DARE: Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've barely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.
"How blessed it the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding." -
Prov 3:13
What are my priorities? What do I spend the msot time thinking about? I confess that over the lst couple of years, my priorities have been a little messed up. Before they woudl go soemthing a little like this: Naomi, work, running, church....notice there is no husband, there is no God. Even thought i had a relationship somewhat with both, they weren't on my top list of things to 'get done' that day. I've discovered that things I care most about, I find a way to enjoy. The book lists examples of reading articles above our favorite footbal team to see how they are doing (sorry Cory - from teh book- hehe). Looking up recipres and watching cooking shows ebcause we like to cook. Or for me, looking up running articles and bringing work home. All of these things reflect a subject that appeals to us, and we make it our personal study!!
The question is, how much time do I studying Cory? We all know how it goes. For men, they try to win the heart of their woman by learning likes, dislikes, habits, and hobbies. But after he wins her heart, he marries her, and often stops learning anything about her. The challenge is less intriguing, and interests might drifts to other areas. For a woman, we start by admiring and buildng respect for this man. But after marriage, those feelings fade as we find that our perfect man, isn't so perfect anymore. The problem is, there are still so many things to discover about our mates. EVen recently, I've learned things about Cory I never knew. Things that I wanted from him, but didn't give him enough honor and respect and confidence to folllow through with them. Let's face it ladies, we all want our husbands to eb the leader - the spriritual leader. But I know I haven't been giving Cory much confidence to do that. We all want to feel love and protected - but how can Cory even begin to do these things, we I'm hateful, bitter, and no fun to be around. A man wants a sole mate too! But mroe importantly, he wants to find favor! "Good understanding produces favor" Prov 13:15
So, here is a challenge for me. If hte amount of time I spent studying and dreaming about my spouse was equal to the time before we got married....how much more should I be interested in him now. HOw much more should I know about him now? I confess, no tmuch, but I feel that changing already. One of my friends noticed yesterday that I said "I miss Cory today. I jsut want to go home." What?! Is that Katrina Ms WORAHOLIC?! Another noticed that I wanted to give up running an errand so I could get home to my family. My old anser would have been, "I don't want to take tiem away from Naomi." But that is all about to change. Cory is fun to be around, or I wouldn't have chosen him. TO use his words "I wouldn't have chosen an ugly girl to marry." Which means for me to take this as - "your beautiful" hehehe
One thing you might leanr about your spouse during this process, is your differences. Small ones, big ones, medium ones. We make a big deal about all of these at times. Jude 10 tells us that we tend to 'revile' those things we don't understand. That's why we muist understand. There preferences are who they are. They make their character. BUt we must study to understand why they are that way. I can think of real issue for me right now, is the desire to be loved. I fought this my whole my life. We have finally determined that I feel the need to have the love of a man because of losing my daddy at such a young age. I didn't have that fatherly love when I needed it the most. I still wonder why God chose to take him from us so early, but He did, and that isn't my issue to question, but the result has molded my life. My desire now, and it is a struggle, is to find favor in God, not man. There are going ot be days (preaching to myself) that Cory might not see I need extra loving. My goal is to get it from God! Not whine to Cory, not look for it elsewhere, but turn to my one true comfort God. I've failed miserably at this before.
SO, to gain that closeness, to gain that intimacy with your spouse, here is what the book suggests:
1. Ask Questions
2. Listen
3. ASk for discernment
"By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all the rpecious and pleasant riches." Prov 24:3-4
Today's dare will be hard for me to get accomplished. But I wont' forget it. Our hearts are changing, so wanting to do these great things for our spouse is becoming natural. My goal for the rest of my life, is leanr something new about husband each week. Something different. I've already learned this week he wants to be the spiritual leader -it's a process but he wants the job, he wants to protect me - I need this desperately, and he wants ME - something I thought he didn't even want to be around for years. It is step in the right direction! And I'm learning more and more each day - Cory is amazing!
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