends, for my employees, for those I met on the path of life. But Lord - it feels empty at times. I feel lost. Can you take over? Can you change my heart so I am satisfied in your LOVE and in YOUR SPIRIT and in YOUR BLESSINGS? Please oh God...I love you."

Power of a praying wife

A great friend bought this book for me. I have been reading it about once a week, and trying to the prayers for my husband. I've been reading Crazy Love too, so I Have been going back and forth. Although, right now, I think I need to start praying more for Cory. If you noticed, that's where I stopped the Love Dare on day 38 because having prayer time is tough for me. I like to sleep sometimes more than pray. That is awful isn't it!?! SO, now I am recommitting myself to prayer. for my husband...For my family...and to spend some quality time with God! Posts to come.....

Easter

I've begun to realize that year after year, from birth until now, just about every Sunday has been spent in church. Easter has always been one of my favorite time of year. Not Christmas, not my birthday...but Easter. I remember growing up when Mom would roll my hair in sponge rollers the night before and we would wake up and go to sunrise service with the rollers still in my hair. I remember thinking that the church had the best breakfast ever after our service! Then we would go home, nap and get ready in our NEW EASTER Dresses that we have spent hours trying to find the perfect one. We ALWAYS got a new dress and shoes for Easter. No matter how broke we were. Easter meant a lot to my family. AS it still does to me....but this Easter it is especially SPECIAL to me. Although I have been a child of God for years, I truly feel like this is the first year that I feel His grace, His mercy, His love, His power and a true relationship with Him. And the best part is I get to share it with the two most important people in my life, Cory and Naomi.

You ARE MORE

You Are More lyrics
There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

Lord my God, my Savior...fill this void!

Jesus I need to give myself up. I am not strong enough to love you and walk with YOU on my own. I can't do it. And I need You. I need you deeply and desperately. I believe You are worth it, that You are better than anything else I have in this life and will ever have in this life. I want You. And when I don't....when I close the door in your face, I still want to want YOU. Be all in me. take all of me. Everything. Have Your way with me! Please..Amen!

Our first vacation since our honeymoon...

LOVE

Isn't amazing how God has such a perfect plan?! My life has taken a complete turn-around from the moment I accepted God's influence in my life until now. My marriage has turned around and have fallen in love with two very important people...GOD and CORY! I'm ready for this journey. I think.....

Day 37: Love agrees in prayer

DARE: (summarized) Talk to your spouse about finding a time to pray together. Commit your concerns, disagreements and needs before the Lord and thank Him for His provision and blessing.

If you were told that there is one thing that could almost with 100% surety change your marriage if you implement it, what would it be? The book says praying together. That's a pretty bold statement. Although, believable...The unity that exists between a man and a woman who pray together is intense and powerful. When the two are joined, God gives you a prayer partner for life. Sad to say, we haven't taken advantage of it. I mean, we both pray, but the only time we pray together is at meals, and after our devotion with Naomi. I did step out on a limb and prayer with him over the phone the other night, and he prayer out loud about a crisis in our life, so I guess that's a step. it seems the closer we get to God the more we desire to talk to Him, to be with Him...just weird for me to do it together.

But here is the key, when you need wisdom for a decision, you can seek God. When you are struggling with fears and insecurities, your partner can intercede. When you are fussing (like last night for us), go to emergency prayer, which Cory did (per Naomi), but we didn't do it together. It should become an automatic response. Kind of hard to stay angry when your on your knees in reverence to God. And when the two of us come together and call on His name in harmony, God hears us.

Prayer can used as a privilege..daily. This will probably feel a little awkward and uncomfortable, the book says, and I agree, but anything as powerful as prayer will surprise us. God wants to engage with us. He invites us. He longs for the connection.

This will be a little awkward for me...but I will try, because I know it succeeds. It has worked for just me, and just him, I'm sure it can work greater for the both of us! Matthew 18:19 "If two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by my Father."

Bible study at church...

So..I don't even know where to start! My pastor and his wife started a Bible study at church last night, and I am overwhelmed about the things I have learned. I'm going to get the book some time today, because I can't stop thinking about it. Ive said all along that when you give up and let God, He sends things your way just to give you that little boost to know He is there. I can't remember who it was in the Bible, maybe Gideon, who kept asking God...God I know you are behind this but can you give me a sign? And God did...ok God thanks for that sign, but I need another. And God did...God wants us to trust Him. And these little things he keeps sending my way scare me, yet fulfill me.

So, what I learned from Dana.... the one thing that Cory and I struggled with is me being so high maintenance. I hate being high maintenance! I'm not like that with any other relationship with my family or friends, at work, NO WHERE, but with my husband I am. And I have always hated that about me. One of mine and Cory's struggles was that I cried out wanting to feel special again. Poor Cory just couldn't win really. I already had enough sin in my heart that wouldn't let him, but I hated myself for needing so much attention from him. But last night I learned some pretty deep stuff.

God created man and woman in his image. God created everything and said 'it is good'. Except one thing, man. When He created man, He said 'this is not good'. God created man out of his image, but he couldn't create him all in his image. He created man to BE A MAN! But man can't exemplify those passionate, caring, beautiful qualities that God has as well....so He created woman. So here we have two beings, made fully in one image. Hence when we become one, we fulfill the beauty, yet 'strongness' of God. That to me is an eye opener to the things I have been struggling with in my marriage. I know..a little personal, but think about it. By being married and sharing that personal intimate moment with your spouse, you are making God happy. You are showing God his most wonderful and prized creation. So as my goal is to please God, I am pleasing my husband. Because the two of use together - are God's image! And I always just thought we were here to help man... :)

Thank you Bro Paul and Dana! I'm so excited about this study!

Daddy's gift...it hangs in the office at my house!

Day 36: Love IS God's Word

DARE: Commit to reading the Bible every day. Find a devotional book or other resource that will give you some guidance. If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to daily Bible reading with you. Begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock!

As this dare is coming to an end with three more days, how amazing it has been for me! Not only has it restore my relationship with my true earthly love, Cory, it has restore my love with my true love - GOD. AS my relationship deepens, as my love grows, as my heart our longs for his embrace, I'm in awe of Him. He is my true daddy!

So today's dare, I can check off the list as DONE! AS this book has 'grown' me, I have grown into longing for my quiet time with God. And as my faith increases, I can see Cory' increase as well. I asked him a couple of weeks ago how I could pray for him, and he said pray that he would have the longing to spend more time Christ. And as he walked in the door this morning from the gym, the prayer is being answered. He was listening to a pastor that our good friend Shane has turned him on to! (Shane is Laura's husband - laura has been praying for Cory and I since the day I opened up to her - over a year- so thankful for my godly friends) Cory and I are growing closer to God at a faster pace than to each other, but I think that is a good thing. Not to make you think we aren't growing closer too, because we are...but I am amazed at how is speaking to both of us..at times separate, and at times together! How awesome is HE!

Your word is a lamp to my feet in a light to my path! Ps 119:105

My dad left me many things, but this is one thing that I will never forget. From Bible School, a cut out, laminated with this verse...and now it has more meaning that ever. As I grow closer to God, I seek His word....and his word is becoming the lamp under my feet that daddy talked about! (I'll take a pic later and show you)

For some, and me at times, the Bible seems to BIG to understand. It seems like an aimpossible challenge. But as a Christian, we aren't alone. The Holy Spirit who now lives in us, illuminates this truth. "For the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God" I Cor 2:10 God gives us these scriptures to search, to study...to live by. However, we must commit to do it.

We must commit to be in God's word. He can speak to us many places, but every single word in this Bible is not from Man, but from GOD. We must seek Him, and my what blessings He gives when we do! "With all my heart I have sought YOU...Your word I have treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against YOU!"

We must stay under it! The Bible is no doubt tough to understand, but only because of lack of committment. There is no way we can understand everything God has in the Book. But our desire and longing to know it more can give us glimpse after glimpse of God's unchanging love. That's why it is so important to study God's word with other believers.

We must live it! The Bible is a living Book! Most books you just read and digest, but the Bible is intended to read, understand and LIVE. "Prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers." James 1:22

We all remember the story about the man who built his house on the sand and not the rock. When the storms came, his house fell and was destroyed, but the man who built upon the rock, endured for it had been founded on the rock. So is our homes. So is our Christian walks. When we our founded upon the rock of God's Unchanging word, it is insured against destruction!

So, let's submit to God's principles, and just watch how God can change, how God can speak, and no matter what storms come our way...the plan of God is firm and will withstand the tests of time!

Day 35: Love is accountable

DARE: Find a marriage mentor-someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment. During this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.

As you can see, if you are still following me, I'm not blogging daily anymore. I don't know, maybe it is because I'm slacking, but it isn't because I'm not doing it. Lately Ive been spending more time in God;s word, because I feel that is where He has wanted me. I've come to the realization that all those times I cried out to Him for help, all those times I keep asking His advice, I didn't want it. I wanted it to appear that way. Because now, the closer I get to God, the more I hear Him. It isn't the more He speaks to me, its that I'm quiet. that I'm expecting to hear from Him....and I love being in that direct communication with Him.

The book uses the illustration of the sequoia tree. (reminds me of our poor trees at Toomer's Corner that just got poinsoned-argh) Sequoia trees our hundreds of feet tall that can sustain intense envirnoments. It is giant, but the trick is that it goes deep below the surface. They reach around with their roots and interlock around them reinfrocing their strength with others. Much is like the way a marriage should be. We need interlocking marriages who can network together and be strong for each other. This network can give us wise counsel. They can help you and advise you BEFORE you make a bad decision. And as I have found through my little tight group of such wonderful friends, they help cheer me on. When they read my dares, or know my plans, they hold me accountable. They are excited as I am when they know we have cross a bridge...and I love them for that! They cry when they know what Cory and I have over-come. They are amazing! I can't even express in words to you or even to God, how thankful I am for them!


The Bible says to encourage one another day after day...so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Heb 3:13 Crazy how this verse now has meaning to me. I know from experience, that sin hardens your heart. It controls you. But God put people in my life so that I would quit isolate myself, and quit pushing those I love away. I now now, I have to guard my heart against any wrong influences. I can have people in my life who push me toward. Hence why I have that wonderful group of friends I've never had before. One thing for sure.....never take marriage advice from someone who doesn't have a good marriage. How foolish is that?

I don't know about this mentor thing. I had a vision of a mentor in my life. I wanted someone who is older, yet loving, someone who can handle my craziness with patience...but I don't know. I am leaving that up to God, and see how He wants to handle this. I have some pretty good mentors now, who talk me through a lot. I don't think I could find ladies who hold me accountable. Thank-you girls!

As you can see, this love dare isn't going day by day for me like it should. It isn't that I am not spending time with God, or spending time working on my marriage...it just seems that God has a way of timing everything. The last 20 love dares are very deep, and very tough. I had no problem with going out of my way to do something nice for Cory. But I have had deeper struggles lately that I have wrestled with God about. The great thing is, my struggle now is not about getting out of marriage...it is about making it better. It is about making it more wonderful...it is about GOD!

Valentine's Day this year was great. Simple, but great. I didn't get roses, by request. ( I really don't care for roses) But I did get something very thoughtful. You might not think so, but I do. Poor Cory..he is learning still, but this time he did great! Without even remembering I asked for this years ago, he bought me a very nice coat and umbrella rack for the foyer. It is gorgeous. He picked it out by himself, and had it a day early. (that is probably the best part) The two things that makes a gift perfect for me is 1. thought and 2. ON TIME! He was able to do both, and buy me something I love! He even bought flowers for me and Naomi....I love him dearly and as day by day goes by...our love gets stronger and stronger.

I miss him tonight...hence how I got time to blog...he is out of town. I remember days where I counted down to nights he would be gone....days I wouldn't have to see him or even be in the same room with him...not because it was his fault, because Satan had me right where he wanted me. But now, tonight, I tear up thinking, my best friend isn't in the other room...

Day 34 cont....

So, back to yesterdays dare...

from the moment you get out of the Word, Satan comes. We all have some type of temptation throughout our day. Satan will put things in our head that says 'your spouse is dressing up and looking good for someone else' or 'its ok to watch this movie with bad language' or 'church isn't important'. All of these things are from the devil no doubt. And some times, they are said so eloquently or so loudly, we believe them, even as Christians.

But when we began to truly understand God's word and understand what real living is, our principles change. In our marriage, when we see our spouse doing something that is getting them closer to God, instead of listening to Satan tearing them down, we should be proud. we may constantly see our spouse succeed at things, but what makes us more excited? When they help clean the house, or when they gather the family for a devotion? When they do a good job at work, or when they help neighbor who needs something. We should rejoice most when we do things that please God. We should be thrilled! And we should tell them.... "be happy for any success your spouse enjoys. But save your heartiest congratulations for those times when they are honoring God with their worship and obedience."

Day 34: Love celebrates godliness

DARE: Find a specific , recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way. Verbally commend them for this at some point.

AS i read today's dare, My mind drifts off to things I'm struggling with. Things I shouldn't struggle with. Things that Satan wants to bind between us. My God is greater, My God is stronger, God you are higher than any other! I just realized that I'm still trying to fix things. I have to quit. Dear God, please just take this little burden from me, and take control, just like you have done before! I want my marriage to be blessed!

As we sit and do Bible studies, as we dig into God's word...as soon....well just interrupted with "Fix me Chocolate milk please..." Guess today's will be finished tonight! hehehe

Day 33: Love Completes each Other

dARE: Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you have ignored their input int he past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you.

The Bible says that "two are better than one because they have a good return for labor. For if either of them Falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up." This is the way God designed a marriage. Man and Woman are made for each other. We are made to balance each other out. When one is weak, the other is strong. When one needs building up, the other is there to encourage. The problem is that sometimes we focus too much on our differences and let us create a wedge between us. For example, one may cook, one may not. One may clean better. One may issue discipline better. One may be generous while one is protective of the money. Either way, we are meant to fit together. We have to learn to accept these distinctions between ourselves in our mate. If we don't, we might have wasted opportunities. We must take advantage of our uniqueness, because that is probably what drew us together in the first place.

Your partner is here to help you. Cory is here to help me, make decisions, around the house, with Naomi - I use him quite a bit. I am so thankful for his willingness to be a team and not make me do everything. There wa a time when I felt that way..but it wasn't his fault. I gave him no reason to desire to help me, and when he did, I tried to act like he didn't it out obligation, not love. But now I know everything we do is out of obligation, and LOVE. We have chores, we may not like um, but we do them because they have to be done, and because we want to help our partner - to keep from going crazy! Right hun?!

Joined together, we are greater than our parts. We need each other. We complete each other!

Day 32: synopsis

So, for those wondering, and probably Cory too, I didn't accomplish yesterday's dare...but I will. Haven't been feeling well lately, so maybe today is a brand new day!

Day 32: Love meets Sexual Needs

DARE: I'm not listing the dare today....in case Cory reads it. I will tell you it later! :)

So, today is all about sex. Or 'making love', whoopy, whatever your choice of terms may be...Today is personal for me. I don't know who out there is reading this. SO I don't know how much detail I want to get, but it is no doubt that in a marriage that struggles for three years, this is one aspect that someone pulls away from. And of course, this time, being me. Why my husband stayed with me, and remained faithful that long when I didn't meet his physical needs, I have no idea! But I do know that he is a blessing from God and maybe that ole procrastinating fault he has, turned out to be a blessing for me!

God created sex. God created unity. The problem is that society has made it so ugly and such a sin. I have made it that way too. God's purposes is for us to become one with our mate while pursuing holiness. God wants it to be beautiful acts of expressions, like Song of Solomon, where each responds to the other. We are to express honesty and understanding in sexual matters and this leads to a confident love together.

The marriage bed is to be undefiled. (Heb 13:4) We are not to share this experience with someone else. But we are weak. If this need goes unmet, because of being treated as being selfish and demanding by the other, our hearts can draw away. This of course can lead to being tempted to fulfill this longing somewhere else. But that is why god created this 'one flesh' mentality. The husband has authority over the wife's body, and the wife over the husbands. Kind of weird to think about. Our body is not ours, but our husbands. If he wants it, we should give it. It shouldn't be used as a bargaining chip, but it should be used as giving of ourselves to each other to meet the other's needs.

So the Bible warns, 'stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of lack of self-control'. I am the one person God called to meet Cory's needs. I can't allow distance to grow any longer between us in this area, because I am rightfully his. We must not violate this unity of marriage. The path to accomplishing this entangles all the things of this love dare - patience, kindness, selflessness, thoughtfulness, protections, honor and forgiveness - so let this with god be the foundation of your marriage and friendship, so that sexual relations can be enjoyed at a level this world can not know.

"You have been bought with a price" Now I must pay the price to win the heart of my mate. When you do, you will enjoy the pure delight that flows when sex is done for the right reasons.....and if that is not enough, you will also have the opportunity to glorify God in your body! It is meant to be beautiful!

Prayers please....As much as I love sex, and as good as Cory is....I have become stagnant. I want that fire back! I have an idea....let you know! (not details I promise)

couples

Sooo many couples out their struggling. Satan knows where to attack. God gave us marriage to try and began to understand His love for us. Satan knows this. God uses marriage to represent His relationship with us. Satan knows this! Satan is a force who is stronger than we realize. He can attack us when we least expect. Our job is to remember who our daddy is, and remember He is WAYYYYYYYY stronger than that mean ole satan. Pray over your spouse...pray of your marriage!

Day 31: Love and Marriage

DARE: Is there a "leaving" issue you haven't been brave enough to conquer yet? Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make ti right. The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it. Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.

Genesis 2:24 A man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

Today's lessons are really about simply leaving your old relationships, and becoming one with your spouse. Although it is tied into leaving your parents, and getting away from them, and it can really be with any relationship. Any tie you have with another person can stand in between you and your spouse. God knows that you can't be tied to two people. That is why He commands you to break away.

We don't have problems with our parents intruding in our lives. They let go, and let us live our life. I'm sure there are moments on both sides where we disagreed with how things were handled, but all in all we are all on the same page. They do their things and we do ours, and often all of us find time to visit with each other. The good thing is we all let go. The book says that sometimes this is one sided and either the parents want to hang on or the new couple, but this can't be done. God declared you to be one flesh with your spouse to allow you to:

-achieve oneness in your decisions
-achieve oneness in our priorities
-achieve oneness in your sexual affections

Achieving oneness in your marriage makes anything possible. This dare can really be about achieving that oneness with your spouse. Something I need to work on....

prayer

So I ask Cory what I could pray for him yesterday. He asked me to pray for him to be the godly leader of our home and pray that God's will in His life be revealed and he is receptive.

This is a big and general pray for me. I need to find out more details on what He is seeking for God's will. I don't know if it is work, or something God is laying on His heart for ministry. All I know is we are both hopefully growing closer to God...and becoming a tighter family-that cannot be broken!

Day 30: Love Brings Unity

Dare: Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.

John 17:11 Father, keep them in Your name, the name which you have given Me, that they may be one even as we are.

To try and get a grasp on God's intention of being one with our spouse, we have to have a better understanding of the trinity. I've always known about the trinity, and got it to some degree, but understanding it is very tough. Today's lesson helps me do that, and helps me relate it to my unity with Cory.

From the begging of the Bible written over 1600 years ago, we see the trinity - Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The spirit moved over the surface of the waters. The son who is the radiance of His glory and the exact representation of His nature. And God said 'Let US make man in OUR imagine, according to OUR likeness. These three are a pristine unity who serve, love, and honor each other - much like God designed the marriage. Though they are equal - they rejoice when one is praised, though distinct- they are one, indivisible. This represents the grandeur of God, and this is what He has chosen for us to experience. One flesh. Two lives intertwined and God uses marriage to explain His love for His church.

The bride(church) is most honored with he Savior is worshiped and celebrated. Christ (bridegroom), who has given Himself up for her, is most honored when He sees her as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. I just realized something - As I was reading the Bride, I'm sitting her thinking -yeh Cory should read this. This is why I need so much attention, because I need him to worship me - but that was all wrong. What i need to do for my marriage is present myself to Cory as blameless, without stain - yeh I'm going to make mistakes, but I must strive to be a godly woman. Cory feels honored when I am godly; when I am holy. That's the beauty of this unified relationship. So here is what the book says:

Wife- "What would happen if you made it your mission to do everything possible to promote togetherness of heart with your husband? What if every threat to you unity was treated as a poison, a cancer, and enemy to be eliminated by love, humility, and selfishness? what would your marriage become if you were never again willing to see your oneness torn apart?" I ask Cory last night during church why Satan had stopped stopped attacking our marriage. Not that I'm complaining, but it seems once we shut the door on him, he just slipped away. Of course, he is looking for other areas to attack me on - like work, and sickness - but he has left our marriage alone for now. Cory smiled and said, " He is tired. we wore him out" I guess he is right, he had to work so hard to tear to up apart. Even with sin in our lives, we still had God's unity holding us together. He would try and break it, and God, Cory and I held on - somehow, and now we have that three cord strain mentioned in the Bible that is hard to break.

Therefore - LOVE YOUR Spouse who as much as part of the body of Christ, and as much a part of your body - as you are! Let's Raise our spouses up today!

"LOVE MOTIVATED BY MERE DUTY CANNOT HOLD OUT FOR VERY LONG. AND LOVE THAT IS ONLY MOTIVATED BY FAVORABLE CONDITIONS CAN NEVER BE ASSURED OF SUFFICIENT OXYGEN TO KEEP IT BREATHING. ONLY LOVE THAT IS LIFTED UP AS AN OFFERING TO GOD -RETURNED TO HIM IN GRATITUDE FOR ALL HE HAS DONE - IS ABLE TO SUSTAIN ITSELF WHEN ALL OTHER REASONS HAVE LOST THEIR ABILITY TO ENERGIZE US." The Love Dare

in other words - we must love because it is our duty! God created us for this - and we will never survive without Him and his love!

Day 29: Love's Motivation

DARE:Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say "I love you", and the express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person -UNCONDITIONALLY, the way HE loves both of you.

Alright ladies....get on board with me. Today is what the whole dare is about - our motivation.

Ephesians 6:7 Render service with a good attitude as to the Lord and not to men.

So here is the question is ask myself, "Why do I love Cory?" If it is because of all those things I mentioned on a previous dare, you know the one where I said he is hot over and over again? Well, guess what? That isn't love! And i just learned that - that is lust. That is what drew me to him. Today's lesson is about unconditional love.

It didn't take long into the marriage or even dating to realize that Cory is not always going to motivate me to love him. There are actually times he does things to de-motivate my love for him - like farting in places other than the bathroom (I know I'm weird right?), picking at his callaces (sp?), and I'm sure I can name more....but even deeper. There may be times when I want to express my love to him, and refuses it. The book says this is normal, even in healthy relationships. Moods and emotions change, but one thing is guaranteed, GOD is our reason for loving our spouse. That's because ALL love comes from HIM!

Here are some things the book says to think about and what our goals in our life should be:
WORK: Col 3:23 Do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men
SERVICE: Col 3:22 Obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.
EVERYTHING: Work hard at whatever you do, knowing that form the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve. Col 3:23-24
MARRIAGE: Wives be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands love you wives as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. Eph 5:25

Wow..those are tough! I'm tying this at work, because our internet is down at the house, and read them to a co-worker...we laughed about the first three because we are facing struggles at work...but it is amazing how if we just plant the right seed of love, God will bless us...it will change out attitudes towards everything, even a stressful job and stressful marriage.

Love that is demanded from me in a marriage is not dependent on your mate's sweetness of suitability. I might need to say that again to let it sink in. Love that is demanded from me in a marriage is not dependent on your mate's sweetness of suitability. The love between a husband and wife should have one chief objective: honoring the LORD with devotion and sincerity. This has to be a change of focus - We have to be able to wake up and know that God is our source and supply and that changes the whole reason to interact and love your mate, and everyone around you.

I know the situations of some of you reading this. Your husbands may be tuning you out and acting uninterested and you feel HURT! Don't battle this back with silence and inattention. Love him anyway. "As to the Lord"

Text from Cory....

Yesterday I got a text from Cory that meant the world to me. Long story that i will shorten for you is that I ended up getting strep throat. I also check Naomi to see if she had it to, and thought she might. So, after I got done with the doctor and I went and picked her up and took her...and yep, they thought she had it to. When I told Cory, this is what he sent to me

"....I sure am glad you looked in her throat this morning and caught that...you probably caught it on the front end before she got really sick...Good job MOM!"

Now to some of you, this might not mean much, but for me it meant the world. Cory has mentioned to be me before that I was a good mom, but usually it I was in the middle of fighting and me whining about him never complimenting me. But today, he noticed, on his own, how much I care for Naomi and how much I do for her. He complimented me in a way that meant everything to me! AND THEN, he left work on his lunch break and went and picked up her medicine for me so I could get her home and get her fed and rested.

So, so what if I haven't gotten flowers since this dare, who cares about that stuff? The fact is..he thinks I'm a good MOM... but I can't forget that my main goal is to be a good WIFE! Still working on that compliment... :)

Day 28: Love makes sacrifices

Dare: What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse's life right now? IS there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can do to meet that need.

This has been a rough couple of weeks for me. I'm at the point where I really don't even want to work anymore, which if you know very well....that's crazy talk! I haven't felt good the last couple of days, and am just worn slap out with everything going on. But today's dare is about sacrifice. I have just realized that I have been so focussed on do the things for other people, and myself, I haven't really dont anything special for Cory lately, but yet, he needs that too. Today's dare is about sacrifice. It's about genuinely caring for your spouse. Making sure we understand when they are under pain or pressure. Instead of seeing our spouse as complaining and bickering, see it in love...and do what you can to help. A couple of things the book mentioned:

Is he hungry and needing sex even when you don't want it?
Is he thirsty and craving attention that you are giving someone else?
Does he feel like a stranger and find safety in home?
Is he naked and ashamed and desperate for your love?
Is he feeling sick and tired of needing you to help him free of interruptions?
Does he feel in prison and has become fearful and depressed?

I know I can see moments where Cory was each of these. I wasn't giving him the things he needed on every level. But Praise God he was brought up to never give up and he stuck with me. Praise God he has an attitude of forgiveness and commitment that his parents put in Him. But I have to continue to meet these needs..because I want to, because of love.

Love has to make sacrifices. How can this work...by simply stating "what can I do for you?" Show those eyes of compassion and eyes of commitment, and be sincere!

Day 27: Love encourages

Dare 27: Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has told you you’re expecting too much and tell them your sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you’ll seek to understand and assure them of your unconditional love.



Funny how I haven’t been blogging and skipped a couple of days doing the dare, and then today, when I start back, God paces just what I need to hear. Today’s dare is about encouraging your spouse. I know Cory and I both went into our marriage with higher expectations than what we should have had. I’m sure that is one of the biggest mistakes made by newly engaged/married couples. I know I made promises to Cory that I haven’t kept. A lot of marriages make promises that aren’t kept.

The book says that if a wife expects her husband to always be on time, clean up after himself, and UNDERSTAND ALL her needs, she will be constantly disappointed. I know a lot of time for me, I put Cory at such an in-human high standard that he is destined to fail in my eyes. Especially when I want him to read my mind. The truth is that I should understand that he is human, which means, he will forget things, sometimes he will be thoughtless. That way, when he is the opposite of those things, I can responsible in a loving and kind way.

If we don’t allow our spouses to be human, divorce WILL happen. Today’s dare says that is why we must encourage them rather than putting harmful expectations for them. One thing I hear from other couples who are struggling, and the thing I fight with is back to that selfish thing. I must focus more on my personal responsibility and improving myself rather than one demanding more from Cory. This is tough. I have felt like it is my responsibility to tell Cory what he needs to do better. What he needs to do to make me feel loved, but it isn’t about that. It is about changing myself. Only God can change your spouse – and the truth is, I really love Cory for who he is and how he is! The Bible has a verse about this that says “take the log out of your own eye, before pointing out the speck in your brothers.” I’m sure there are days where Cory feels like he has to walk on egg shells around me.

The most common response to something like this is saying that the problem is not yourself but your spouse. If that is the way we feel, then we might as well stop the dare, and stop working on our marriages now. What I think is is important and critical to the future of our marriage, and what I feel I must say he needs to improve on, can cause an attitude where few people will respond totally objectively, but rather critically. When we dated, I would bend over backwards for him, and ignore his minor imperfections, and wasn’t that when we were happiest? Sometimes my goal-oriented personality puts high demands on Cory – but truthfully I need to just make Cory happy. The Bible says, “Encourage one another and build up one another….”

So my goal today is really to quit making excuses for why I don’t respond to Cory in ways that I should be. It will be tough for me, because there is still a lot to overcome, but the truth is that I’m scarring his personality by not responding sometimes in the way he needs to me. He needs that respect from me. This is going to be harder than I thought, because I expect so much from Cory – but really isn’t he perfect just the way he is? There are several areas I can improve with this….one, I expect him to think of doing little special things for me all the time, two I expect him to make me feel important and more loved – and third…well, I think those are big enough for me to overcome!!!

I'm back...

SO, I know a lot of you have been wondering if I gave up..NO NOT AT ALL! I left for my trip to Hoover and couldn't find my book. Got home, and still couldn't find it, so Cory went and bought me another one Friday night...well, guess what, I found it right after he got it. So, we start the next day....I will blog it tonight. Hope you are still tagging along!

Katrina

Postponed

Hi everyone! It seems I can locate my Love dare book to do my dares the next couple of days. I know I put it out to bring but can't seem to find it now!

I do have some things to post though. Some things on my heart. It seems that every time I turn around, God is placing another lady in my path who needs prayers for marriage. Some I know the private details, some I don't, but even this morning, a lady email me and said she needed prayers for her marriage. How do these people know to turn to me? Is God putting them in my path for a reason? Yes, Ive come along way but am still learning, and still healing in my marriage. I'm not sure where He wants this to go. So, what I am praying about is doing a Love Dare study for women only at the church. Our marraiges are falling apart! This is Satan's design to ruin them. God created marriage to help us understand the LOVE of GOD better....it is a union by God, and Satan seeks to destroy it. Divorce is too easy...anything that is easy, is scary. Marriage is tough for all..anything you have to fight for...is worth it!!!!

Dear God, Please cover marriages today. Bind Satan for ever entering them! He has no authority in them. SEND HIM AWAY! AMEN

To those who read this daily, I promise I'm still doing the dare. I'm heading to Hoover for a couple if days, so I will work on it tonight.

Love y'all!

Day 26: Love is responsible

DARE: Take time to pray through your areas of wrong doing. Ask God's forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. Do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for your forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in LOVE. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.

Romans 2:1 - When you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things.

today's dare is a very tough one. The good thing for me is, we have already crossed the road for forgiveness. We have already both become responsible for where we failed each other, and have moved forward from such. It is amazing that when God is control, things likes this just feel right. You can hear those around you saying NO, but hear God's voice above the others saying "do as I say and I will protect you".

But for us, this was a milestone in our marriage. We recommitted to each other and I decided we now have a second anniversary date! It can be the same for you. BUt don't do this dare because you are reading mine. If you feel you have things to take responsibility for, listen to God's voice. He knows when the right time is.

This dare is about responsibility. As time goes on, people seem to take less and less responsibility. In politics, in business, in celebrities, and in our back door, we see excuses after excuses. Everyone is so quick to be justified in their motives, and deflect criticism. In our marriages, we are so quick to blame our spouse, not accepting that we may be pushing them to this craziness. I did....my attitude affected Cory greatly. I pushed him to being someone he didn't like. Someone I didn't like and I made excuse for it. "well if he would do this, I would do this" Doesn't work that way!

We always believe we are right. We always want to blame. "well they did this!" But love doesn't make excuses. Love makes a difference in yourself and in your marriage. The Bible says "Rebuke is more effective for a wise man than a hundred blows on a fool" What would happen if the next time we are fussing with our spouse, we admitted we were wrong first? Worth a try....

Love is responsible and is willing to admit and correct its faults and errors up front. And repent of them. A real heart of repentance may take awhile to grow in you. Pride is very strong, but humility and honesty before God is crucial for a healthy marriage.

Now, this doesn't mean that we should let our spouse walk all over us. This is mainly meaning that if there is something that isn't right between you and God, or you and your spouse, we must take responsibility for it and make it right, and claim the blame for it. We will stumble not doubt, but to keep the favor of God, we must stay clean before Him. We must swallow our pride and take ownership and seek forgiveness no matter how our spouse responds. They should forgive you, but that isn't your responsibility. Your responsibility is responding to God and doing as he says. AS I have found, my sincereness when asking for forgiveness has gone a long way. God can give you strength as well to make this step. Cory and I both noticed this and found that when God was on our side...over coming anything was possible!

Get ready....

Get ready for Day 26...it is going to affect us all!!

Day 25: Love forgives

DARE: Whatever you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to 'forgive our debts' each day, we must ask him to help us 'forgive our debtors" each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart, "i choose to forgive."

The book states that today's love dare is the toughest one of all! It can big for a person or it can be little. The truth is that forgiveness is just tough! Forgiveness is one of the most complex problems in a marriage. But the truth is forgiveness MUST happen, or a successful marriage won't happen.

Jesus tells a parable in the Bible about a servant who's master forgave him for all his many debt. He was overjoyed, but then the servant wen to collect debts from one who owed him. When the master heard this he immediately handed him over to those who would torture him until all the debt was paid. A day that had begun so happy, had ended in such sorrow because of his unforgiveness.

Isn't this our life? God forgives us over and over and over if we just ask, but yet we hold grudges in our heart. Decide for ourselves that people don't deserve forgiveness but Jesus says "My heavenly Father will also do the same for you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from you heart" Matt 18:35

Uforgiveness not only puts those around us in a prison, it entangles us and puts us there as well. It weighs on our hearts and allows trife and malice to build up. Sometimes it is hard to come to a conclusion that we must forgive, because we are hurt so much. THe person may not even be sorry about what they have done. they may feel jsutified and blame you. BUt forgiveness doesn't absolve anyone of blame. It doesn't clear their record with God. It just clears your from having to worry about it and worry how to punish them. When we forgive someone, we are not turning loose to what they have done, we are turning them over to the one judge, GOD. We are saving ourselves from having to argue with them, decide a punishment, and have decided it isn't about who wins or loses. It is about freedom and our ability to let go!!

But doing it....is hard! "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is MINE, I will repay,' says the Lord. Rom 12:19

HOw do you know you have been successful? their name or face, no longer causes you anguish. Them being around you no longer causes you to be mad. Rather you pity them and hope they get this turned around!

GREAT Marriages are not created by people whop never hurt each other, but by those who chose to keep 'no record of wrongs'. I Cor 13:5

today...

I don't know why but today is a struggle for me. AS I text back and forth with a friend who is going through some of the same stuff, I am finding it tougher and tougher to rely on God, when I thought it would be easier and easier. I assume, Satan is just trying to get back in, but today's dare just upset me a bit. I have trouble discerning between how much I should just rely on God, and yet how much I should communicate with Cory to let him know I am feeling. Of course, he is reading this now (hi Cory!), but it is a struggle. I don't want to lust after love from my husband...I want to love God, and allow him to satisfy my needs. But then, what is the point of a marriage? God gave us marriage because he knew it wasn't good for man to be alone, right?! But yet, we should be totally dependent on God right? So, where do we draw the line on communicating to our spouse our needs, and not feel selfish about it?!

(Cory - btw, your are doing great...this is my struggle - not yours! - LU)

Day 24: Love vs Lust

DARE: End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed - today - and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.

Beginning in the garden of Eden, it started with the eyes noticing the unforbidden fruit and then it escaped to the heart, with feelings of shame and regret. Adam and Eve, as with us, were given everything they needed for a productive and full life. The Bible states that God will provide the basic of food and clothing, and we should be content with that. We might say we are and want nothing more, but that would be a lie. We are of this world. We always want more and our flesh wants us to seek more worldly pleasures. we might look, stare and then fantasize, and barely turn our eyes away - but then curiosity captures our heart and we become entangled. THEN we act on our lust.

Lust is generally thought of as a sexual sin, and it can be, but lust can be lusting not just after people. We can lust after possessions, power, higher positions, etc. For me, I have always lusted after love! I know there have been times when I was turned from the face of God, and thought 'if I could only have this'. The Bible says in I Tim 6:9 "But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction." Ive been there. We have all been there. God knows about our secrets...God knows about my desires.

Lust cannot be in a marriage and it cannot be in a Christian life. It, along with selfishness, is a total opposite of LOVE. Lust is the first step out of the fellowship of love. Lust breeds more lusts, and more lusts. And when lusts for someone of something else in a marriage, it breeds anger, numbs hearts and destroys marriages. In our experience - it led straight to loneliness and emptiness.

So whatever your lust, whatever my lust might be - it doesn't have to be for the world to know, like in this blog! :) But I must realize something that has taken years to learn - it is a misguided thirst for satisfaction that only God can fulfill. Ive said this before, but still learning it, lust is not letting God fulfill the desires of your heart. For me, it is putting my spouse on such a high pedestal and wanting to feel that love from him every second, but he can't that. Funny how I tend to LUST for LOVE and the two just don't mingle. That's why today's lesson is so important for me. I can't lust to be loved by Cory - he can't love me the way I need. He can do his best and he should try to love me that way - but true love is when God fills me! When my eyes and my heart and my actions are from him, it will lead to lasting joy!

This is soo soo hard for me. I am strong in every area of my life, but in my 'love' relationship. My sister will tell you, I've always had a man in my life. I've never been single at all. I long for that connection, that security, that love. But I've never been satisfied the way I need to be. I've grown bitter when Cory couldn't give me the love I wanted...when all along God has been ready and willing to give it to me. This is a struggle for me! The worst...this is the one I need your prayers on. Learning to let God love, and not being so hard on Cory when I look to the wrong place, him, for that love. Daily receiving of the unconditional love that HE has already proven to me through His son and the cross, should be enough!

"Do not love the things of this works. If anyone loves the world, the love of the father is not in him." I John 2:15

LUST IS THE BEST THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER, BUT LOVE OFFERS YOU THE BEST LIFE IN THE WORLD! This has to be my daily eternal prayer - Get love from GOD!

Day 23: Love always Protects

DARE:Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.

CHECK!! Accomplished this dare already! God has changed our hearts and our love for each other is not hindered by any addiction or influence! Thank-you God for bringing our hearts to you!

"Love always Protects" I Cor 13:7

"Marriage is made up of many things, including joys, sorrow, successes, failures....and battles." Battles are what today's dare is about. Marriage is a union that is of God. Satan hates marriages that are of God and he hates it when people learn to understand God's love by showing others. Satan knows our weaknesses, especially mine. Cory and I must protect our marriage....and constantly! Some things the book mention to be aware of are below:

Harmful influences. Internet and TC, work are all things that can be enjoyable additions to your life, but they can also bring a destructive corner. The can steal your time away from your spouse and drain hours from your family. You must be there to protect your home. You can't if you are rarely there in flesh or not. I'm struggling with this a lot this week. With the choir and the race coming up, I've been gone three nights this week, and I can tell my little girl misses me, and me and Cory have not been able to be there for each other. Even though what I am doing is a good things, I miss my family.

Unhealthy relationships: This is pretty simple - ANYONE who undermines your marriage does not deserve to be give the title of 'friend'. Stay way from those. And stay away form or be on guard for those opposite-sex relationships at work, the gym, and church...without knowing it, they can draw you emotionally away from your spouse!

Shame: Because a marriage has a way of exposing everything to your spouse, you know all there is to know about them. The book says to never speak negatively about them in public. I used to this all the time about Cory, and to be honest, IW as wrong on two levels. one, it was my selfishness that made me look at him that way when he really was the right one, and two - you should never speak ugly of the one you love. LOVE hides the faults of others. I think I can use this in my marriage and friendships. It covers their shame!

Parasites: Parasites are things which promise pleasure, but end up destroying your marriage. Things like, drugs, gambling, porn, alcohol, etc. Marriages have trouble surviving when their are parasites around. (you must remember - don't focus on your spouse's parasites - they are reading this dare - this is about your parasites) You must destroy them, or they will destroy you!

God warns in the Bible "My flock has become prey...food for all the beasts of the field." We are that to Satan. He knows our buttons, and he will push them, daily! You can't feel your own desires daily, without looking to feed your spouses. Here is the command:

WIVES: Guard your heart from being led away through novels, magazines and other forms of entertainment that can blur the reality and put on unfair expectations of your spouse. Make him feel strong! "the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands." I am going to use this as my dare today. I am going to BUILD HIM UP!

HUSBANDS: YOU are the head of the home. You are responsible before God for guarding the gate and protecting anything that would hurt your marriage and your wife. This is not a small task, but one to be taken seriously. "If the head of the house had known what time of the night the thief was coming, he would have been on alert and would have not allowed his house to be broken into." Know your spouse. Know how to protect her. That's what women want! I have to say that I felt Cory's protection when he stood up for me last week during a crisis in our marriage. For him to reach out and say, 'she is my wife' and emphasize that he wants me and wants to protect me when people try to hurt me....made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Never felt that kind of protection before. Almost like God...I don't care what she has said, what she has done, she is my wife, and I stand by her 100%! THANK-YOU!

Day 22: Love is Faithful

DARE: Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knew-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them in words similar to these, "I love you. Period. Choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."

Funny how I grew up in church and know stories in the Bible front to back. But as an adult, when I go back and read the same story, I finally get the point. Today's story is about unconditional love. And being faithful to that love, and faithful to God.

In the book of Hosea, God instructs the prophet Hosea to marry a prostititute. In today's world, can you imagine if a Holy man of God marries a prostitute because "God told him too." How many frowns do you think that would get?! But God did tell him too, and Hosea listened. He married Gomer. He had three children with Gomer. But then, this lady who had made her living by living in immortality was not content to stay with just one man. This embarrassed Hosea, and how do you think he felt after God told him to do this. Discouraged? Most likely. Shame? Of course!! I would. But he had grown to love her. They had once been close. As time passed, God spoke to Hosea again and told him to go and reaffirm his love her Gomer. (an example on waiting on God to speak) He had to go and buy her off a slave block. But he did. he paid the price to get his own wife back. He treated her with more love and welcomed her back in and expression of unconditional love.

God placed this story in the Bible I'm sure to demonstrate a life-like love with heavenly meaning. God loves us this way. Even when we don't pay attention, he shows favor on us. We reject Him...He still loves us and remains faithful.

Jesus calls us to this kind of love in our life and in our marriage. He said "love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:27-28 I know I am not persecuted daily for my love for Christ. I do know there are days I get mistreated and get talked about. God tells me to love those who do this, and PRAY FOR them. God has been convicting me a lot lately about my prayer life. So often, people send prayer reqeusts my way, and I say ok I will pray....and I forget! No more....Prayer is my communication with God.

From a marriage persepctive, you would never think that your spouse could become your enemy, but they can. Too often marriages dwindle down to that level, and even to the point of betrayal and people respond so quickly to a rapid divorce. Others, care more about their reputation than each other's happiness and think to keep the charade going with no intention of even liking one another. Unfortunately, I have been on both of those decisions. With the first divorce, I gave up quickly. With Cory, we just kept living an act. Either way, I'm embarrassed on the decsisions that I Have made, but in the same token, I am very thankful. Those decisions have molded me to who I am right now. Katrina Ann Hanks, with a wonderful husband, Cory, a beautiful daughter Naomi, and a part of two great families who love me dearly.

Marriage and love is the model for a follower of Christ. If our love is to be like HIS, it must be around even when it is unwanted or unappreciated. We can give undesevred love to our spouses because God did - over and over again. I am asking Him today, to fill me with the love only He can give me, and help me give it in a way that reflects gratefllness to God for loving me, and shown to Cory and those around me.

Day 21: Love is satisfied in GOD

DARE: Be intentional today about making time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day or reading a chapter in the gospels. As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.

As I have now come face to face with understanding that God is what I need, today is about letting him satisfy your needs...every day. Our spouses will let us down. We will let our spouses down, but God will always be there. He will always do exactly what we need, if we let him. Our spouses will never be able to satisfy all our needs. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. We are both human. However, God is not.

God can give inner peace. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the peace that surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7

God can help you be content. "IN any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled....I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:12-13

Our spouses can complete some of these things, but God can fully satisfy. The needs for me for love, peace and adequacy are very real. I even see it in my child's personality. I need to feel these things. They are are real. But rather than plugging into things that are unstable, I must stay plugged into God. I must seek Him every day.


Date day went great...still re-learning each other at times, but had a wonderful time. Went by way too fast and wish we can have a do-over! :)

Half- way there...

On a side note, this dare has changed my life! I hope it is changing the lives of those who read it. My relationship with God, my relationship with Cory, my relationships at work, my relationship with my friends, my relationship with my family has suffered! But now, I am made anew! I worship God with a new attitude, and a new sense of guidance. A new hope. A new dream. God has waited for me for so long to come back into his arms, and strategically planned each step..each day...each door opened! I am His child, and I never want to turn away from Him again!

On day 20 now....20 more to go....a life-time more to go....hope you are along for the ride!

Love yall!

PS, Please say a special prayer for one of my young nieces today. Just pray for comfort and guidance for her and her family.

Day 20: Love is Jesus Christ

DARE: Dare to take God at his word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, "Lord Jesus, I'm a sinner. but you have shown your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and you have proven your power to save me from death by your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by your grace."

LOVE IS JESUS CHRIST! True love is found in Christ alone. It isn't until after we have received His gift of new life by accepting death in our place, and accepting His forgiveness of sins......will you be ready for this REAL LOVE DARE!

If you are reading this blog, and focusing on your own marriage, know that the next statement that I make is from the book, however, it is my life story...and maybe yours. Everything I Have failed at and haven't been able to do, every minute I have wasted trying to fix things my own way - all of it is now forgiven and made right by putting my life into the hands of the One who first gave it to me.

We are born sinful. "Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me" Ps 51:5 We are all sinners. That doesn't mean we must make an excuse for sin. If you are Christian, we know better. But the truth is, we all sin. It isn't like God sends innocent people to hell! We all deserve it. One sin isn't worse than another. They are all equal in God's eyes, and Satan's eyes. The smallest thing, like a lie, is probably the worst! As Cory said in Sunday school yesterday, lying is a gateway sin. If satan can get you there, he can gradually get you anywhere. However, God sent His only son so that we might live through him. By His death, he made invalid the idea that we are unloved because of our sin. Sometimes, I admit, I feel that way. I look to this world for love...and even to my husband. But here is the key, if I ever feel that way, my eyes are off the CROSS. All the love I will ever need in this life, should come from the CROSS!

Love like that can't be understood. Love like that can't be earned. Love like that must be received.....And when we get this, we are free to love in ways we are not capable of. Love for my spouse comes from God! No from some little lustful love I once had. True genuine love...which means doing things for him when I don't want to. - Which means, taking him to eat sushy today (yuck). Which means not going in to work on a day off - just to spend time with him. It means putting him first. Finding ways to love him, because God loves him, and God wants me to reveal His love for Cory through me! What an awesome task God has assigned to me!

1 John 4:8 says, the one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. This means I now share the same type of love with Cory. For those reading this and even the moments where I feel Cory is distracted, I must show love even when it isn't shown in return. Doesn't God do that for us over and over again? I can see his flaws and imperections, and still chose to love him. Although I will never be able to meet their needs like God can, I can be used as instrument for God's work. Now until death...and even in death!

So I say it again:
True love is found in Christ alone. It isn't until after we have received His gift of new life by accepting death in our place, and accepting His forgiveness of sins......will you be ready for this REAL LOVE DARE!

Day 19: Love is Impossible

DARE: Look back over the dares from the previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized the need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask for him to show you where you stand with him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

This day is deep. So get ready....

This love dare so far has been things to work on on your own. Trying to become less selfish and be more considerate of your spouse. well, today, my eyes are open. I am slowly realizing that true love (agape love) can not come from me. I can't make myself love Cory unconditional. I can't just wake up one day and say 'I'm going to love Cory more now', even though I've tried so many times on my own. It is beyond what I can do. It is only from God. He can only make you love your spouse unconditionally. Because of His great love for ME, and His great love for CORY - he Choses to express HIS love through me! Isn't that amazing?! Think about it. GOD CREATED ME, MADE ME, CHOSE ME to LOVE CORY and EXPRESS HIS LOVE to HIM! FOR HIM! So, my job on this earth is to show my spouse, and others, GOD"s LOVE! WOW.... People see love from other people. God wants us to show HIM to other people. Man I have been missing this all along!

I can't muster up enough unconditional, long-term, sacrificial love from my heart. It isn't in me! I can't! GOD CAN! My sacrificial love has caused me to fail, many many times. Thinking evil against Cory, and against my family....only because of that sacrificial love. How many times I have my love proven tp be incapable of controlling my anger or allowed unforgiveness in my heart? Here is what the Bible says:

We all demonstrate selfishness, hatred, and pride. And unless something is done to cleanse of us of these ungodly attribute, we will stand before God guilty as charged. (paraphrase Romans 6:23) THAT'S WHY IF YOU ARE NOT RIGHT WITH GOD, you can't truly love your spouse, because He is the source of that love! Makes sens huh?! I haven't been able to love Cory the way he needed, the way God intended, because I haven't been truly, truly right with God! I haven't been in His word. I haven't' been praying like I should....But NOW, as this Sunday approaches. TODAY is a day of worship! Today is a day where I am right with God. Today is a day where I will love God, and I Will love Cory through God. Not of myself, but of GOD!

The one thing that is bothering me about today, is those I love who aren't in Christ. Marriages fail because someone isn't in Christ. I confess I haven't prayed for those like I should, and I must begin today. Without God's love in the marriage, things are hopeless. Agape love can't be generated. LOVE IS FROM GOD! (1 John 4:7)

But here is something to remember: "HE is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or thing, according tho the power that works within us" Eph 3:20 This is my new favorite verse!

My goal today: Stop resisting the Love of God. Stop rejecting his forgiveness and forgiveness of others. It is a tough road for me, which has caused depression. But I must focus on the LOVE OF GOD. The truth is I can't live without HIM, and I can't love Cory without him. Just imagine if I out my marriage in HIS hands?! Look what HE has already done!

Pray with me about something...I'm thinking of asking Cory to start doing the dare with me. Today actually starts Day 20 (I didn't blog yesterdays) and I feel that the beginning was all superficial..things I needed. I think we might could start growing as a family if we focus on the next 20, because it seems to be about your relationship with God more too. If he is reading this...maybe he will pray too! :)

Day 18: Love seeks to understand

DARE: Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've barely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

"How blessed it the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding." -
Prov 3:13

What are my priorities? What do I spend the msot time thinking about? I confess that over the lst couple of years, my priorities have been a little messed up. Before they woudl go soemthing a little like this: Naomi, work, running, church....notice there is no husband, there is no God. Even thought i had a relationship somewhat with both, they weren't on my top list of things to 'get done' that day. I've discovered that things I care most about, I find a way to enjoy. The book lists examples of reading articles above our favorite footbal team to see how they are doing (sorry Cory - from teh book- hehe). Looking up recipres and watching cooking shows ebcause we like to cook. Or for me, looking up running articles and bringing work home. All of these things reflect a subject that appeals to us, and we make it our personal study!!

The question is, how much time do I studying Cory? We all know how it goes. For men, they try to win the heart of their woman by learning likes, dislikes, habits, and hobbies. But after he wins her heart, he marries her, and often stops learning anything about her. The challenge is less intriguing, and interests might drifts to other areas. For a woman, we start by admiring and buildng respect for this man. But after marriage, those feelings fade as we find that our perfect man, isn't so perfect anymore. The problem is, there are still so many things to discover about our mates. EVen recently, I've learned things about Cory I never knew. Things that I wanted from him, but didn't give him enough honor and respect and confidence to folllow through with them. Let's face it ladies, we all want our husbands to eb the leader - the spriritual leader. But I know I haven't been giving Cory much confidence to do that. We all want to feel love and protected - but how can Cory even begin to do these things, we I'm hateful, bitter, and no fun to be around. A man wants a sole mate too! But mroe importantly, he wants to find favor! "Good understanding produces favor" Prov 13:15

So, here is a challenge for me. If hte amount of time I spent studying and dreaming about my spouse was equal to the time before we got married....how much more should I be interested in him now. HOw much more should I know about him now? I confess, no tmuch, but I feel that changing already. One of my friends noticed yesterday that I said "I miss Cory today. I jsut want to go home." What?! Is that Katrina Ms WORAHOLIC?! Another noticed that I wanted to give up running an errand so I could get home to my family. My old anser would have been, "I don't want to take tiem away from Naomi." But that is all about to change. Cory is fun to be around, or I wouldn't have chosen him. TO use his words "I wouldn't have chosen an ugly girl to marry." Which means for me to take this as - "your beautiful" hehehe

One thing you might leanr about your spouse during this process, is your differences. Small ones, big ones, medium ones. We make a big deal about all of these at times. Jude 10 tells us that we tend to 'revile' those things we don't understand. That's why we muist understand. There preferences are who they are. They make their character. BUt we must study to understand why they are that way. I can think of real issue for me right now, is the desire to be loved. I fought this my whole my life. We have finally determined that I feel the need to have the love of a man because of losing my daddy at such a young age. I didn't have that fatherly love when I needed it the most. I still wonder why God chose to take him from us so early, but He did, and that isn't my issue to question, but the result has molded my life. My desire now, and it is a struggle, is to find favor in God, not man. There are going ot be days (preaching to myself) that Cory might not see I need extra loving. My goal is to get it from God! Not whine to Cory, not look for it elsewhere, but turn to my one true comfort God. I've failed miserably at this before.

SO, to gain that closeness, to gain that intimacy with your spouse, here is what the book suggests:
1. Ask Questions
2. Listen
3. ASk for discernment

"By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all the rpecious and pleasant riches." Prov 24:3-4

Today's dare will be hard for me to get accomplished. But I wont' forget it. Our hearts are changing, so wanting to do these great things for our spouse is becoming natural. My goal for the rest of my life, is leanr something new about husband each week. Something different. I've already learned this week he wants to be the spiritual leader -it's a process but he wants the job, he wants to protect me - I need this desperately, and he wants ME - something I thought he didn't even want to be around for years. It is step in the right direction! And I'm learning more and more each day - Cory is amazing!

Verse helping me get through the day....

1 John 3:19-20
By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything.

Philippians 3:13
Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,

Psalm 103:12
As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

Colossians 3:8
But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.

emotions

I came home lost night discouraged, scared, wondering why God even wanted to use me. Why I was even alive!! But I woke up this morning differently. God has layed his hand on Cory. God has carried him through so much. God has blessed me with him. We shared forgiveness. We hsraed a newness with Christ. And now we get to share a newness with each other all over again. We now have a second anniversary to celebrate the rest of our lives!

My text today from him confirmed his love for me, and his devotion to this family. He wants to be my husband!!!!! He wants to be the spiritual leader (every girls dream)!!! Thank you God for answered prayers. Thank-you for this newness in you! Thank-you for not giving up on us, and opening up the doors for forgiveness and love. REAL LOVE!!!

LOVE IS NOT A FIGHT, BUT IT IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR!

day skipped - Day 13 - Love fights Fair

Well, yesterday I was actually counting up how many days and when I started this dare, and found that I actually skipped a day. Day 13. I won't apologize for this or say I can't believe I done this. I didn't do this. God did this. God has flipped me around in this book and gave me what I needed for the day I needed it. Even when things feel low, I have to remember He is there with His arms wide open. it is me who always pulls away...and I don't want to do that ever again!

So, today, there is a reason I will be going back to Day 13: Love fights fair. it is funny because today I'm feeling a little numb. A little spacy, so today's dare, God conviently put in my lap because he knows Cory and I Hardly ever fight. We don't. We don't have that violent loud relationship like some have, and that works for them. Cory and I only get loud and really fight when things have been boiling for a long time. Good or bad...we both work that way. We don't like confrontation. So, for all you reading this today, I hope it will be something that helps you, and something that helps me, without me knwoing it!

DARE: Talk with yout spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to fight by. Resolve and abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

Mark 3:25 -If a house is divided against itself, that house will NOT be able to stand.

AS I read the verse above, I realize that this DARE is for me today!!! It isn't just fighting that divides a house. It can be silent disagreements. Silent anger. Silent bitterness. All of this can divide house, and the Lord says, it WILL. Who wants to live in a house divided? (and I'm not talking about college football) Of course, there are more verses in the Bible that teach against divorce, so that isn't what this day intends. This day intends for you to stop being divided and start being one. Some days are easy, some days are very hard. Cory and I can a test to that. But God commands His holy Matrimony to be ONE.

Conflict is inevitable. When I married, even though Cory got all my hopes and dreams, he got all my hurts, fears, imperfections, non-stableness, and just baggage! He got it all! All that ugly stuff we tend to hide when we are dating. All the ugliness, that sometimes You don't even realize you have. Cory got it! But this began the marriage, unpleasantly discovering how selfish each of us could be. Pretty soon that pedestal that Cory had me on began to tilt, and I slipped off. And finally revealed to him my private problems and my secret habits...Welcome to sin. Welcome to fallen humanity!

Then life began....work, pregnancy issues, getting used to each other's families, financial issues and many other things began to chip at us. But we aren't alone....i think every couple goes through this at point. Every couple reacts differently, based on their insecurities, and unfortunately, every couple doesn't survive it! Oh God, how I want to survive - for us and for Naomi!

So, I'm pretty sure with all the examples above, this dare won't end conflict. In some ways, conflict is good. But how you deal with conflict is what matters! And did I say, How you deal with conflict TOGETHER? I have always had a bad habit or just telling him to forget about it. Ad typically I do. I'm not one that brings stuff up over and over again. I'd rather ignore, like it never happened and move on. But the book tells me to face it - together.

A real love marriage isn't created to self-destruct. When conflict arises, I must chose to work through it, instead of my usual pattern of trying to sleep it off. And hopefully, one day, Cory and I can have one of the most intimate, trusting relationships you will find.

The book lists some examples of "we" and "me" boundaries. I will list them below and try to think of my own somewhere throughout the day, although these pretty much nail it for me.

"WE"
never mention divorce!
don't bring up past items - forgive and move on
don't 'fight' in public or in front of your kids...period! (discussions fine)
call 'time-out' if getting ugly
never touch each other harmfully
never go to bed angry
failure is not an option

"ME"
Listen before speaking James 1:9
Deal with my own issues up front - Matt 7:3
Speak gentle and keep voice down - Prov 15:1

Fighting fair, the book says, means changing your weapons. Disagree with dignity, like Jesus is in the room watching you - because He is!

Love is not a fight, but it is worth fighting for! (this is my new moto)